Broken Promises
by Lady Monozuki
Summary: They had promised him a better life. What he got could not have been further from that. Will he be able to move on? Will he be able to learn to love again? Will they realize their mistakes? Broken OT5, eventual Thrill. Warnings inside.
1. Chapter One: Heartache

**Disclaimer: I don't own Prince of Tennis.**

Description: They had promised him the world. What he got was a bunch of broken promises. Will he be able to move on? Will he be able to learn to love again? Will they realize their mistakes? Broken OT5, eventual Thrill.

Lady Monozuki: So this is a total 180 from my Prince of Tennis one-shots. This story is filled with a lot of angst, drama, and a depressed Ryoma. My warnings to you: it will have suicide attempts and other elements that I can't mention yet for the sake of plot. Another thing to note is that this fic is set eight years into the future. I hope you enjoy!

_Special thanks to:_ SelfHatredIsCommonEnough for betaing this chapter.

_Chapter One: Heartache_

His hands shook as he stared at the tear-stained picture. Every day that they left him alone to think about their relationship, the deeper he sank into darkness. Their promises echoed perfectly in his mind, reminding him of everything he no longer had. All he could think about was their betrayal and how no matter what, every time they said "I love you", they had never meant it. His chest squeezed tighter, making it difficult to breathe. Their faces flashed through his mind as he shook. The object in front of him started to blur.

_When did I need them so much? When did I become last in the relationship?_

Pinpointing a time didn't come easy. In fact, he still could not figure out when. Many factors played into their relationship, but only one brought theirs to an end. He remembered giving up tournaments just to be with them, sacrificing his profession and life. All he wanted in return was their full attention and love, but received nothing but half-hearted passion. They were faking most of the time, and to know that hurt. He poured everything he had in this relationship and tried to make everything work.

However, his attempts failed. Everything he did never measured up. They started leaving him behind, not caring about their fifth lover. Why did he ignore the signs? Why did he pretend to be happy? Why did he go through all of the torment? To be loved by them. He did everything for _them_. After _that_ day, he gave up. He did not want to have to put on shows to get attention. He wanted them to love him no matter what he was doing, but they never cast a glance in his direction. Everything that had happened over the past seven years meant nothing, just like him.

Several times, he convinced himself to hold out a while longer, with the promise of a better day. However, those days never came and they left him to drown in his pain, to fall deeper into depression. In spite of their poor treatment, he knew that not everyone wanted to treat him this way. No, one person was pulling the strings in their relationship, and he knew who that person was. He adjusted the sling that supported his arm. Two nights ago, _that_ person pulled him aside, demanding to know why he did not immediately respond to the summons.

He answered and then something unexpected happened. His brain had tried to sort out a reason as to why, but he did not understand why. _They _were the ones who did this to him. Because of the injury, he had to give up playing tennis. He shuddered at the memory. He had hoped that things would start to turn around, but he ended up enduring another abuse that pushed him closer to the edge.

Ryoma suppressed the urge to cry. He would not allow himself to do so in this house, he didn't want them to see his weakness. A small chuckled escaped from his throat. He knew how pathetic he had become. If they were paying attention, they would have known. But they didn't. He wouldn't be shocked if one day they would forget that he even lived there.

_Not like that will matter soon anyway._

When he first moved here, he thought that everything would get better and that they would live a happy life. He had wrestled with the decision for several weeks before finally accepting. At first, everything turned started out fine. However, when he actually decided to attend tennis tournaments every time he came home, it felt like a different place. After a few years, he knew that he had made the wrong choice. He knew where he first went wrong too, choosing Atobe Keigo.

When he had first played against the diva, he could not help but feel that there was an odd connection between them. They were so much alike but different at the same time. Somehow, they had started talking and the next moment they shared in a needy kiss. At first, they didn't love each other; they used each other to get what they couldn't have. Eventually they each managed to snag boyfriends and left their "romance" behind.

He had started dating Fuji and enjoyed the time with his boyfriend. However, he could never forget about Atobe. When both of their relationships went through rough patches, they found comfort in each other. While they never crossed certain lines, they knew that no matter how hard they tried, they would not be able to forget the few moments that they had spent together.

After being unable to deny their attraction for each other, they decided to confront their boyfriends about the situation. They had expected a blood bath, but got a surprise of their own. Tezuka and Fuji had been involved earlier and admitted that they still liked each other. After they all realized their feelings for one another, they came up with a compromise.

They became a foursome. They made an extra effort to develop their relationship to one outside of sex. After some time, they had become so familiar with each other that they could sense moods and needs without the other speaking. The consistency in their relationship became too stifling. Atobe had even gone so far as to send them all on vacations so that they could have a break.

When their fifth member, Sanada, had approached Ryoma about joining, they became excited. The former vice-captain brought a new element into their relationship, which they needed. Adding another person also brought strains on their relationship, but they dealt with that rather well. The beginning of their five-some was ecstasy. However, it did not take long before everything went from bad to absolute hell.

He flinched at the memory. Every time he thought back to _that_ day, he felt invisible hands touching him, hurting him. They were unfamiliar hands and they continuously assaulted him. No matter how hard he tried, he could not erase them. Ryoma shivered as he felt them crawl up his back. He tried to remind himself that this was part of his imagination, but they felt so real. A crash somewhere in the mansion brought him out of the haunting memory.

Several times, he had tried to overcome this fear and feeling, but never had any luck. He was afraid that the assaults would never go away either. On top of that, his life with his lovers pretty much came to an end. The _one_ time he let his guard down turned his life into a walking nightmare. Rejection was one thing, but absolute solitude and abandonment were another. He couldn't convince himself to leave. After all, his family left to enjoy a life abroad not too long after he left them. Ryoma once thought about getting a place of his own. But he couldn't.

_I'm so pathetic. I can't do anything without them._

Despite his inability to live on his own, two nights ago brought him to this point. He had been studying for one of his college courses. After all, he would not be able to play tennis professionally forever. In the middle of his studies, an unexpected person called him. Keigo demanded him to come into their old room right away. However, he was in the middle of answering a question and didn't want to lose his train of thought. He had a lot of make-up to do because he missed a good number of classes due to an illness and putting it off would not help. His teachers had already given him an extended deadline in the first place.

He had finished the question before going to answer his older boyfriend's call. Because he did so, the diva got even more angry, resulting in an injured arm and a notice he would never forget. Just remembering made him feel ill all over again.

"_Brat, can't you even show up when Ore-sama calls you?"_

"_Gomen Kei-Atobe, I was in the middle of doing my homework."_

_The other person scoffed and glared at him. Ryoma felt uncomfortable standing under his gaze. The piercing eyes brought him back to that night one year ago. It took everything in his power to stay focused on Atobe and not give in to the darkness of his memory._

"_W-where are the others?" he asked._

"_Ore-sama sent them away to talk to _you_, gaki."_

"_Why don't you tell me why I'm here then?"_

_At first, the diva did nothing. Then, without warning, Atobe lunged forward and grabbed his wrist in an attempt to pull him into a kiss. Frightened by the sudden advancement, Ryoma pushed him away, screaming "No! Leave me alone!" at the same time. By the time the whole ordeal ended, he saw Keigo on the floor, obviously dazed by the reaction. The usually well-mannered heir stood up and pushed him. His arm landed painfully against the bedpost. His eyes widened in shock and pain shot up his arm._

"_Ore-sama does not know what to do with you anymore. You have one week to get pack your things and get out of Ore-sama's sight. Ore-sama cannot stand living with you anymore."_

Tears threatened to fall again. When he needed them the most, they had pushed him away. With no remorse, they had trampled on everything that he gave them. Not all of them totally abandoned him. Fuji made an effort to try and see him and even dealt with Atobe's wrath when caught. However, the visits were few and far between. They made him start to question if the tensai even loved him.

Fuji had been one of the reasons he kept holding on. He hoped every day that the sadist would come visit him, hold him again, and promise him that they would pull through this. However, that had not happened recently. With their rejection and the constant reminder of what happened a year ago, he couldn't move on from the deep pit of depression. The pain brought him to this point; he could no longer live like this.

If any one of his four boyfriends had given him a reason to believe in them again, he would not consider this option. However, years of abuse and heartache took a toll on him and made him this way. They didn't care for him anymore. Fuji had not come to visit him recently, which hurt him more than anything else. With his parents gone and the other Regulars going their separate ways, he had no one he could turn to at this point. No one would care about him like he cared about others. No one was there to help carry his heavy burden, and no one came to support him when he could no longer stand.

A tear slid down his face, he could no longer prevent himself from doing so. Not even bothering to wipe away the tears, he opened up one of the small drawers to his rickety desk. He loved them all, even at this point, he cared for all of them had wanted them to feel for him in the same way. However, if he could not live with them, he would rather not live at all. Nothing would change in his future he knew that. He had given up on hope.

He pulled out a piece of paper along with a thin blade. This would be his escape from all of the pain. If he slit his wrists, everything would be over and he wouldn't have to deal with the ache in his heart anymore. No one would miss him. Another tear fell down his face as that thought continued to resound in his mind. Their lives would be better off without a broken person like him.

Before he put his plan into motion, he began to write out their promises to him. He could hear their voices whispering or saying them in his mind. Every one of them, they did not keep. That's why he had no reason to believe in them. That's why he would give up on life.

_Love doesn't really exist. People just use you until you are no longer worth anything or something happens so they can trample on your already broken heart. If I knew that love would cause nothing but pain, I would have never fallen in love, let alone with four men._

With a sigh, he put down the pen and looked over the piece of paper. Ryoma hoped that they suffered while he was gone, but doubted they would. He closed his eyes and calmed himself before bringing the cold metal to his wrist. Even though he had planned on doing this a number of weeks ago, he had put the plans off in hopes that they would come back to him.

_You're such a fool for loving them. You are such a fool for believing that they would come back to you._

Now that he stopped believing in their words and his own, things would get better. He didn't want to live his life confused and walking around in darkness. If he ended everything here, things would be better. He would be dead and they could finally move on without needing to remember him.

At that thought, he pressed the knife deeper into his skin, causing blood to flow from the small puncture. He started to move the blade, red flowing as he went. The pain felt numb in comparison to his heartache. He choked back a sob, which caused him to cut deeper than he meant. He flinched a little but still pressed the metal into the wound, he would rather die than continue at this point and no one could convince him otherwise. After what felt like minutes, he dropped the blade and looked at the damage on his wrist. Red covered the usually white skin, a sign of the end.

Objects in the room began to warp. He blinked a couple of times, trying to sharpen his vision. It did not help. The room began to spin, making him nauseous. He started to feel heavy. His eyes closed and he feel deep into the darkness.


	2. Chapter Two: Guilt

**Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis.**

Lady Monozuki: Wow, I am overwhelmed at the response I got from everyone. Thank you very much for the reviews everyone! I appreciate every one of them. I do apologize for not getting this out on time. Life doesn't like me and I'm running off nothing except my sheer will to stay awake and post this. Anyway, on with the story

_Chapter Two: Guilt_

Something had happened. At first, he tried to push away the feeling inside of him, but it kept growing. For some reason, he wanted to go see Ryoma. He looked at Kunimitsu and Gen, they wouldn't come with him. They were afraid to disobey Keigo's orders. Fuji did not care about disobeying orders, especially when it came to their youngest, most precious lover. That thought made the smile on his face disappear, they did not deserve to call him their lover; they didn't deserve him after the way they had treated him.

Perhaps that's why he rushed down the hallway to where the pathetic room that Ryoma lived in. Fuji had once confronted Keigo about giving Ryoma a better living space and had paid for the suggestion. He was unable to walk for three weeks. The violent outbursts should have been enough to warn him about their relationship; or rather their non-existent one. They had tried to pass of their relationship as normal, but it became evident too quickly that Keigo wanted one thin, sex. For several years, he had contemplated leaving their five-some and starting new, but he could not bring himself to do so after what happened last year.

Though he did not know the full details, something happened to both Ryoma and Keigo that caused their already-strained relationship to tear. He had gone along with the diva for the first few weeks, but quickly got bored of the façade. He couldn't even _mention_ Ryoma's name without suffering some sort of repercussion and when he went to check on their abandoned lover and Keigo found out, he would be met with physical pain or locked away for days at a time.

Kunimitsu and Gen saw this and never dared to question their rich lover, which made him wonder when they all became so afraid of Keigo. No one dared to stand against the diva, except him. He was constantly made an example of because of his rebellious attitude, but he was never one to be tied down. The past few days had been painful to deal with. Keigo had kept him under tight security to make sure that he couldn't visit Ryoma. It was a miracle that the diva had even left for the office that day.

He hated being kept on such a short leash. Fuji realized that he did not want to put up with Keigo's behavior anymore and wanted out. However, he wanted to take Ryoma with him. He wanted to go back to their happy relationship before this mess and enjoy their life without worrying about offending other people. They knew each other best and could tell moods without even speaking. He just hoped that he wasn't too late.

Fuji stopped in front of Ryoma's room. He knocked, but didn't get a reply. He frowned. Today was the one day that Ryoma didn't have to go to school and there was no way that he would come out and risk running into the diva. He knocked once more before turning the knob.

"Ryoma?" he called out. No answer met his call. He saw the lamp in the room turned on.

_Perhaps he's studying and didn't hear me._

He rounded the corner and gasped. On the floor was their youngest lover. A small pool of blood was formed around his hand. He felt himself shaking and standing there in shock. His Ryoma had cut his wrist. He twitched and rushed over to the unconscious man.

"Oh my god, Mitsu, Gen!" he shouted. Though there was some distance separating them, he knew that they would hear his call. They always seemed to know when something was wrong. He walked toward Ryoma's limp figure and leaned down. He had read somewhere that if you put pressure on the wound that it would slow the bleeding. If he had any hope saving Ryoma, he would have to do that. The sight of blood usually made him feel sick, but for some reason he tolerated the sight.

He placed one hand on the frail wrist and used his fingers to press against the wound. The blood didn't seem to stop and he could not help but worry about Ryoma's health. There was all ready so much blood on the floor. A bang in the hallway caused him the look up. He saw Kunimitsu and Gen looking slightly disheveled in their appearance. Their eyes went wide at the sight before them. He tried to keep his voice steady as he spoke, but couldn't control it like usual.

"Gen, Mitsu, I need you to call for help. I'll stay here until the paramedics arrive."

The other two did not hesitate to move. He let the tears that had been forming in his eyes fall.

"We really screwed up, Ryoma. I ignored all of the signs and you suffered in all of this. I'm sorry, Ryoma. I'm sorry for leaving you all alone. P-please don't leave me. I want to make this right. I want to make everything up to you. You don't deserve to live with this pain. We should have been there for you. I'm sorry, please, I love you. We were stupid. You went through hell last year and we went along with Keigo's antics. Why did we do so in the first place? What did we gain out of this?"

He faintly heard a siren in the distance. He could only assume that it was the help that Ryoma needed. Fuji waited for them to come. He stared at the pale face of his lover. He had played a part in all of this. He had noticed the signs and pretended that everything was fine. Now, he ran the risk of losing the one person that understood him best. He wished that it would not end like this.

_If you live, I will spend the rest of my life apologizing to you over again. I convinced you that this was a good idea and look at you now. I'm sorry, I will not leave your side from now on. Please fight to live another day for me._

He heard the sound of footstep approaching even against the padded carpet. Fuji watched the door eagerly and saw three paramedics burst in the room. He moved aside to let them do their work.

"This doesn't look good," one of them muttered.

"We need to get him out of here now," the other said. "If we can't get him to the hospital in thirty minutes, we'll lose him."

He trembled as they loaded him up on a stretcher. It all seemed to be surreal. He tried to convince himself that this was not happening, but the scene before him was too real to ignore. The blood, the bandages, the paramedics wheeling away their loved one, everything was happening.

"We can take one of you with us to the hospital, but you have to decide fast," one of the paramedics said.

"I'm going," Fuji announced. He didn't even bother to ask his other lovers.

"But Fuji, what about Kei—?"

"I don't give a damn about Keigo and his rules!" Fuji snapped. "I'm going and it's up to you two as to whether or not you are going to follow."

He exited the room without another word. He hadn't prevented this from happening, but he sure as hell would try to make up for the mistakes that he had made. Fuji stepped into the ambulance and watched them continue their work. Time knew no end and neither did his thoughts. The numerous "What ifs" never left his mind; he wanted to shut off his brain or somehow managed to convince himself that everything would be all right. The words of the paramedic echoed in his mind. In twenty minutes, Ryoma would be dead. Would they make it in time? Would he recover from the wound?

_Stop worrying, Syuusuke. Everything will be fine, you found him in time. He will be all right. _

He didn't realize that they had stopped. He watched them unload Ryoma and got off as soon as they were finished. They wasted no time in bringing him to the emergency room. He watched the doors close in front of him. Fuji sank into one of the chairs nearby. He buried his head into his hands. The situation reminded him of what happened last year, except he didn't have to see the scene. All he saw was the aftermath.

He recalled when they first received the call. They were worried since Ryoma had not called them after his match. Usually their youngest lover would make sure to tell them the outcome, even if they had already watched it on television. At first, they brushed their worries aside, telling themselves that he probably fell asleep after playing in such a long match. That brought peace to their mind long enough to sleep. However, an unpleasant call had woken them up. The truth as to why their favorite uke had missed their call shocked all of them. Somehow, they all ended up on one of Atobe's private jets bound for America. In the flight, they all expressed their concern.

However, Keigo kept silent. Upon arrival, they found themselves separated. Keigo went to a business meeting while they went to visit Ryoma. They couldn't understand the diva's behavior, but brushed it aside all the same. After a long two weeks, they went back to Japan. At first, their younger lover didn't open up to them as much. He was afraid, which they all understood as to why. Being as stubborn as he was, he kept pushing himself to different levels. One night, Ryoma had wanted to get over his fear of being touched once again.

Pain tore at their hearts when they tried. Ryoma tried hard to get over the fears, but could not erase the memory of what happened from his mind. They begged for him to stop, but he wanted to keep on trying. Somewhere, Atobe lost his head and pushed him out of the room, telling him to leave them alone and get some sleep. The abuse after that grew steadily worse.

On those sleepless nights, he wondered if Ryoma felt the same way when Atobe was through with him. Tears rolled down his cheeks. They had really screwed up on so many levels. They hadn't even tried to help Ryoma. They had discarded him without a second thought.

The time seemed to tick by so slowly. He wondered if they had forgotten about him. Every minute was agonizing and allowed for several questions to fill his mind. His doubt continued to grow. Perhaps they didn't save him? At great length, a person walked out with a white coat, he looked weary, perhaps from too many shifts.

"Are you the one who accompanied Echizen Ryoma?" he asked.

Fuji nodded. "How is he?" he asked in a small voice.

"We got lucky. Had he arrived any later, we would have lost him. He managed to cut into the artery, but we managed to stablize his condition. Right now he's resting in the ICU. I can take you to see him right now."

He got to his feet and headed down long halls. Fuji disliked how long the corridors were in the hospital. He wanted to be in Ryoma's room, holding his hand, and begging for him to come back to them. He didn't deserve him, but he wanted him. After a few minutes, he walked into a large white room. The first thing he noticed was tubes everywhere. Blood dripped from a bag and made its way through a tube into their younger lover's arm. A bandage covered half of his arm, hiding the cut, but not making it gone forever. Ryoma's pale features made him feel even worse. The person lying in the bed looked similar to death. If not for the sound of a beep, indicating his heart rate, he would have presumed so.

He drew in a shaky breath and reached for the nearest hand to him, because he knew that he couldn't handle this on his own. The sight was proving to be too much to bear alone. The usual steady figures he was used to having around him were absent. They had driven Ryoma to this point; they rejected him so many times that he couldn't recover. This whole situation fell on them.

He dared to touch the hand of the person lying in front of them. He wanted to hear the cocky voice once again. Even though he wasn't dead, it felt that way. He felt as though he had lost a part of his heart and that nothing would ever be the same again. His hand made contact with the other. He flinched at the coldness that emitted from the fragile boy.

"Don't give up, Ryoma," he whispered.

_I am waiting for you to come back. I want you to forgive me and come back so that I can make amends with you._

Fuji leaned in and gave a soft peck on Ryoma's forehead.

"I won't ever abandon you again. I love you."

_To be continued…_


	3. Chapter Three: Choices

**Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis**

Lady Monozuki: Thank you everyone for the wonderful reviews. This chapter is a little less dramatic (or so I think) so hopefully I won't make you cry. Anyway, today is my birthday and here's my present to you all, updates! Please enjoy!

_Chapter Three: Choices_

He stood there in shock not knowing what to do. Fuji had left them without even considering the consequences of his actions. Of course he understood why, after all their youngest lover had just cut himself and was on the verge of dying. Yet in spite of knowing that he had gone without them. Even knowing that Ryoma was inches from death door, he remained frozen and thinking about what Keigo would do to them if they even bothered to go to the hospital.

He knew that once he had been referred to as an immovable mountain, he figured that he must look pretty pathetic in comparison to his former junior high days. He blamed years of being together and being comfortable with their relationship. It had softened him to the point where he was no longer untouchable. Sanada figured that their relationship would eventually come to this point, but he never imagined that it would be upon him sooner than he was ready. He had figured that he had all the time the world to figure out his feelings and to figure out what the others are thinking.

Now that the situation was upon him how much he had no idea to as to where he would place his loyalty. Part of him knew that they had treated Ryoma wrongly and that he needed to make amends with their youngest lover before he could move on with any other relationship that he might have. He sank into the couch next to Kunimitsu and waited for the other to speak. He did not know how to start out the conversation they both knew that this needed to discussed before Keigo got home for the evening.

He had a feeling that Kunimitsu also sensed that this needed to be taken care sooner rather than later. Both of them had been on edge for months not knowing which side to take in the matters because they had both suffered at the hand of Keigo. He knew that Kunimitsu would not admit to the abuse that he was subjected to and he had kept it to himself as well.

He eyed the other person sitting next him.

"What are you going to do?" Tezuka asked at great length.

"I don't know. I think we both know that we have to apologize to Ryoma."

"The problem is whether or not he will accept our apology."

"I do not think that Ryoma is one to do such things over our head. I think that he would be forgiving of us if we explain why."

"True, but do we even know the reason as to why?" Tezuka asked.

He did not know what to say to that. He was not even sure that he knew all of the story behind their problems. The information he had managed to put together did not make a clear picture and he suspected that the people who knew the most regarding the subject were the ones that he did not want to confront and could not confront. Keigo would no doubt throw up his barriers and refuse to speak of the problem. Moreover, Ryoma was unconscious. He let a sigh escape his lips.

"Do you even know the entirety of the story, Mistu?" he asked.

"I wish I did. Everything would make a lot more sense if both of them would tell us what went on between them."

"I think that part of what triggered the change inside of Keigo was what happened to Ryoma."

"I disagree," Tezuka countered. He raised an eyebrow. "I think that was the breaking point."

"What do you mean?" Sanada asked.

"Are you saying that you were unaware of the abuse going on before all of this happened?"

"I never knew that Keigo was abusive before this point," he admitted. He wanted to curse aloud for not noticing such a thing. They had been so close before, but that had changed. He wondered when they had grown so far apart that they could not read each other anymore. He rubbed his temples in frustration. He had never been on the receiving end of Keigo's wrath until after Ryoma had come home last year. He never would have suspected such a thing either since he believed that they were all mostly happy with their relationship and everyone had hid their pain so well. He could not help but wonder how much his other lovers had suffered at Keigo's hand. He stared at Tezuka.

"How much did he use you?" he asked in a quiet voice. He used to speak with confidence. Now he wondered where did all of his strength go and would he ever get it back?

"I don't think he started until a year after you joined. I don't know how much Ryoma and Syuusuke have suffered because of Keigo's abuse. I know that it got worse after what happened a year ago."

"Do we even know all of what happened back then?"

"I don't know all of the details, I think that we were told the basic information and that something else happened that made Keigo really angry. Do you remember that night when Ryoma asked us to make love to him?"

"Yes, it was the most painful thing to watch. He was obviously hurt more than we could ever imagine because of what happened. Do you think that's what made Keigo angry? The fact that Ryoma couldn't have sex with us?"

Kunimitsu shook his head. "Even Keigo is not that shallow. I think that there was something that happened to Ryoma that he never told us about and that's why he reacted in such a way."

"We could speculate on what that is, but I don't think that would do us any good," Sanada said in a low voice. How long had it been since he had seen Ryoma before this incident? He remembered that he had seen him once playing tennis. He had watched the once strong and arrogant player struggle to return balls that had bounced against the wall. He had wanted to tell Ryoma to stop torturing himself, but he couldn't. To think that Ryoma had been holding in all of that pain made him feel even worse.

Sure he knew that their youngest lover went on tournaments, but they were never major. After that one incident, he never returned to the public eye and struggled with his own demons. He wondered what the world would think if they could see the Prince of Tennis now, in a coma, all because his lovers were the biggest bastards the world would ever know.

"What are you doing to do, Mistu?" he asked again. That question had been swirling around in his mind. He wanted to know where his other lovers stood. They would have to take sides like they did when Ryoma came back a year ago. He had known that Syuusuke would go with Ryoma, he had always known. The tensai liked a challenge and the others couldn't always provide that for him. Ryoma always made things difficult for the sadist and refused to be controlled, just as much as Fuji refused to be controlled. Both separately and combined, the they made for trouble in their own way and loved creating excitement between them.

While he and Tezuka weren't as boring as others thought them to be, he knew that they were different in their own way. He did not know what methods Tezuka used to court the others, but he had preferred to do things in a more subtle fashion and made their favorite things to do a part of their dates. For instance, he went with Fuji to all of the horror flicks that he could stand for one century. With Tezuka, they had gone to see more sophisticated entertainment, such as classical music and theatre performances. With Keigo, he went wherever the diva did. It seemed that the diva had done more of the courting than he, but he didn't mind. With Ryoma, he had played tennis against him. He loved playing a match, no matter the outcome. They were always special in their own ways because Ryoma was perhaps the least likely out of them all to ever mutter the words "I love you".

To hear those words was like winning the Japan Academy Prize (1), it didn't happen often and when it did, you treasured the memory. Ryoma preferred to speak through his actions in comparison to words and that's why he didn't say that. He let his lovers screw him until they were satisfied—and being one who hated to be controlled, that was saying far more than any of them could come up with. Yes, he enjoyed the time he spent will all of his lovers, but in the most, Ryoma. Their youngest was different from all of the others, not just because of his attitude and ability to challenge all those he came across, but he was special in a way he could not described.

"You've decided, haven't you?" Tezuka asked. He looked up at his other lover, he had wanted to say yes, but he didn't know if he could ever forgive himself for hurting Ryoma.

"No, I don't know if I will be able to make my choice based off of this. There are far too many gaps and I can't accept any of this until I know the truth."

"You may be waiting a long time then," Tezuka said.

"You chose Keigo, didn't you?" he asked.

"You don't know him as well as I do," Tezuka said. "In spite of him being a diva at times, he is a sensitive person and cares for all of us more than you would think. He always brags that he is the best, but that is because he never got confirmation from his parents. Everything that he did was never accepted in their eyes and therefore putting more stress on him to do better. You know that he's an heir to their cooperation and that has put a lot of pressure on him all ready."

He nodded in understanding. He had never really fit in with this relationship. Though they had tried to include him as best as he could, he had strained their relationship and he felt guilty for doing so. He could tell that they were not as happy with him as they were before. Sanada could not help but wonder why they had even accepted him into their relationship in the first place. Sure he had like all of them, but he would have understood if they did not allow him into their lives. At first, he didn't question their motives. It felt great to be loved like that and so he let thing happen. However, he started to notice that Syuusuke was pushing himself to adapt to all of them and so was Ryoma. Though they both hid whatever frustrations well, he could tell that they were unhappy.

A sigh escaped his lips. Perhaps he should not have even joined their relationship. They probably would have been better off without him and they probably wouldn't be in this situation.

_Who are you kidding? They would have been in the same spot all the same because of what happened. I just wouldn't be involved._

He stood and headed for the front. He wanted to see Ryoma at least so that he could learn how he was doing. He doubted that Syuusuke would let him stay very long. The tensai had always been possessive over what he claimed as his and Ryoma was no exception. He supposed that had to do with them being together since before they even got together as a group. He had never heard the full story and it reminded him all too well that he did not know as much as the others.

"Are you going to see him?" Tezuka asked.

"Yes," Sanada answered. "I want to see at least how he is doing."

"What are you going to do afterward?"

"I'll figure that out later," he said.

He headed to the front door, pausing only to slip on some shoes and slip on his jacket. He would decide everything later, he wanted to see Ryoma first. Sanada went to one of the limos that were always waiting to take them where they wished. He gave brief instructions to the driver before turning to stare out the window. He would never forgive himself for allowing this to happen. Even if he had not been there the longest, he had let this all happen while he was in a relationship with them. What good was he in a relationship if he couldn't read his own lovers?

_To be continued…_

1) I don't know how rare this award actually is, but from what I understand, it is pretty rare. So don't kill me if it's more common than I think.


	4. Chapter Four: Anger

**Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis**

Lady Monozuki: I apologize for not having anything updated on time. I've had several issues to take care of over the weekend and the days leading up to it. Thank you to everyone who reviewed! Again, I apologize.

_Chapter Four: Anger_

Atobe sighed and put down one of the documents that he had been finishing up for the evening. Work had demanded for him to work overtime today and he was more than ready to call it a day. If there had not been an emergency meeting, he would already be at home, with his lovers by his side. Of course, being one of the most successful businesses in Japan often ate away at his free time. His phone rang once again and he contemplated not even answering it. Then he looked at the number and saw that it was the number from the mansion. He frowned. If any of his lovers wanted to contact them, they would contact him through his cell. He picked up hesitantly, not sure as to why someone would want to call him there. No, there was nothing that he could think of that would even merit such a call.

"Moshi, moshi," he said. "This is Atobe Keigo speaking."

"Master Keigo," he heard on the other line. He did not recognize the person and frowned at the thought of being called by some random servant.

"Who are you and what do you want?" he snapped.

"Ah! Gomen, I only wished to inform you of the fact that _he_ attempted suicide."

He had forbidden everyone from mentioning Ryoma's name in his presence because of how frustrated he was with his youngest lover at the moment. He wanted to laugh. He really didn't hold any right to call Ryoma a lover because of how badly he had treated them. To be quite honest, he did not care about how he stood with him. He had enough issues to worry about than some drama queen who was trying to make everything worse in their relationship. He hung up the phone, not even bothering to get an answer to his first question as to who the person was. He did not care at this moment. All he wanted to do was to get out of the office and go home to see his other lovers. They would need to talk.

While he had known that some of his lovers, like Syuusuke and Gen, would want an answer from him because of how he treated Ryoma, he did not want to answer them. There were a number of reasons that he knew could not be avoided forever. He knew that he had to explain to them why he had treated all of them that way, but he did not know if he was ready. The only person who seemed content with not knowing the full truth was Tezuka. Those were thoughts for later though. Right now, he wanted to go home and see who remained. An event like this would definitely not be good for their already strained relationship.

_Syuusuke will go with Ryoma, he was always attached to the brat because they went out for a while. Gen is probably unsure of what to do. He was the last to join and therefore doesn't have as much attachment to everyone as we do. I hope that Mistu stayed though, I need him more than anything. He understands me better than sometimes I do and I-I don't know what I would do without him._

Yes, he had hoped that his boyfriend before they became a five some was still willing to stick by his side. Even though he had treated Mitsu wrongly, he still needed that support and wanted to have someone to rely on in all of this. Not to mention that when he would finally talk to Syuusuke and Gen, he needed someone that could keep the sadist in check. With Ryoma in the hospital, there was no way that he could control the nasty temper that Syuusuke could have. In fact, the whole situation would turn ugly if the former tennis tensai were to decide to take revenge. He shuddered to think of how the revenge would be extracted. Atobe walked out of his office and headed for the car that had been waiting for him. He picked up his cell and dialed the number to the hospital. Considering the fact that he _owned_ the nearest hospital, it would not be hard to get information on Ryoma.

He just wanted to know how bad of a condition his former lover was in and assure that Ryoma received the best care, with no expense spared. Atobe may have hated and exiled him, but that did not mean that the love was not there. After all, he would have never felt this way if Ryoma had not betrayed them first. Even though he had been betrayed, he could never fully abandon his former lover. He had even tried to see if he could forgive the youngest, but when Ryoma had pushed away, he found that he could not. It had hurt him to be pushed away like that, he had been trying. While the others may not have seen him, he had sent the other flowers in secret and tried to draw out a response.

However, he had never received such a response and all of his letters had been met with hateful words. He supposed that he deserved them because he had treated Ryoma coldly. A sigh escaped his lips.

_You were the one who was trying to fix the relationship. Besides, he was the one who betrayed you all first. I wonder how Syuusuke and Gen will react when they hear the truth. The brat may deny the fact that he planned _that_ event, but I know the truth. After all, there were four of them who said the same story and plus the police sad that there were no signs of a struggle, he had willing let them do it to him._

Another sigh escaped his lips. Whenever he thought about their problems, he always ended up forgetting his usual grace and sigh. The phone continued to ring before someone finally picked up. He talked to the nurse for the remainder of the car ride to try and get the answers that he wanted. A little money went a long way and he was able to find out that both Syuusuke and Gen were in the hospital and that Ryoma was unconscious, but stabilized. He thanked the nurse and then hung up the phone. He was shaking again. Anger and fear were the most prevalent emotions at the time. He wanted to yell at Ryoma for doing something so stupid. His mind we back to the conversation that he had with his then-lover a year ago.

"_You betrayed us all!" he shouted._

"_You have no idea what you are talking about!" Ryoma countered. "You were not there so how could you know what went on? How could you even take their side in this issue?"_

"_Because they all said the same thing," he said. "Not only that, but the police said that they found no efforts of a struggle on your part."_

"_I suppose they also said that I _enjoyed_ it and begged for more!"_

"_They did! How could you do this to us?" he demanded._

"_I didn't do anything to you guys," Ryoma said in a low voice. "I did not betray any of you. Can't you believe me for a change? I'm your lover, I have never done anything like this to you guys before and when I need you the most, you won't believe me!"_

"_Why should I believe you? There is not one shred of evidence to support your claim!"_

"_Actually, there is and they are going to jail."_

"_I don't believe you," he said. "I can't believe that you would do something like this."_

"_Will you still believe them when they are in jail?" Ryoma asked._

"_I believe them because it seems like something you would do. You have always been seeking attention and I do not want to deal with you anymore."_

"_Why the hell is it so hard to believe me, Keigo?" Ryoma shouted. "Why the hell do you have to believe them when _they_ are the ones who are lying? Why would I plan something like this to happen when I am the one who is in the hospital? When I am the one who will never be able to forget what they did to me? Why would I want to suffer? Your logic is screwed up."_

"_I am done talking to you, brat!"_

"_As am I, talk to me when you want to be a _real_ lover, Keigo."_

He had stubbornly refused to believe Ryoma because of the reports. While they had been able jail the persons who raped his former lover, he had never been able to get the conversation that he overheard while they were talking to each other. He had been angry at the fact that Ryoma had gotten raped and was going to give them a piece of his mind, but when he heard them talking, he had frozen.

"_Heh, you would think that when someone hires you to do a job that they wouldn't let you get caught at all."_

"_We knew that we might get caught. You've got to admit though, the kid is a pretty good actor."_

"_Yeah, if I didn't know that he was faking everything, I would say that he that he did not recognize us at all."_

"_Even though when we were raping him, he was pretty much begging for us to screw him. Then again, he's used to it with how many lovers he has."_

"_Who would have ever thought that the famous Echizen Ryoma would be so horny with so many different men?"_

_They shared a laugh. "He was a good screw though, I bet his ass must've hurt like hell afterward though."_

"_Well, if you hadn't caused him to bleed so much, he might not end up in the hospital."_

"_You were the one who slammed his face into the ground because he tried to get away from you that one time."_

"_Well, if you hadn't hurt him so bad, I wouldn't have had to!"_

"_Whatever, just keep everything cool. The police probably won't be able to bring any charges against us."_

"_I heard that his lovers are in town."_

"_So, they'll learn from the cops that the brat enjoyed his time with us. When they find out that much, they won't have anyone to be mad at but him."_

"_I suppose that you're right."_

_He had not needed to listen to anything else. He went straight to the police to figure out if what the others had said was true before going to yell at someone else._

Atobe entered the mansion and noticed that the place seemed far larger than before. He had a feeling that was due to the absence of several of his servants and his lovers. However, he would not say anything at the time. The encounter would come far too soon in his mind and he would not be able to explain himself. He heard footsteps draw close to him and saw his stable lover, Mitsu. Relief flooded through his veins. At least one of them had stayed.

"Welcome home," Mitsu said. "The others aren't here right now."

"I know," he said. There was no point on lying to him. "I heard that they were going to come back home soon because of the hospital's visiting hours."

"Ah," his boyfriend said. There was not a faintest hint of surprise written on his lover's face. He expected that of course.

"We are going to have to talk," he said. He headed toward the living room with Kunimitsu in tow. "There is far too much that I've kept from you all and I know that you might hate me because of that."

Strong arms wrapped around his waist, pulling him in. He stopped for a moment and enjoyed the embrace. "I won't hate you. Besides, I think that if you explain he full situation with them, they might understand."

"If I tell them the reason as to _why_, they will hate me even more. I hurt Syuusuke and Ryoma. I didn't just hurt you."

"You still own them an explanation. They will understand better if you come out with the truth."

"Fine, I will tell them. However, you must keep Syuusuke in check."

"Why?" his lover asked.

"Because he gets over protective when we talk about Ryoma and I know that he will do so when we touch the issue that I've been holding back from you for so long."

"I'll do my best then," Mitsu said. "However, Syuusuke will not let me stop him from getting what he wants."

"I know that better than anyone. I'm sure we all do by now."

He pulled away from Kunimitsu and made his way to the living room. If he calculated right, that meant he had just a few minutes before both Syuusuke and Gen would be back home. The two of them sat on one of the luxurious couches that was in the living room. Having such a short amount of time to sort out his thoughts was not ideal, but he supposed that he should have been prepared for this quite some time ago. The door opened far sooner than he would have liked and he heard the sound of two people coming toward their current location. He reached over and grabbed Kunimitsu's hand. He knew that he would need the support to get through this. Atobe watched as both Syuusuke and Gen entered the room. He noticed the death glare that the sadist sent him. No, this meeting would not be pretty at all.

_To be continued…_


	5. Chapter Five: Pieces

**Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis**

Lady Monozuki: I apologize greatly for not having timely updates. This chapter was hard for me to write and then I've been trying to decide if I should keep writing any of these stories. Thank you all who reviewed. Please enjoy!

_Chapter Five: Pieces_

Tezuka would rather jump off a mountain at this moment. The tension between Syuusuke, Gen, and Keigo was painfully obvious and he could tell that this would end in nothing short of a bloodbath. They had out this off for far too long and he knew that Syuusuke would not be in the mood for listening to anyone. Ryoma was in the hospital and they needed to figure out what was going to happen to their group. He had made his choice, he had always known that it would come to this and had vowed to always stay by Keigo's side. When he made such a choice, there was seldom changing his mind. He knew that Syuusuke would go with Ryoma. Everyone had known that the fact that because their former lover still lived in the house, the tensai stayed as well. Tezuka had seen the ugly sides of all of his lovers. They believed him to be one of the strongest of them all. He really hated trying to live up to that name.

When it came down to situations like this, he was always the one who could be relied on to moderate the arguments and try to keep everything rational. There would be no rational tonight. He knew that everyone was hurting and it wasn't Ryoma's fault. It was unfortunate that Ryoma's attempted suicide was the reason as to why they were here. They knew that it would all come to this point. He had known that there would be no simple solution and that he would be needed should everything get out of hand. He eyed the obviously seething tensai that sat across from him. The usually hidden blue eyes were focused and intent on one person, Atobe Keigo. He could sense the murderous aura already starting to build. Everything that had happened needed to be placed on the table and fast. The problem was that no one seemed to want to speak. Each one seemed lost in his own thoughts, which was not good in the case of Syuusuke. Tezuka had no doubts that his sadistic lover was already trying to come up with a way to murder the man who sat beside him. He knew Syuusuke too well. They had dated before they even agreed to become a five some. The dark tendencies typically came out when you did not want them to and this was one of those cases.

They did not need the extra drama at this point; they needed to get everything sorted through. He knew probably more than the other lovers, but that was because many of them came to him because they wanted someone to talk to—or he had overheard or seen them. He knew that Keigo was struggling with his parents at this moment. He knew that they did not approve of him being in a relationship with five men, he could not exactly blame them. After all, their son was the heir to a multi-billion dollar cooperation and it was bad for press and reputation. Without the others realizing, Keigo had started to push away the others that he did not want at his side. Tezuka was the only one who had the same amount of interaction with the diva as before and he truly cared for Keigo.

Gen, he knew, blamed himself for tearing their happy foursome apart. Really though, the problems had been ensuing for long before that due to Keigo's family issues. They would probably still have ended up in a similar situation even if the other had not joined. However, that would do nothing to erase the guilt that Sanada felt and nothing to ease his mind. No, Tezuka supposed that Gen would still think of himself as the source of the problem. Which this was a good reason that they are talking about everything that had happened at this moment, he did not want someone to feel bad for something that had been created by everyone. He hoped that it would clear the air between them and hopefully allow for them to part on decent terms. He still wanted to talk to everyone without regret or fear that someone would find out. No, that he been doing that with Ryoma for long enough and he did not want to take part in that any longer.

Syuusuke was often unpredictable. However, he had good insight as to reading the tensai. He knew when to avoid and when to intervene. He also knew that Syuusuke had become reliant on Ryoma ever since their initial break-up. He had gone out with the sadist and could never find a way to satisfy the ever-changing pace that the tensai demanded. Their lifestyle had become hectic and that is why he was glad when Atobe approached him with the prospect of moving away from Syuusuke. After a while, he had started to miss the two in the morning wake-up calls and the rush of excitement he always felt from kissing the sadist. He was delighted when they all decided to get together as a group. There was an undeniable amount of chemistry between them. However, he noticed that Syuusuke had become more tame in his time with Ryoma. He could never figure that out and supposed that is why the tensai took the news the hardest. Those two were inseparable when they first got into this relationship.

The amount of love and time they put into each other made Tezuka and Atobe seem like the most boring couple on earth. Their display of affection was shy, innocent, yet rough. It was exciting to watch and you could not help but want to be a part of what they had. They had tried, yes. However, they could not measure up to Ryoma. After Ryoma had come from the incident in America and Keigo had banned him from ever entering their rooms again, Syuusuke had broken down. He had never seen the tensai so depressed and self-loathing than before. Tezuka knew that the sadist had tried to keep himself together for "Ryoma's sake", but he had witnessed the tensai putting a blade to his wrist. He never saw cuts or even scars from cutting, but he knew that Syuusuke had thought about death on more than one occasion. None of them had thought that their five some would turn out like this.

Perhaps the most mysterious out of all was Ryoma. They could never imagine the full details of what had happened to Ryoma in America. However, they knew that he had been raped by a group of people and that whatever happened there had shattered him for life. The promising star had been reduced to smaller tournaments because of that incident. The larger the crowd got, the more Ryoma would struggle to play and focus. After this incident, Tezuka realized that even though Ryoma acted tough, he was frail. Perhaps that was one of the reasons why their former lover had chosen to try and end his life. He had lost any potential due to one incident and had been unable to move forward. He knew that the tennis prodigy had tried. He witnessed the arrogant brat attend a tournament far larger than one would think. He saw how his lover had froze on the field, unable to do anything while against his opponent while the crowd booed him. The broken look in the once excited eyes revealed how much he was hurting. Tezuka never thought that there would be a day when the great prince of tennis would be reduced to such a state.

Then there was himself. He had always projected himself as strong on the outside and did not let much faze him. That of course, was the outside surface and there were few that had actually taken the time to break through the stoic barriers that he had placed. Of course, all of his lovers were experts at doing so and had taken the time to move past to see what was on the inside. He had become a pillar of support in their relationship and tried to maintain this image, even though it took a heavy toll on his health. Whenever someone was frustrated, he always allowed for his lovers to do as they wished to him. He wanted for them to feel better, but in some cases, it did not help. He had suffered just as much as the others had, if not worse. He had to deal with the brunt of Keigo's anger, which usually ended with him going to the hospital to check on his left arm. He had given up hopes on entering any professional tournaments due to his injury during his junior high days.

However, he had still wanted to play in the other tournaments. Because of the fact that Keigo had gone too far one evening, he could no longer play tennis with his left arm. At least, not without him having to deal with a tremendous amount of pain, that was a sacrifice he had made. He had not told anyone else because he knew that they would not handle that news well. In fact, he had to wonder how they would react if they learned the details now. No doubt that they would all leave far more bitter than they wanted. He had wanted for them to be on good terms, but the more he thought about it, the more his optimism was fading. He sighed. He supposed that they would have to start somewhere in order to sort out this whole affair sometime soon. Even though none of them wanted to admit it, they would be there for quite some time and it was doubtful that any of them would get much sleep.

He opened his mouth to start the conversation, but Syuusuke beat him.

"You _bastard_!" the tensai snapped. "This is all _your_ fault."

Tezuka sighed. "Syuusuke," he said. "I think that you should allow for Keigo to explain his actions."

"Why should I let the person who brought Ryoma to that point _speak_?" Syuusuke snapped.

This was going about as well as one could hope when dealing with Fuji. Tezuka could feel a headache coming on and wondered if they had any aspirin nearby. He certainly felt like he would need them if this were to continue.

"You don't understand all of the reasons as to why Keigo did what he did," Tezuka said. Although, he supposed that he did not know either. He knew that there was problems on both ends that he could not figure out. However, he hoped that they would all come into light out of this talk. He looked at the seething tensai, who was glaring at him.

"I don't know why I'm listening to you either; _you_ have always taken his side. I can't believe that you would too! You have suffered by his hand as well. Yet you continue to stick by him no matter what. Tell me, how is your arm doing these days? Don't think that I haven't noticed!"

Tezuka took in a deep breath. He had forgotten that Syuusuke was always observant and did not need to ask people to know what was wrong with them. No, this was not a good way to start off their talk. Syuusuke had to calm down in order for them to even begin talking. That would not happen though and supposed that he should just face the question head-on.

"My arm is not well," he said.

"It's because of _him_, isn't it?" Syuusuke spat. He noted that the sadist looked even closer to murdering Keigo. He knew that the tensai was always over-protective of those who he cared about and should have expected this coming for a while. After all, Syuusuke had not said anything for years and now one of their lovers was in a coma. Really, he should have seen this coming.

"I will tell you how my arm came to be in such a condition as long as you promise to hear Keigo out," he said. "There is a reason behind his actions and you don't know the full story."

"Neither do you," Syuusuke said.

_To be continued…_


	6. Chapter Six: Abuse

**Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis**

Lady Monozuki: Wow, I meant to have this out earlier. Anyway, I'm going camping next week and therefore decided to split my updates. The other two will be updated in Sunday. Thank you all for reading and reviewing! Enjoy!

_Chapter Six: Abuse_

To say that Fuji wanted to hurt someone was an understatement. He wanted to murder someone for the situation that they were currently in. He knew that all of them carried part of the blame in why their youngest lover was in a coma. However, no one carried as much as Atobe Keigo. In the span of five seconds, Fuji had decided to name that man his enemy and would stop at nothing until he had taken his revenge. He was beyond listening to tired excuses. He had wanted to get out of this relationship sooner, but had delayed everything because of Ryoma. Of course, he could have left with the promising tennis prodigy in the middle of the night, but he had not done so. He cursed himself for being idiotic on that part. He had seen the signs before this happened, but thought that he could prevent it by visiting Ryoma. He supposed that was part of his frustration at this moment, but he would rather direct all of his anger at one person instead of taking part of the blame.

He wanted to lash out at Kunimitsu as well for being so naïve in all of this. Really, did his lover think that the injury would go unnoticed by him? Fuji contemplated lashing out at Keigo and actually listening to the person who had basically put Ryoma in the coma. He clenched his fists. He really did not want to deal with any of them at this moment. He wanted to stay at the hospital until Ryoma woke up. He knew that they had screwed up their relationship, but he wanted to at least make it right with one person. He took in a deep breath. He had a feeling that everything that Tezuka and Atobe would say would only make him angrier. However, they needed to get out all of their anger if they ever wanted to be able to move forward.

"Fine, I will listen," he said venomously. He wanted them all to know how displeased he was at even agreeing to hear them out. Of course, he noticed a look of shock on their faces. He wanted to chuckle, but now was not the time. They had obviously expected for him to put up more of a protest and quite honestly, he was not in much of a mood. Besides, he needed to hear out Keigo before deciding to what degree he should take his revenge. He stared at them, waiting for one of them to start speaking. This was going to be a long night if they just continued to remain frozen there, shocked at his words. Gen was the first to recover and cleared his throat.

"We all need to share our sides in this story. This isn't just about Ryoma, it's about all of us and being able to move forward. I think that we can all agree that we aren't going to be together as a group," Gen stated in an unusually soft voice.

"Right," Syuusuke said through clenched teeth. "I think that we should start at the beginning and be _completely honest_ about everything we've done."

His jibe was directed more toward Keigo. However, he knew that both Kunimitsu and Gen had been keeping their own secrets. He too had his own secrets that he kept from everyone and they would never be able to put the pieces together until they had all of them.

_Of course, there is still one person missing._

He waited for one of them to start off the conversation. They really needed to go back to when the first started to have problems. Gen wasn't there at the time, but they were already starting to drift away from each other. He knew that Kunimitsu was under the impression that the abuse hadn't started until after Gen joined, but that is where he was wrong. He always thought that their former captain would be able to pick up on everyone's emotions so well. After all, Tezuka had been the first to break through the barriers that he had placed. He wondered when they had stopped caring for each other in the same manner.

"Syuusuke," he heard. He looked at Tezuka, who had spoken and waited for the next part of the sentence. "Why don't you go ahead and start out."

"Fine," he said. "I know that you're under the impression that Keigo didn't start abusing us until after Gen joined, but I that's where you're wrong. He's been hurting both me and Ryoma since before then."

He saw Gen's and Tezuka's eyes widened. He felt himself grow more angry over the fact that Tezuka had not noticed this before. After all, they had never tried to keep it a secret. Not to mention the fact that Keigo had sprained Ryoma's dominant wrist on more than one occasion. Of course, he probably bought the obviously false tale the their youngest lover had hurt himself during tennis practice. He never did though. He knew all too well of what Keigo was doing. He couldn't believe that such abuse would ever happen, especially to Ryoma.

He had believed for a while that Keigo was truly in love with Ryoma, far more than with him or Tezuka, and therefore could not begin to fathom the idea of abuse. He shifted his gaze from Kunimitsu to Keigo and noticed an incredibly guilty look on his face.

"The only reason why you started to abuse me was because I found out about you hurting Ryoma and you wanted to keep me quiet. You knew that I was already thinking about leaving then, didn't you?"

Slowly, the diva nodded. "As much as I hurt both of you, I wanted for you to stay by my side. I know that this is a pathetic excuse, but because of my responsibilities at Atobe Cooperation, I've had to deal with the extra stress. You know that there aren't many people who accept homosexuals around the world, they are constantly scrutinizing me and all four of you. I started to see you all as a problem that I couldn't deal with."

"What about your parents?" Fuji snapped. "I thought that they accepted us."

"They had," Keigo said. "Until it started to become a problem with the media, we were spending large amounts of money to keep you out of the papers. However, there were some that could not be bought off and that is why there were so many pictures of us in a few various magazines. When you are rich and constantly in the spotlight, people are going to notice your every move and try to get all the information they can about you, especially when you are considered to be one of the most eligible bachelors."

"So because of the media and your parents, you thought it would be okay to abuse both me and Ryoma? Why? Because we didn't know you as well as you did Kunimitsu?"

Syuusuke noticed the diva shifted slightly and he knew that he had guessed correctly. He knew that if Ryoma heard this, he would be crushed. Their youngest member had always put everything he had into this relationship.

"I thought that if I hit you that you would not want to be in the relationship anymore and therefore I would not have to tell you all personally that I wanted to break up."

He had heard enough. Without realizing it, he headed over toward Keigo. He vaguely registered that Kunimitsu was already there, protecting the _son of a bi—_

"Syuusuke!" he heard someone shout. He realized that he had almost punched the wrong person. He stepped back. No, he would not be satisfied until he had his full revenge. He growled. He would not be able to take much more of this. He was already far too angry to even hear more. However, he had promised to listen. He would do so just because he was not one to back out of his word. He may try to avoid making promises, but he was never one to go back on then.

"You can't hold me back_ after_ we're finished talking," he said. He would not hesitate to let Keigo know exactly what he thought of his antics. They were both stupid and ridiculous. Syuusuke sat back down on the couch, wishing that Ryoma was here to help him get through this talk. He sighed.

_No, it would be best if Ryoma didn't hear this at all. He would be heart-broken to know that he didn't matter._

"So you wanted me and Ryoma by your side, but you also wanted to break up with us at the same time?" he asked in the most calm voice he could. He really wanted to punch Keigo and be done with this conversation. He had to remind himself of the promise and the fact that Ryoma was currently in the hospital. He would put up with this just for Ryoma, so they cold both get some of the closure that they needed in this relationship. Syuusuke knew the answer though. However, he just wanted to hear the confirmation first.

"Yes," Keigo answered in a quiet voice.

"What about Gen then? Why did you allow him to join our relationship if you were clearly unhappy with me and Ryoma?"

He saw Gen shift uncomfortably next to him. He knew that the other had always thought that he was to blame for their relationship. Syuusuke waited for an answer.

"Because, you all seemed to be excited at the thought and I wasn't going to tell you no," the diva said. "I thought that I could convince my parents otherwise, but they grew unhappier with my choice. Eventually, there started to be threats on my life because of my orientation. Not to mention the fact that I had four other guys who would stand by my side. They thought that you all were just using me to get to the fortune of the Atobe Cooperation."

"So, you thought that by treating us wrongly, we would just disappear? What type of shallow people do you believe we are?" Syuusuke asked. "You know that we would never do anything of the sort and you allowed for yourself to listen to them? I thought you cared for us far more than that. So did you start to hit Gen too after he joined?"

"No, I left him alone because I didn't want him to know of our problems. I wanted him to believe that we were still happy."

Syuusuke scoffed. "Syuusuke," Tezuka said. "If you two had been abused for so long, why didn't you and Ryoma say anything? You know that I would have stopped Keigo, or at least attempted to."

"Why don't you ask your beloved that question," Syuusuke spat. He didn't want to admit out loud the real reason.

"Keigo?"

"I-I locked them both in a room and hurt Ryoma in front of Syuusuke. I knew that Ryoma was his weakness and that he would do anything so long as I promised not harm Ryoma anymore. Ryoma was always placed us before himself so I knew that he would not tell. Not to mention the fact that his pride prevented him from telling anyone else about what happened."

"But you continued," Syuusuke growled. "Ryoma tried to hide it from me, but I knew that you were still hurting him. I kept to myself because I knew that he would hate me if I told anyone. I tried to help me, but he insisted that he was okay. You knew that he loved you and yet you continued to hurt him and me. So tell me Kunimitsu, when did he start to hurt you as well?"

"He didn't hurt me as much before the incident one year ago. Occasionally he would lose his temper, but I always brushed it off as the fact that he was stressed about handling the company. So I decided to forget about it."

"Then how did your arm go from okay condition to the state that it's currently in now?" Syuusuke growled.

"After we came back and after we tried that one night, Keigo was furious and he took his anger out on me."

"So then _why_ do you want to stay with him?"

"Because he needs me and I love him and forgive him for everything he's done."

_To be continued…_


	7. Chapter Seven: Past

**Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis**

Lady Monozuki: I am so sorry for such a delayed update, I had a lot of personal issues to work through and such. *bows deeply in apology* I had so much fun writing this chapter, I almost didn't want it to end. Sadly, it does. (And after you read this, you're going to think I'm strange because I enjoyed writing of the chapter.) Anyway, thanks for reading and reviewing. You're all awesome! Enjoy!

_Chapter Seven: Past_

Gen had never seen Syuusuke so furious before. This conversation did not come at a good time for them, but it still needed to be done. With every passing sentence, he felt more and more guilty for not noticing what was going on in the house, adding more guilt for even being a part of their group. He had never known about all of the drama going on in their relationship. Of course, there were times where he could sense that someone wasn't telling him the full truth, but he never pressed. Perhaps it was his own fault. He had always been trained to be feared rather than respected and often gave this unapproachable air whenever he could. Maybe none of them felt comfortable with letting him know what was going on. It was taking all of his self-control not to get up and disappear from their lives. He had to wonder if he had not been there, how long they would have lasted. Did he only prolong their suffering? Did they continuously put up a façade just because he was the last to join the relationship?

He knew that the four of them had all be connected in one way or another before they had officially started this group, and so he could understand the closeness between them. He knew that out of all of them, Syuusuke and Ryoma had a special bond between them. They always seemed to be able to offset each others' personalities and were attentive to each others' needs. He distinctly remembered one day when Syuusuke came down with a fever, but refused to tell anyone. Everyone assumed that the sadist was telling the truth, except Ryoma. Ryoma hadn't even been home five minutes before he forced Syuusuke to go to bed. He never forgot how their youngest lover just had to look at the tensai's eyes to know that there was something wrong. Everyone else just believed the story. He knew that in spite of how close those two were, they did their best to include everyone. In fact, they were the ones who tried to make him feel comfortable with their relationship. However, he noticed that their efforts became more and more strained.

He did notice that the two of them preferred to go places. On several occasions, they had offered to take him out to go places without the other two. He most often refused because he wanted to spend time with Keigo and Kunimitsu. He wanted to smack himself for not realizing then that it was their silent cry for help. They had wanted to get away from the abuse, but he often refused and put them in the way of more. He wondered how many injuries they carried were due to him. He clenched the cloth to his pants as tight as he could, trying to conceal his emotions. There was so much going on at this moment. He could not believe that this all went on without him noticing. How could he have so stupid? Was he really that blind to their problems.

A bitter laugh brought him out of his thoughts. "I suppose that you should be happy for yourself, Keigo. You have one person to stick by you through whatever hell you decide to drag them through next," Syuusuke said.

He winced at the harsh tone. Syuusuke seemed to have switched from being semi-rational to trying to hurt the person that seemed to be the cause of their struggles in any way possible. He reached out at grabbed Syuusuke's hand. The sadist seemed surprised at the move and stared at him for a moment.

"Calm down," he said. "It's not going to do any of us good if we continuously try to hurt the other person. We're not even halfway through the problem."

The last sentence seemed to be enough to pacify the sadist for now. The fact that there was still so much ground to cover in their problems was obvious. Even though it was painful to admit that, they had to sort out the problems and allow the parties involved speak in effort to clear or deny anything that's said. He sighed. So far, it had all be true. Their words earlier were still ringing in mind. He wanted to hug them all for not even doing anything to stop it.

"Very well, Gen," Syuusuke growled. "Why don't you tell us then about what Keigo did to you?"

There was an unspoken "I know that you were hurt as well" at the end of the sentence. Really, had he failed to hide it? He wondered when Syuusuke had figured out that he too was suffering because of Keigo.

"He did not hurt me until after we came home from America last year," he admitted. "However, it was not near as bad as some of what you went through."

"It makes no difference," Syuusuke said. "He still hurt you. However, you did a fairly good job of hiding it. Ryoma was the first person to notice the fact that you seemed different and that was before _that_ incident."

_Ryoma had noticed his suffering? When? He was banned to the servant's wing not too long after returning to Japan._

His eyes went wide. He suddenly remembered the night before Keigo made Ryoma move out of their room.

_He clutched his left hand and tried to conceal the bleeding hand from those he passed. He did not want to be asked any questions because he did not know how he would explain them. His lovers were all in different rooms of the house, trying to calm down. Tensions were at a high since returning to Japan and Keigo and Ryoma had yet to make up. There was something more going on between those two, if the state his hand was currently in was indicative. He still could not believe that Keigo had done such a thing to him. He walked into the bathroom and locked the door, not bothering to check before doing so. He stopped for a moment when he heard the sound of soft sobs. He frowned._

Who could that be?

_He headed toward the bath and pulled back the shower curtain. What he saw shocked him. Ryoma was sitting in the bath, crying. He blinked. Tears continued to flow down his youngest lover's face. He had never seen Ryoma look so helpless and lost before. The golden eyes widened with fear for a moment before settling into realization. With a shaking hand, Ryoma reached toward him and pulled him down. He was not expected this to happen. _

"_Please don't tell anyone," he whispered. "Please don't tell Syuusuke. He will just worry."_

_He wanted to refuse, but those golden eyes that had entranced him from the beginning prevented him from doing so. Ryoma touched his bleeding hand, he winced slightly at the contact. He saw a brief flash of anger in Ryoma's face before it faded again. _

"_I won't tell anyone," Ryoma whispered._

Ryoma had noticed the change before that moment. Sanada could not find the words to speak.

"Did you know that before he asked us for sex that night that he and Keigo were fighting about you?" Syuusuke asked. "He confronted Keigo about him hurting you after? Ryoma tried to protect."

He felt his heart ache at those words. Ryoma had tried to prevent the abuse from happening to him. He was a terrible lover. Gen could not help but stare at Syuusuke. He could see the hurt in those sapphire eyes. He knew that Syuusuke loved Ryoma deeply and the fact that the latter was in a coma hurt all the more. They could do nothing to save their youngest lover, all they could do was point fingers and name who was to blame.

"It's true, Ryoma tried to get me to stop hurting you because he thought that you were already having trouble with this relationship and that if I started to hurt you that you would feel as though you didn't belong even more," Keigo said. "I ignored him though."

"In spite of how arrogant Ryoma can be at times, he cares deeply for everyone and puts everyone before himself. He didn't want you to hurt like he had," Syuusuke muttered.

He was trying to sort out all of his thoughts at these words. He could feel his heart hurt more and more. Right now, he just wanted to ravish Ryoma for everything that he did for him, but knew that it was not possible. There was no way that he could ever be able to express his full gratitude. Someone had noticed his blame and had tried to ease his mind. Even though he had not known about it then, he was still grateful for the chance that one of his lovers had taken notice. As elated as he was, he could not believe that Ryoma had put himself into a position in which he had to face Keigo. Ryoma had faced abuse from Keigo, but still went to him and confronted him about it. Not only did he do that, but it happened just a few short weeks after Ryoma had been raped. Gen could feel his anger start to rise. He could not blame Syuusuke for being mad at their rich lover now.

_Yet Syuusuke remained silent and pretended as though nothing was wrong._

"What about when Ryoma was raped?" he asked. "Keigo seemed to be all for visiting Ryoma until he went to some business meeting. After that, he was mad and avoiding the hospital."

There was a brief silence. He knew that the only two people who knew what had happened were Ryoma and Keigo. He glared at the diva, who shifted uncomfortably at the all of the sudden attention he was receiving.

"I never went to a business meeting and I did go to visiting Ryoma in the hospital when you all weren't there," Keigo said. There was a slight pause. "I had gone to the police station there to find out all of the details of what happened and to ensure that whoever raped Ryoma ended up in prison for life. Even though I abused Ryoma, I still didn't want others to hurt him. When I was there, I overheard a conversation of those who raped Ryoma and they said that…that Ryoma planned the attack for attention."

"And you believed _them_?" Syuusuke growled.

"I did. It seemed to fit Ryoma's behavior at the time. He was demanding more attention from me and I thought that he thought of this plan so that I would go down there and save him just like I used to when we first started dating. We got into an argument where everything went unresolved. I accused him of cheating and planning this to try and get attention. He denied everything though and said that I was stupid. Of course, I didn't believe him. I tried to forget about how detailed they went into everything. That night he asked for us to make love to him, I was going to try and forgive him. However, he started to act scared and it brought back the conversation I overheard. That's why I threw him out."

"You think that Ryoma was acting?" both he and Syuusuke asked at the same time. They looked at each other for a brief moment.

"You don't realize how scared he really was then," Syuusuke said. "The first time we visited him in the hospital, he screamed at us to go away and to leave him alone. He didn't recognize us at first. It took us two hours to convince him that we were his lovers and that we weren't going to hurt him."

Gen nodded. "Not to mention after we returned home, I found him crying in the bathroom. He seemed to be afraid of me at first, but then recognized me. He was trying his best to forget, but couldn't."

"And as for Ryoma's behavior," Syuusuke snarled. "He only acted that way so that you would start to include the two of us more. He knew that you would probably break up with the rest of us soon, but he still wanted to spend time with you because he _cared_. He was probably the only one who cared deeply for everyone here. How could you even think that he would cheat on us? You know that he was nothing more than faithful! You _knew_ that he would bend over backwards to try and make you happy. You intentionally pushed him away and accused him of cheating so that he would leave you!"

The sadist was not bothering to control his voice. Gen winced slightly. The words were true. Ryoma always placed them before himself. He tried his best in everything for them. It was never for him, it was always for _them_.

"You didn't see him after the attack because you buried yourself in your work! You didn't see how much he struggled to even _hit_ a tennis ball. It took all of his will to even go back out into a match and play. He knew that you loved to watch him play, he was trying for _you_!"

He watched as Keigo seemed to shrink at every word that Syuusuke spoke. There was hatred in every word, not to mention truth. Gen had witnessed a practice not too long after they returned home. It was pathetic. Their youngest lover had been crying even before he picked up a racquet. Even though he was safe from any danger, the trauma was still there. All he could think at that time was "Ryoma was raped because of his tennis skills and now he will never be able to play again."

He had seen Ryoma struggle and wanted so much to help, but it was hopeless. The past always got in the way. It had reduced the one rising star of the tennis scene to nothing. The silence between them stretched, making him feel very uncomfortable. He knew that Syuusuke was still seething due to the fact that Keigo had actually believed the rapists.

"You didn't care at that point did you?" Syuusuke said at great length. "You didn't care whether or not you hurt Ryoma because you were planning on breaking up with us anyway. You just wanted to try and make it as painful as you could, didn't you? You knew that Ryoma cared for us far more than you gave him credit for, yet you wanted a reason to throw him out because he wouldn't leave you. He kept trying to fix the relationship and you just continued to treat him like trash."

"It's true, I didn't care," Keigo whispered.

_To be continued…_


	8. Chapter Eight: Lost

**Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis.**

Lady Monozuki: I'm so sorry I haven't gotten any posts up for a long time. My life has been so dysfunctional and I've gone through a lot. Thank you to everyone who reviewed and thank you for reading.

_Chapter Eight: Lost_

He mentally groaned. Without thinking, he had let those last words slip out of his mouth. Yes, he wanted to hurt both Gen and Syuusuke, but he still could have done so with more class. After all, he was the great Ore-sama. He wanted to chuckle at his thoughts. He was the worst person at this moment. He was surprised that Syuusuke hadn't killed him yet. He deserved every bit of their retribution should they choose that option. Atobe did not want to continue with this conversation because it seemed that no matter what he said, it would be used against him. Yes, he was not proud of the way he had acted. Most of his actions were based off desire. He was foolish to think for a moment that Ryoma would even leave him.

He _knew_ that Ryoma was the most faithful person in this room. Even though none of the others would admit it, but they had all shared their secrets about other romances, or flings. His many relationships were probably no secret, but the others were a lot harder to discover. For instance, he knew that Gen turned to his former captain, Yukimura Seiichi, whenever their relationship was far too much for him to handle. Kunimitsu had gotten drunk one day and ended up in bed with one of his former teammates, though he never did figure out who. In addition, when Syuusuke dated Kunimitsu, no one was able to tame the sadist. The one person who changed that was the very person who was now fighting for their life in the hospital, the one who was also unaware of this entire conversation.

While he and Ryoma spent a few times together while they were dating other people, they never cheated on their lovers. They only hung out and usually participated in several drinking contests, which amounted to both of them suffering massive hangovers. Still though, he had never heard, seen, or found out about any of Ryoma's infidelities. Atobe should have known better than to believe the rapists. However, he wanted to find _something_ to drive away Ryoma forever. Even his plan had not worked. Their youngest lover had remained in the mansion, locked away and rarely seen. He had tried everything to get rid of everyone but Kunimitsu. Everyone had stuck to him despite of all of him causing problems in their relationship intentionally. They continuously loved him and provided what he needed despite how wrongly he had treated them.

They had given him unconditional love and he continued to treat them without regard. They were willing to be hurt just to be around him. He could not understand why.

_Why would they want to get hurt daily in order to stick with me? They know that I'm nothing but a narcissist and am always used to getting my way. I don't understand why they endured all of what I did to them if they knew that I was going to break up with them. I don't understand anything at this moment._

He could not grasp why someone would want to continue on with an abusive relationship. Of course, he had thought that he could get rid of them in that fashion. However, that did not explain why they would want to constantly be harmed physically and mentally. He knew that he didn't deserve any of them because they continued to stick by him. Even when they knew that he would eventually leave them all, they defended him and still trusted him. They repeatedly put their lives into his hands and he attacked them in any way that he could. Atobe still just could not comprehend _why_.

Atobe looked into Syuusuke's eyes and noticed that the sadist looked close to walking out. He would not blame them if they all left. Really, he could not understand why Kunimitsu was willing to stand by him. He did not deserve it by any means.

"I don't see any reason to continue," Syuusuke said. He winced at the cold tone that the sadist had used. He could understand why though. He had made it very clear to them that they were not wanted in his life. He was content to leaving this conversation as it was. However, he knew that nothing had been resolved, they were still far too angry with each other. They had not figured out anything, even where Gen and Syuusuke would spend the night.

"Syuusuke," Kunimitsu said. He was surprised at first, but decided that it was probably best to stay silent. "We haven't worked out anything. All we have done is shed light on our true relationship."

"There isn't anything to work out!" the sadist spat. Syuusuke pointed at him before speaking. "_He_ doesn't want us around anymore. I think that it's obvious we're the ones who are going to leave. We don't need to waste anymore of our time staying in this place. We already gave up so much in this relationship and we don't need any more abuse!"

"Where are you going to go?" he asked. They were out of contact with their families and he did not know how much money they had. He would not mind them staying another night in the mansion. However, he had the feeling that Syuusuke would rather jump off a bridge than stay another night. He might be able to convince Gen though.

"I don't know, but any place is better than _here_!" Syuusuke spat.

"Calm down, Syuusuke," Gen said. He could tell that the former vice-captain was not at all warm to the idea either. He really had caused all of that no doubt. "You will still need to come back here and get your belongings and I'm sure you're going to take Ryoma's as well. Spending the night will give you a chance to collect the items so you won't have to come back later."

There was silence. Atobe could very well just order servants to pack up the items and have them shipped to wherever Syuusuke lived, but he wanted the sadist to spend on last night. It was selfish of him to wish for that. However, he wanted them to not leave in such an angry manner. If they did, there would be little chance of them ever talking to him or Kunimitsu again. He knew that asking them to stay in touch would be a lot on their part. They probably did not ever wish to speak to him after this. He had hurt them.

"Fine, but I'm staying in Ryoma's old room."

Before he could point out that the room had yet to be cleaned from the incident from earlier, Syuusuke walked down the hall. Atobe watched as the sadist faded from his line of sight. He turned his attention back to Gen.

"You are welcome to use any of the rooms, Gen," he said.

"Thank you for letting us spend the night, _Atobe_."

He flinched slightly. He had been used to hearing Keigo come from Gen's mouth for so long that it hurt. However, he could not demand that Gen call him by his first name but that would be asking far too much. Atobe nodded.

"You're welcome to stay for as long as you wish."

"Don't you think you've hurt us enough, Atobe?" Gen asked.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I know that my apology isn't enough to erase what I have done to you."

"There's one reason why I can't accept your apology, Atobe. You're still lying to us. Find out the true reason why you hurt us and then try apologizing again."

He blinked. He did not believe that he was lying. He had given them the real reason, why did no one believe him? Atobe stared at Gen for a moment before watching him disappear. He turned to look at Kunimitsu instead, looking for an answer that he did not have. After all of that talking, he thought that they would understand after all his honesty. It seemed that he was going to have to think about everything again. Why didn't they believe him? There was nothing left to tell them. He meant every word he had said and he was sorry that their relationship had come to this, but this seemed a bit excessive. All that he wanted was for them to believe him so that they could move on with their lives. He could understand why Syuusuke would hold a grudge. After all, the tensai was known for holding onto thinks and extracting revenge.

Keigo shifted his gaze toward the only one who would stay by him in all of this. He wanted to know if he had handled this all wrong or if they were just trying to take revenge against him. He did not understand and he doubted that he would until someone would explain it to him. While he understood most things without the need for having them explained, he did not understand this situation. All he had wanted was for their misery to end so they could move on. It seemed that it was far too much to ask from them.

"Do you think I went about this all wrong?" he asked. He noticed that his boyfriend shifted slightly. He doubted it was from discomfort, which meant that Kunimitsu had noticed something that he had not. Even though he had noticed this gesture, he waited for his boyfriend to offer up information freely.

"I think that you still owe them more," Kunimitsu said.

"Does that mean you believe them when they say that there is more to my story?" he asked.

"Perhaps," came the reply. "You know that I will never leave you. However, it's not enough for them."

Atobe sighed. "Leave me for a while. I need some time to think through what just happened. I'll be up in a little while."

His boyfriend squeezed his hand one last time and stood up. Atobe watched Kunimitsu leave the room. When he was certain that he was alone, he went to the wine cabinet and pulled out a bottle of port. He wanted to get drunk and fast. He could not deal with what just happened without numbing the pain. He thought that going through this talk would be simple and that he could be as brutal as he wanted. He had. However, he had lost in the battle of his emotions. As an Atobe, it was never acceptable to show any sign of people getting under his skin, it meant that the other side was winning. It was always in their blood to be blunt and he had done just that. Even though he had done that, it hurt him so much. He had been involved with them for a long time now. He had tried to convince himself that he was no in love with them and he wasn't. But the thought of losing their friendship scared him and he did not want to lose their contact. He wanted them to remain as friends so that they could still rely on each other in their own way.

It was asking far too much of them, he knew that. However, he still wanted it to be that way. He could not bring himself to understand why they would rather cut him off than to work everything out. Atobe did not bother pouring a glass from the port, he just drank straight from the bottle .He had every intention of finishing it off that night so that he would not have to come face to face with what they said. He wanted to leave it all alone for the moment and then try to deal with them tomorrow, before they left. By the time he had gotten through half of the bottle, he felt slightly tipsy, but that was not going to stop him from finishing it off. The more drunk he was, the better.

He took another drink and looked at the bottle. There was less than a quarter left now. He had known that Kunimitsu would not approve of his actions and that is why he had sent the other person off to bed so that he could get some privacy while he drank until the pain eased. He sighed. Their relationship and lives were really screwed up. He doubted that there was anything he could do in order to repair the damage, no matter how much he hoped. He had to accept that he ruined it by shutting them out of his life. It would always be his fault and he was willing to accept that.

_To be continued…_


	9. Chapter Nine: Discovery

**Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis**

Lady Monozuki: I finally finished this chapter. I feel as though I'm really dragging the plotline so I'm going to speed it up a little next chapter. Anyway, thank you everyone for the wonderful reviews! You're all great! I hope you enjoy the chapter.

_Chapter Nine: Discovery_

Fuji wanted to punch someone, more specifically; he wanted to punch Atobe Keigo. He had to constantly keep his anger in check or else he would really go out and find the guy and hit the diva as hard as he could in the face. Even being in Ryoma's room did nothing to calm him. He had hoped that it would provide some form of comfort. Instead, he only felt empty and lonely. The stained carpet only served as a reminder of what happened earlier and caused his anger to resurface. He was not only irritated at Atobe, but himself as well.

If he had not been so afraid to visit Ryoma, then his lover may not have cut himself. It was laughable to believe that he had been afraid of someone. Usually others were intimidated by him, not the other way around. He looked at himself in the mirror for a brief second before shattering it to pieces with his hand. Everything he had worked for was ruined. He had screwed up in so many aspects and he hated himself for it. He had promised that he would not allow anyone to hurt Ryoma and failed miserably.

He had no excuses either. He did not know what he had been afraid of. He always knew that his loyalty rested with Ryoma and that the others could never come close in comparing to where he had placed e youngest member. Fuji had tried to not play favoritism throughout their relationship and put as much energy as he could into trying to make it all work. He knew that meant sacrificing time with Ryoma, but figured that he might as well put forth the effort since the other was doing his best.

Over time, he found that he really enjoyed the company of others and their benefits in a relationship, even if others thought that it was strange. However, it was short lived and very easy to fall into a mindset of blaming Atobe for all of their problems. Even though he had known of the problems, he had done nothing to stop them. At least, not what he could have done in order to prevent them from ever happening again. He could not explain it, but there had been something that always prevented him from taking the necessary steps on protecting both him and Ryoma. He always assumed that he was doing this for Ryoma, but it proved to be not so. Still, he tried to convince himself of that to make him feel better.

Why had he let Atobe continue on with the abuse? Perhaps he wanted a reason to be angry with the diva ever since he had first found out about the abuse. He punched the wall in attempt to make him feel better. It did nothing except bruise his hand. Fuji stared at the room. There were very few possessions that their youngest lover had in there. From what he could see there was some clothing, books, and stacks of papers was all the Ryoma had to keep him company in this dismal room. He really should not have been surprised. After all, it was not his first time seeing the room.

It would not take a long time to pack all of the belongings up. First though, he wanted to look through them and read to see if there had been anything that he had missed. Perhaps Ryoma had kept a diary about how he felt and even indicated what drove him to the point of trying to kill himself. He made his way over to the papers and picked up a handful before sitting down near the bed and reading though them. Many of them were from his college courses. A small smile tugged at his lips when he read about Ryoma's opinion of love. Even though he had suffered, he still had an optimistic point of view.

There were some things that you could never buy and love was one of them. You could never take away love from a person either, especially when they chose to give it to you unconditionally. He had learned about that through Ryoma. The papers from school were all written quite well and many of them had positive remarks from teachers. Their youngest lover had done well for himself in school. He had never thought to ask how college was going for him. It never came up in their conversations because he had always been focused on trying to reassure Ryoma that everything would be all right and that Atobe would pay for what he had done.

He never really took the time to learn how else his boyfriend of many years was doing in any other aspects in his life. He never thought that it would matter either. After all, they were both living in a house where they were abused when saw and could barely handle the stress and pain of that anymore. Therefore, he thought that it would always be on Echizen's mind since it was always on his own. As he read on, he found himself to be wrong.

Despite suffering from the abuse, Ryoma had constantly tried to do his best in everything so that he could excel. Fuji had missed that and it was another mark against him on the bad boyfriend list. Of course, he knew that he was not perfect, but the many marks were adding up and he wanted to believe that he was far better than that. He was wrong. He had spent so much time being wrapped up in revenge and hatred that he had forgotten a lot.

Knowing that Ryoma did the best at everything for _him_, to make _him _proud, to show _him_ that he wasn't useless was only adding to his guilt. He never thought of his lover as useless and believed that Ryoma could do anything that he set his mind to. The one exception being that they could not change Atobe. He sighed. He had allowed himself to get distracted. From what he had read though, there was nothing indicative of suicidal behavior. The college papers did not show any sign of distress, no ambiguous sentences that could be misinterpreted. He even went through the notes and found that there weren't even drawings or phrases scribbled on the side.

He opened the desk drawer and found a journal and some more papers. He pulled them out and decided to read the small journal first. Fuji sat down on the bed so he could be more comfortable. He observed the date on the first entry went back to their junior high days when they had first gone out. After reading through a few entries, he decided to skip ahead. The dates stopped in the middle of high school. He decided to read about the end of junior high going into high school and the moments afterward. Nothing written mentioned what had happened in their relationship, it was records of the tennis team and their accomplishments. Once he finished with that, he put them aside and looked at the papers. Many of them were the start of papers that he had read earlier. However, a small portion caught his attention.

_Who knew that Ryoma-chan could write lyrics?_

This was something that he did not even know Ryoma could do. He smiled as he read the lyrical pose on one page. Fuji put down that page and noticed the title of the next song.

_Broken Promises_ by Ryoma Echizen. There was a date in the upper right corner which read _August 10__th__, 20XX._ He frowned. He felt his heart skip a beat and he drew in his breath. The date when this was written was only two days before this. This was probably the closest thing that they would ever find to a suicide note. He did not want to read what was written, the title already had turned him off from wanting to read it.

_You need to read it to know why._

He read the first two verses. Instantly, two memories came to mind. He remembered the night where they said they would never leave Ryoma's side. Particularly, he recalled the Atobe was the one who was intent on erasing their youngest lover's fears.

"_Ne Monkey King," Ryoma said in a breathy voice._

"_What is it, brat?"_

"_Do you think we'll ever break up?"_

"_Why is that thought even in your mind?"_

"_Because you're starting to go through the process of becoming the legitimate heir to Atobe Cooperation."_

"_You should know by now that no matter what we go through, we'll always be together. We can withstand all trials."_

He smiled fondly at the memory. It was one of the brief moments where they were happy. There had been a break in the abuse and they were really trying to work everything out. Apparently, the words meant nothing to Atobe because a week later, the painful routine started again, leaving behind more hurt and anger for both of them. He flinched at the thought of seeing one of Ryoma's bruises from that time and thought that it could not get any worse. He had been wrong though.

Fuji read through the next verses and saw that this time these promises that Tezuka had made to Ryoma. More memories surfaced in relation to them. How quickly indeed were these words forgotten, he could remember them all and they played in his mind over again. Their meaning had long since faded away as they suffering in their silence. They were never ones to share their pain with each other, even though they had all gone through the same thing. He finally read the last lines and recognized that they belonged to both him and Sanada. He gripped the paper tighter, crumpling it slightly. He had hurt Ryoma, the one person he never wanted to.

It hurt to know that he had even been the source of Ryoma's pain. He really should not have been expecting to be excluded considering that he had gone along with Atobe's antics for long enough. He bowed his head and really hoped that Ryoma would pull through this so that he could make up for what he had done. He was wrong for even hurting his lover in the first place, but he wanted a second chance. He could only hope that Ryoma would give him one.

_I would understand if he didn't even glance at us again. _

Even though he knew that Ryoma was not one hold grudges, he could still not forgive himself for even acting this way. He let out a bitter laugh. He was the one who promised to protect Ryoma but had failed miserably. He leaned back on the bed, and tried to relax. The entire day had worn him out, but it still felt unresolved between all of them. However, he had no desire to try and repair some of the damage tonight. He was far too angry at the moment and wanted nothing to do with Atobe anymore. He was more than happy to move out from Atobe's house.

He could use the money he had managed to save up from his job, despite how many days he had to take off due to the fact that some days were so bad that he could not hide the physical abuse. While Atobe had done well not to strike in obvious places, there were times when the diva could not control himself and thus resulting in his inability to go into work. It had been difficult to even miss those days because he needed the money. He had planned to leave a while ago, but he could not without Ryoma. Now, his priorities had changed. He had to take care of Ryoma now. There was nothing left to hold him back.

_No, there was nothing holding you back before. You were just too much of a coward to do anything about it._

"You're a fool, Syuusuke. You let this get out of hand."

He could feel the tears threatening to fall. Why had he waited so long? If he had taken action sooner, how would things have turned out? Would he and Ryoma be living a better life? It would have still been a hard journey, but perhaps it wouldn't have turned out this way. No one had to get hurt further, yet it happened. Now, they couldn't do anything else. It was up to Ryoma as to whether or not he wanted to live.

_Please don't give up, Ryoma. There's still so much that you haven't done yet._

He opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling for a moment. He needed to pack up all of Ryoma's thing and eventually his own. There would be little sleep for him tonight, but it was his punishment. It wasn't enough by his standards, but he would accept it. After all, he would have to endure more in the future. That much was certain. He stood up and decided to go to look for boxes when something caught his eye. He noticed that there were a few boxes in the corner, a few looked as though they hadn't been used in a while, though they were still in good condition. He walked over to them and looked at their contents. One of them contained some old textbooks while another contained Ryoma's old tennis trophies and awards. He noticed that there was one in there that was newer than the rest, he picked it up and looked at the date engraved on it.

_This is the trophy he won in America last year. In just a few hours after he won this, we got the call informing us that he was in the hospital. I'm shocked he even kept it. It also looks as though it's been polished somewhat recently. I wonder why he would do such a thing and leave the others untouched._

He noticed that there were some newspaper clippings from that incident. He could not understand why Ryoma would even keep them around. Fuji knew how hard Ryoma had tried to forget about what happened in America. After looking through the rest of the papers in the box, he noticed that there was a written note. He picked it up and looked at the writing. No one could ever mistake the handwriting of the pompous diva. His eyes widened when he read the note.

_Brat—_

_You should never forget what you did. It's all your fault. You're the one who ruined this relationship._

He couldn't believe that Atobe would stoop so low. As if he needed another reason to hate the guy. Unfortunately, this raised more questions than it answered. A knock came at the door.

"Come in," he said in a quiet voice. Even if he did not feel like talking to anyone at the moment, he would not be rude.

"Syuusuke," came a deep voice. "Are you all right?"

"How could I be all right, Gen? You can't even say that you're fine without lying."

"Where are you going to go tomorrow?"

"It doesn't matter," Fuji said with a bitter smile on his face. "After all, I've potentially lost the only thing that matters to me. What about you, Gen? Where are you going to go?"

"I talked to Seiichi…"

"Your former buchou in Junior High? I didn't know you still kept in contact with him."

"He's going to let me stay with him in his apartment until I can find a place on my own."

"I see," Fuji muttered. "It must be nice to have kept in contact with others."

"Atobe prevented you from contacting your former teammates?"

"Aa, he was afraid that Ryoma and I would leave if we stayed in contact with others. He wanted to be control us."

"You didn't mention this in our talk earlier."

"It didn't need to be brought up. Besides, the goal was not to bring up everything that went wrong in our relationship. We would have been there much longer if that were the case. I only wanted to discuss what we were going to do from henceforth. I know where everyone stands except for you. You're not doing us any favors by standing in the middle. It's not like you to be indecisive."

"I suppose you're right."

"You better figure out where you stand. It will make you feel better once you do."

"You should take better care of yourself as well. Also, I went ahead and had some servants pack your things."

"I could have done that myself."

"I know you. You would have stayed up all night packing everything if you had your way. You need to stop being so hard on yourself."

"You see right through me all of the time," he muttered.

"Have you found anything in his belongings?"

"Aa, there's a song he wrote on the bed. You can read that. I also found out something else just now. It seems Atobe never wanted Ryoma to forget what happened."

He pulled out the several articles from the box. He noticed Gen's fist tighten. They had all tried to avoid mentioning the incident, unless brought up by Ryoma himself. Instead, it seemed as though Atobe had taken the liberty of reminding their youngest lover in spite of the trauma he had sustained from it.

"I won't forgive the man, Gen. You can't ever change my mind either."

"I never said you have to forgive him. However, don't let your hatred let you lose sight of what is important."

"I already lost sight of that a long time ago."

_We all have._

_To be continued…_


	10. Chapter Ten: Depression

**Disclaimer I do not own Prince of Tennis**

Lady Monozuki: Thank you everyone for your reviews! They are much appreciated! Happy holidays everyone, I hope you enjoy!

_Chapter Ten: Depression_

He opened his eyes and glanced over at the clock near the bed. He didn't want it to be morning so soon. It felt as though he had just gone to bed two hours ago. The red numbers read eight forty-five, making him groan. No wonder he had been so tired. It had been exactly two hours since he had fallen asleep. A harsh knock came at the door. He glared it for a moment and tried to ignore the person who was being too loud. He felt something move next to him, which startled him even more. He peered over to see Gen sleeping next to him. They had spent the entire evening packing up Ryoma's belongings and crying while sharing memories. Everything was coming to an end with no resolve between any of them. The knock on the door became more persistent.

"Come in," he growled. He had a good idea of who it was and did _not_ want to deal with them so early in the morning. Especially since it would only be to tell them that they should get out of the mansion.

"You took long enough to answer, Syuusuke," the arrogant voice boomed as soon as the door was opened.

"Some of us we're trying to sleep, Atobe. Don't you dare use my first name anymore," he snarled. "Also, keep your voice down, Gen is still sleeping."

"Ara? Gen slept here? How interesting," Atobe said while smirking. "I thought that you were going to focus on your precious _Ryoma_."

"He was helping me pack," Fuji replied coldly. "My loyalty and priorities have not shifted."

He clenched his fist.

_If only I had acted on them sooner._

He stared at the diva, who was looking at him coldly. There were some things that would not be resolved between them no matter what. He was more than willing to walk away. However, he knew that they both would eventually come to regret this. At the moment though, he was far too angry with Atobe.

"I just have one more question for you, Atobe."

"What is it?"

"Why did you have to send those articles to Ryoma? You _knew_ he was having a hard time getting over what happened to him."

"The brat brought it upon himself."

"How dare you say a thing like that!"

"He pushed us away after asking us to try and help him recover."

"Ryoma only did that because it reminded him too much of what happened! He wanted to have a physical relationship with us, but he couldn't because of what those men did to him."

"I do not care! He was the one who came to us and was the one who pushed us away!"

"How could you be so cruel to the one person who cared for you the most? He _wanted_ to get better so that he could try and fix things between us. He willingly went against you, knowing that it would bring him pain, because he knew that there was still hope. He believed that he could solve all of our problems by sticking around. All you did was destroy a life."

"It was his mistake," Atobe scoffed.

He raised his hand to smack the diva, but someone had already beaten him to it. He glanced over and saw Sanada glaring at the diva. He had never seen such a dark expression on the normally stoic person's face before. Silence between the three of them ensued. It was stifling to be in the presence of one Atobe Keigo, but it would be an insult to Ryoma to walk away.

"Have you finally chosen a side then, Gen?" the diva asked in a dark voice. Fuji knew that Atobe would not take kindly to being struck like that.

"It does not matter whose side I am on," Gen replied. "I do not need any other reason to strike expect for the one that you are tarnishing Ryoma's name. I suggest you leave this room before anything worse happens to you. Syuusuke and I will be gone before lunch. We wouldn't want to stay here longer than that anyway."

If Atobe was surprised, he did not express it. However, he was having a hard time believing that Gen had just said those things. If anyone had uttered those words before this incident, there would have been hell to pay. Of course, there would still be hell in their future.

The diva did not say anything else. He lowered his hand and turned toward Sanada.

"Thank you, Gen."

"You were going to do the same, I just reacted quicker."

"I suppose you're right. I apologize for waking you."

"It wasn't you who woke me."

"Shall we start moving boxes then? Knowing Atobe, he will hold you to your word."

"There is not much to move anyway. I'll call Seiichi and have him help us. I'm sure he would let you stay too since if you still do not have a place to stay."

"Perhaps until I am able to get my own place," he said distantly. "I think that it would be best though if we did not stay with each other. We all need time to heal from this and it is better if we heal separately."

"There is no justifying what he did, Syuusuke. He hurt all of us. Even if we all are hurting, we still need to be able to rely on someone. Don't close yourself off to people."

"I know, Gen."

_But it might already be too late for me. My heart has already been poisoned to the point where nothing will erase the pain I am feeling. I have no one left to turn to since I was closed off from my friends and even my lovers. It will not be easy to open up again._

He threw a glance at the boxes in the corner. It took them five boxes to pack all of Ryoma's belongings. Most of them were clothes and books. Everything else was forgotten accomplishments and few memories of the joy that they used to share. There were not many, but they were small glimmers of hope. Syuusuke picked one box up and headed outside. It was a lengthy walk, but he did not mind. After all, this was just another part of the journey that he had to go through before he could enjoy the future. If he did not take this step now, he would forever live in misery.

_Even though it's where I've lived up to this point. I have to change. I have to get stronger._

**--**

He squeezed the hand of the person lying in the bed one last time before standing up and leaving. His chest clenched tightly, making it difficult to breathe once again. Every time that he visited the hospital, it was the same. Each time he saw the pale face of the person he loved, he felt ill. He had asked himself why this had to happen and why it was so difficult to see the one he cared about most still resting still as though they were dead. Perhaps because he knew it was no longer about the physical battle. Instead, it was the emotional one that haunted both him and the person sleeping.

Two months had past. There was no sign of Ryoma ever waking up and there nothing that he could do to ease the pain of his heart. He prayed that by some miracle, Ryoma would open his eyes and smile at him again. As the days slipped by, so did the chances of him ever seeing the golden eyes of his lover. He walked slowly out of the hospital, letting his thoughts eat away at his mind. They had changed from his resolve of getting stronger to one of self-hate and guilt that he let this incident happen.

While it was not entirely his fault, it felt as though it was his burden to bear alone. After living for three weeks with Yukimura and Gen, he had found his own place to live and moved out. It was closer to both the hospital and his work so that he would spend less time traveling back and forth between places. That was hardly the worst part of it. Tezuka, his former lover, was his boss at his company. He was forced to see the man that had chosen the one person who he could not stand. It was painful to be reminded of what had happened every day.

_It's not as if you don't do that enough on your own._

It was difficult to become stronger when it felt as though your entire life was still falling around you. The physical wounds from the incident two months ago had healed, but the scars from it were still there. As much as it pained him to admit, the only reason why Ryoma was still in a coma was because he did not wake up. Sometimes he wished that he could join his lover in that state, but he knew that it would not do any good. All it would do was delay the inevitable of having to wake up again and face the harsh reality that everything was wrong. He was broken and empty. There was no one to help fix what was hurting him the most.

His life was pathetic. He hardly interacted with anyone around him. Occasionally he would speak with Sanada and Yukimura to see how things were going. He even found out that Oishi was a part of the hospital staff and had managed to reconnect with him and Kikumaru. Outside of that, he tried to avoid Tezuka and his co-workers. The person that he needed the most was still trying to find the will to live. He would go in every day to talk to Ryoma and try to give him a reason to keep fighting. It never seemed to work and it was tiring. He just wanted to see the face of his lover again.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a key. There had been many days where his body would take him back to his cold apartment. He could never remember how it happened so fast. His mind was usually blank during those times or pondering what he could tell Ryoma tomorrow. There was no much anymore. After all, he lead a life that was nothing but misery. It was dark no matter where he went. There was no future in front of him because he did not have the one thing that he needed and wanted the most.

There was no one to hold him and tell him that everything would be all right. There was no warmth that he could hold on to; it was bitter and cold, a constant reminder of the empty void that could not be filled in his heart. There was no one to fill it for him because he would not allow himself to fall for the same mistakes twice. No, he would not go running back into the light that had deceived him before so willingly. He was not going to be fooled again. He staggered over to the medicine cabinet. His body was weary and ready to give out on him. However, he would not be able to sleep because his mind continued to think. It had gotten so bad that he had to turn to drugs to help ease his mind.

He pulled out a bottle of pills. It was tempting to swallow more of these than what was recommended. However, he had to remind himself that Ryoma still needed him. He had to get better.

_You promised yourself that you would try harder. You said that you would not let something like this consume you. Yet here you are again, taking drugs to ease your pain._

A small chuckle escaped from his hoarse throat. How true. He had become quite pathetic. However, he was unsure of how to change.

_To be continued…_


	11. Chapter Eleven: Determination

**Disclaimer: I do not own Prince Tennis**

Lady Monozuki: Happy new year's everyone! Thank you all for your wonderful reviews. Tissues have now been issued to every reader in case you need them. Enjoy!

_Chapter Eleven: Determination_

Glass shattered on the ground, flying in various directions. He did not move his feet or even try to avoid being hit. A few shards tore at the flesh, breaking it and causing it to bleed. He had gone to get a glass of water for Oishi, who was visiting him, but could not stop shaking, thus resulting in this minor incident. He looked down and picked the pieces off his feet before stepping away from the mess. There was no doubt that Oishi had heard that. After all, the mother hen of Seigaku Junior High had turned into one for the hospital. Almost immediately upon seeing him, the doctor had noticed that he was skinnier and more tired-looking than usual.

He supposed that his self-abuse was not as concealed as he thought. Which would explain the awkward encounter between him and Tezuka earlier this morning, he had insisted that he was fine; he had lied.

"_Syuu-Fuji-san, could please meet with me in my office?" Tezuka asked._

_As much as he could not stand Tezuka, he could not go against is boss. He gritted his teeth. He was too tired to be on his guard. In a lame attempt to help himself get better, he had not taken any pills which resulted in a sleepless night. He followed wordlessly behind his former lover. He hoped this would not take long._

_The door closed behind them and he waited for Tezuka to start speaking. Instead it seemed that the other was content with staring at him. Under normal circumstances he would have teased the other and then made a biting remark to get his revenge. However, he could barely keep himself awake._

"_Syuusuke," Tezuka started._

"_It's Fuji," he corrected. His tone was not as biting as he would have liked._

"_Are you taking care of yourself? You seem really off."_

_He would have put on a smile, but he knew that it would not work. They had known each other far too long for it to work. Fuji chuckled. It was a bitter laugh. After all of the years of silent suffering, _now_ was when Tezuka decided to care. _

"_This is nothing that I can't get over, Tezuka. Is that all you wanted to discuss?"_

"_How is Ryoma?"_

"_It's Echizen to you," he snarled. His brief moment of anger quickly melted away when a wave of dizziness washed over him. "He hasn't woken up. Now if you'll excuse me, there is work to be done."_

"_Fuji, I want you to go home and get some rest. Knowing you, you're at your physical limits."_

"_I don't need you to baby me, Tezuka. You had your chance."_

_Without another word, he walked out. Since Tezuka had told him to take the rest of the day off, he left the office and instead went to visit Ryoma. It was there that he ran into Oishi, who was getting off his shift. He asked the mother hen if he would like to come over, hoping that he would find comfort in some company._

Fuji headed toward the kitchen to get something to clean up the mess. Everything around him started to swim. It was not uncommon for him to get dizzy and it was not uncommon for him to suffer from massive headaches. He always took medication though to make these go away. It worked and he would soon fall asleep. He repeated this cycle as often as needed as long as it did not interfere with work and his schedule for visiting Ryoma.

It was also not unusual for him to sleep away most of the days, often causing him to forget about meals and thus skipping them. He did not know what day it was and often showed up to work even when he was not scheduled. If it had not been for the hope that Ryoma would wake up one day, he would have given up a long time ago. Even now, the thought was tempting. He picked up a broom and started sweeping.

"Fuji, are you okay?"

"It's just a couple of scratches, I'll be fine," he said and a quiet voice.

"No, I meant are you fine emotionally."

He put on a strained smile. "Of course," he replied. "There's not much I can do except be support at this time."

He continued to clean the mess before getting another drink for his friend. After that, he decided to take care of his bleeding feet. He could not feel the pain of the scratches and it had not bothered him. He only decided to clean them out because he knew that Oishi would insist and not leave if he didn't. They were neither deep or long, but they bled as though they were both.

His mind went back to the day he found Ryoma lying on the floor, there had been a pool of blood around the limp figure's wrist. He shuddered and tired to clean it up quickly. That day would always haunt him. He went back out to the living room, finding that Oishi was looking through a photo album he had forgotten about. They had agreed that what had happened in the years he fell out of contact with them would not be a topic up for discussion.

Seeing the photo album though, he was reminded once again of all the times they had spent together. Even if they were not all happy, they had enjoyed the times they had gotten along. He sat down next to his friend on the couch, not making any motion to explain the pictures and what had happened when those were taken.

"You look sad in all of these," Oishi commented. He glared at the doctor. He had prided himself on being difficult to read. Every one of those pictures showed him with his mask intact, or so he had thought. He did not try to deny his unhappiness. His friend put away the photo album and looked at Fuji.

"Why did you want me to come visit you? You did not want me to pry about your former relationship or the reason as to why Echizen is in the hospital. However, you invited me over without a good reason. I hardly think that it was for the sake of company because you would have stayed with Echizen until visiting hours were over."

He stared wide-eyed at the doctor. When had Oishi become so observant? He closed his eyes and tired to think of the reason why he had asked the doctor to accompany him home.

"Echizen is in the hospital because he tried to commit suicide," Fuji confessed. There was no point on hiding it much longer. After all, it was good for people to share these things. At least, that is what he had read in those self-help books he had been reading recently.

"When did this happen?"

"About two weeks ago," he replied. "Our relationship with each other had grown really strained over the past few years. Last year, Ryoma went to America to participate in a major tournament."

"I remember watching that match. After that, he disappeared."

"That's because after that match, Ryoma was attacked and raped. He could hardly face us after that and it was difficult for him to move on from it. With our relationship already strained, it only put more burden on us and…"

He stopped there. He knew that if he continued to speak that he would let out the entire story. If he was not already emotionally strained, he could handle it. However, it was just a constant reminder to him that everything had boiled down to his hesitation.

"I see," Oishi said. Fuji noticed that the doctor did not press for more details, which he for which he was grateful. He noticed that his whole body was shaking. Even just talking about it for a few minutes had sent him into this state. He hated it. To him, being affected by this was embarrassing.

"So you're blaming yourself for what happened. Fuji, I don't know everything that happened, but you cannot take all the responsibility. If Echizen saw you like this, I doubt that he would be happy at what you have done."

He had already tried to convince himself of that. However, it hurt more when coming from Oishi. He did not know why.

"I suppose you're right."

"Come on, we'll go out to eat and take a walk around the park. How does that sound?"

He nodded. It didn't sound like a bad idea at all.

**--**

They had to cut their walk short because Oishi received an urgent message from the hospital. Fuji had gone along as well in order to visit Ryoma one more time. He stared at the figure in front of him. Ryoma looked the same as always, pale, and unmoving. His eyes flickered briefly away from his lover's face and noticed that there were flowers there that he had not seen before. He walked over and picked up the card. It was Sanada and Yukimura.

He was grateful that they had taken the time to stop by. He made a mental note to call Sanada later and talk to him. For now though, he would sit by Ryoma's side until they told him that it was time to leave. He sat in the chair by the bedside and touched the smooth hand of Ryoma.

"Ryoma, I'm back again. Today I decided to invite Oishi over. He looked at the photo album that you made. He pointed out that I looked sad. However, he didn't say anything about you. Were you content even though you knew how this relationship would turn out?" He let out a small chuckle. "Of course, what am I thinking? You were happy just to be by our sides. It did not matter what we did as long as you could be in our presence. I remember you telling me that one time. Why could I not be as happy as you, I wonder.

"Oishi also told me that I should take care of myself more. I know that he is right, but right now, it's so hard to convince myself that I have a reason. You have not woken up and I fear that if you died what will happen to me as well. I've tried to imagine life without you and I can't. I know this sounds really cheesy. However, it is true. I never thought that I could bring myself to love someone as much as you. Yet you have proven me wrong once again. You really do like to defy everything that is against you. You know, the doctors say that you may not wake up at all if you continue to spend your time in a coma. I know it's selfish of me to ask, but fight once again and prove them wrong. Please get through this. I promise that I am waiting for you to come back. I am never going to leave you again."

He did not bother holding back the tears. He missed Ryoma so much and was having a hard time living day to day. He wanted his lover back, one that would fight to get stronger instead of resigning to unconsciousness and staying there.

"Syuu," he heard someone whisper. The voice was hoarse. He looked up and saw golden eyes staring at him. They held a look that he had thought he would never see again, one of determination.

"Ryoma," he whispered. He could hardly believe it. "You're awake."

"Mada mada, Syuu," came the response. "You look sick."

He really could not hide what he had done to himself. "Not anymore," he whispered. "I have to get the doctor. Promise me that you will stay awake."

"I'll be waiting."

Fuji ran off to get the doctor. His mind was racing.

_Ryoma is awake!_

"Maybe now everything will start to work out once again."

_Everything is going to be okay, I promise. I will get better and so will you, Ryoma._

_To be continued…_


	12. Chapter Twelve: Revelation

**Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis**

Lady Monozuki: This chapter was a pain to write. I think I restarted it about thirty times before I got it to the point where I was satisfied with it. Ah well, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. As is now mandatory, I hereby issue tissues to my readers. Thank you all for you reading and reviewing! You're the best. Enjoy!

_Chapter Twelve: Revelation_

Gen hung up the phone and sighed. It had been two months since they had split up and he felt as though he was the only one trying to work out the problems. He had tried to talk things out with Tezuka and Atobe, but got brief answers. It was heartbreaking to know that their years together meant next to nothing. He had talked to Syuusuke the most, but had hardly seen the other since he moved out of the apartment. It was up to him to fix their relationship, but he felt as though he deserved more than what he got.

A hand rested on his shoulder. He turned around to see his friend smiling lightly at him. He was grateful that Seiichi had taken him in after they decided to leave. Without his best friend, he was unsure of what would have become of him. Even if he did not want to admit it aloud, he was hurt and lost. He was surprised he could feel that way. After all, he thought that he would stop being lost after he graduated from school. He was very wrong.

"You shouldn't worry too much over their reactions. They're all trying to work out what they're feeling as well."

"I know," he said. "But it doesn't feel like it's enough."

"You were together for eight years and most of those were abusive. You can't expect the wounds to heal that quickly."

"You're right, as usual."

"Have you heard anything from Fuji?"

"No," he replied. "I thought that he would have called by now. I can only hope that he's taking care of himself. The last time we saw him, he didn't look so well."

"Do you think we made a mistake in letting him leave the apartment?"

He sighed. It was true that the only reason why Fuji had taken care of himself while staying with Yukimura was because his former captain had refused to let the other see Ryoma. Being in no position to argue, the other did as told. Now that Fuji was on his own, they had seen his health decline drastically.

"Once Ryoma wakes up, he should be fine."

"What about you? What are you going to do from now on?"

"I don't know. I value their companionship, but they do not seem interested in making amends."

"Again, that's their problem. You can only keep the door open and wait for them."

"Seiichi," he muttered.

"Yes?"

"Have I ever thanked you for helping me through all of this?"

"No, but seeing you recover from this heartbreak would be enough of a thanks for me."

He nodded. "I'm trying."

"I know you are," was the simple reply.

* * *

He watched silently as the doctor checked Ryoma and asked questions. His mind was still racing now that Ryoma was awake. There were several things that he wanted to discuss with his lover and try to figure out what they would do from here on out. The first item on his agenda was to apologize. He had let Ryoma suffer all of this time without considering the other's feelings. It was selfish of him and if he had manned up in the first place, they would have never ended up in this situation.

He noticed that Ryoma's eyes were staring at him. It wasn't the usual longing stare that he was used to, it was filled with concern. Did he really look that bad? His appearance was not something that he had put a lot of thought into when he thought it to be trivial in comparison to Ryoma being in the hospital. However, he never thought that he looked terrible.

The doctor cleared his throat. "Since your external injury has healed already, I see no reason why you shouldn't be able to leave the hospital in a few days. You will feel a little weak, but that is to be expected. Your body has been in one position for a long time so it will take a while to recuperate from that. I also recommend that you see a counselor for your psychological problems. Now, if you will excuse me."

"Thank you doctor," he said. He watched the man leave the room before making his way over to Ryoma. He grabbed the smaller hand. All of the sudden, his apology did not seem like enough. However, he knew that it was necessary. He opened his mouth to speak.

"You've lost weight," he heard. He blinked. That was something that he had not expected Ryoma to say. "Are you sick?"

_So like him to worry about others before himself._

"I'm fine," he insisted. "How are you feeling?"

The other frowned. "Numb and foggy," Ryoma replied.

"Ryoma, I'm sorry. I know that I have done nothing that warrants your forgiveness. However, I want to make it up to you. I made stupid choices in the past, but I promise that I won't do the same thing to you again. I'm here for you from now on. B-But I will understand if you don't want me by your side."

"Syuu," Ryoma whispered. "I told you once before that I knew why you were acting that way. It hurt that you chose him over me, but I understood. All I want to know is why you didn't visit me for months."

"I was afraid. I know that's not like me, but after he caught me the last time…." He couldn't find the words to express exactly what he had gone through.

"He hurt you again," Ryoma finished for him quietly. "He must have hurt you badly for you to be afraid to see me. You never were concerned with the punishment before."

"No, I wasn't. Do you remember back in our junior high days where I would control the matches so that I would win?"

"Yes."

"I couldn't this time. I thought that if I kept my head down low, I could wait for the right moment to make a comeback. It never came and before I knew it, I was sucked into the sick game that _he_ set up."

He saw that Ryoma had clenched his bed sheets. "What happened between you all?"

"We made our own choices. Tezuka stayed with _him_ and Gen is currently living with Yukimura."

"His former buchou?"

Fuji was impressed that Ryoma even remembered who that was. It was no secret that their youngest loves was bad with names. He let a small smile grace his lips.

"Yes, he's been in contact with him and they maintained their friendship. I lived with them for a few weeks before I moved out."

"I see," Ryoma muttered. "Are you in contact with any of them?"

He shifted. Why did Ryoma care so much for the others when he was right here? Was it because they were absent that he wanted to know?

"Gen and I talk every once in a while. I haven't heard from _him_ and Tezuka…Tezuka is my boss."

"I thought you were going to start working on opening your own photography studio. Why are you working at a law firm?"

"Because there were some expenses that I didn't calculate."

_Like your medical bills or an apartment._

"Ah, how long are you going to work there then?"

"Until I have enough money to open a shop," he replied. "I don't want to work under Tezuka for longer than I have to."

"You really hate them don't you?"

"Yes," he replied, not bothering to hide the obvious venom in his tone.

"Syuu, they've all suffered. You can't hate them for that."

_Why is he defending the person who drove him to this point?_

He stared at the other, not bothering to make a reply. He knew that Ryoma would not tolerate for bashing their former loves. It was not in his nature, no matter what people thought of him. However, Fuji could not say the same thing. He wanted revenge. For years he and Ryoma had suffered and it was because of them that they even landed in this situation.

_You were the one who did not do anything about it until after he almost died._

It was true. He wanted to pass all of the blame on others, but he held as much of the blame as they did. As much as he hated them for hurting Ryoma, he was just like them. He had made Ryoma wait and this was his punishment.

There was a long silence between them. All of his previous questions had disappeared, but one. He had to know the reason.

"Why did you try to kill yourself?"

Ryoma flinched at that question. Fuji noticed that he seemed hesitant to answer the question. Now he was curious. He had thought that Ryoma would act differently after his suicide attempt. But the other had spoken almost as if it had not happened. However, now that he had brought up the topic, his posture had completely changed.

"I didn't want to try," he whispered. "I wanted to succeed."

_To be continued…_


	13. Chapter Thirteen: Alone

**Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis**

Lady Monozuki: I honestly thought that I was not going to get a chance to update any of my stories this week. However, the idea for this chapter hit me strongly and it was amplified when I had a conversation with one of my friends. So you here you have the results. Again, tissues are issued to all who need them. Thank you everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter. This chapter is dedicated to** EchizenRyomaLover**. Thanks for all your support!

_Chapter Thirteen: Alone_

Fuji stared at Ryoma with his eyes wide open. The words that the other had spoken still echoed in his mind in a never-ending cycle. Out of all the responses that he could imagine, that had not even been an option.

_Did you really expect him to try to kill himself for another reason?_

He should have been expecting something else, but he had wanted to believe that the other had not been so far gone that they wanted to give up their life. He blamed this on himself. If only he had done more, they would have been able to have a better life. If only he hadn't been such a coward. He had taken cover when Ryoma needed him most. He should have been there for him.

"W-Why did y-you want to die so bad?" he asked. His voice was shaking. It was pathetic. However, he had very little control over his tone or emotions.

Ryoma let out a bitter chuckle. "Everyone abandoned me." Those simple words cut his heart.

_N-No, I didn't abandon you, I was waiting for the right moment where you and I could leave together._

He didn't buy the words that his mind just fed him. He had _abandoned_ Ryoma. He thought that he could save himself so that they could be together once they officially broke up. In the process, he left the one person he had deemed important in his life. What was worse was that he didn't give Ryoma any second thought. All of this time, he had thought that he was doing Ryoma a favor by visiting him every once in a while and making promises that they would leave together.

"It took you cutting my wrist and almost dying for you to wake up, Syuusuke. Tell me, would you have left Keigo if I hadn't?"

Fuji flinched. He didn't like the tone that Ryoma was using now. It hurt too much to hear those words coming from Ryoma's mouth. The air was suffocating. He wanted to go back to the light conversation they were having before this. There was no bitterness, there was no anger, and the words didn't hurt. He hung his head. They both knew the answer.

"Why did he matter more to you than me? You _knew_—" He again flinched at the cold, accusing tone. "—what he had done to me and what I went through in America. You _knew_ what I strived to recover after that incident. In spite of that, you _still_ left me on my own. You chose the man who didn't believe me over me. I believed I could trust you; that you would never let me down and yet…yet, you still left alone."

He realized that Ryoma was crying. He looked up into the golden eyes that usually held so much fire and strength. They were dead, broken, nothing more than empty shells. He had caused Ryoma so much pain. He moved from his chair and sat on Ryoma's bed. He lifted a shaky hand and tried to wipe away the tears.

_You really screwed up. You had plenty of opportunities and you let them slip through your fingers. No matter what you want to believe, you still chose to hurt the one that you cared about most for the man the hurt you the most. What did you gain from it?_

"Ryoma," he whispered. He pulled the other into a hug and tried to calm Ryoma down. "It's all right if you hate me forever. However, I want to take care of you. Please let me do that at least. I owe it to you."

Tezuka checked the messages on his phone and sighed. There were three missed calls from Sanada that he had no intention of returning. He knew that he couldn't ignore the other forever. He just wasn't interested in hearing what Sanada had to say right now. He was far more concerned with Syuusuke. Fuji seemed to be in a downward spiral ever since they officially broke up.

It was hard not to notice the drastic changes that Syuusuke had undergone in such a short amount of time. He wondered if the other ate regular meals anymore or even slept properly. There wasn't much that he could do though, he had tried confronting the other at work, but it had not ended like he wanted. It was not surprising.

He should not have expected Fuji to tell him every worry in his life. It was not his place anymore. They had gone their separate ways and all that he could even hope from the tensai was that they would still keep in contact, which had not happened. He couldn't call Fuji and demand that the other tell him what was going on. He had lost the privilege. However, that did not mean that he couldn't hope that Syuusuke would call. Tezuka entered the room that he and Keigo now shared. Vaguely, he noted that the diva was in front of a laptop, working on their bed. He put down his briefcase and went over to greet his lover.

"When did you get home, Mitsu?" Atobe asked.

"Just a few moments ago," he replied. He kissed Keigo lightly. "You didn't go into work?"

"I got home early," the other replied in a distant voice. He didn't say anything. Keigo was probably thinking about the business right now and didn't need him as a distraction. He started removing his work clothes. He disliked dressing in a suit with a tie, but he had an example to set at the office.

He stared at Atobe for a moment, lost in his own thoughts. Ever since their official break-up a couple of months ago, the other had immersed himself into work and barely paid attention to him. It was just another reminder that he could never compare to Ryoma. He had imagined life to be different now that the others were no longer in the picture. Not that he didn't care for the others, he just wanted to monopolize Keigo's time. However, the opposite had happened. He was slowly losing his lover and he couldn't do anything about it. He thought that they would be happier, but they were still just as miserable. The only difference now was that the other didn't speak to him about their problems. It hurt to know that he could never measure up to Ryoma.

No matter what the diva said to placate him, he knew the truth. They had been together too long for him _not_ to know. He sighed. He had resigned to the fact that Ryoma meant more to Keigo a long time ago. However, now that they were separate, it was a barrier between them. Despite all that had happened, Atobe loved Echizen. The words that Keigo said at the argument months ago were nothing but a lie. They were only said to drive the others away. He didn't know why the diva would hurt the others, and himself, in that way. He recalled the brief conversation that he and Keigo had afterward.

"_Gen says I'm still lying to them," Keigo said after several moments of silence._

"_What? Why would he say that?"_

"_I don't know. I thought that I would be fine with them leaving, but…but maybe I'm wrong."_

"_What are you saying?"_

_The diva didn't say anything. He was content to wait for an answer. It had been a confusing night. There had been so many emotions running right now and it would be best if they thought it through._

"_They'll always be a part of my heart, Mitsu."_

"_Aa," he agreed._

"_I'm afraid that I made the wrong choice."_

Strong arms wrapped around him, bringing him out of his thoughts. He breathed in the familiar scent that only belonged to Atobe. It brought him comfort to be in the arms of the one he chose.

"We need to talk," Atobe murmured. He stiffened, not liking where this was going. He didn't say anything though, hoping that he was wrong.

"About what?" he asked.

"About us," Atobe replied. He felt his heart sinking. It made him sick. "We both know that we're not committed to this relationship."

"W-What are you talking about?" It was rare for him to fumble over words.

"You know that I can't get over the brat and you can't get over Syuusuke," the diva said. He felt something stab his heart. He opened his mouth to protest, but Keigo continued. "You can deny it all you want, but you still love him. I-I appreciate you sticking by me, but we're better off on our own. There's no point on pretending that we're in love with each other."

"You're wrong," he muttered. "I _am_ in love with you."

"But you love Syuusuke more," Atobe countered. "You love him more than you do me. If we both continue to deny that, we're only going to end up hurting each other more. You know that our relationship isn't going anywhere. You can tell me as much as you want that you are okay without sex until we've healed, but you _know_ that if we ever have sex that we won't be calling out each other's names."

He pulled away from Keigo. His chest hurt so much that it was getting difficult to breathe. The room was spinning. He didn't want to hear these words, he didn't want to acknowledge the truth of what was said.

"You don't mean this," he whispered. "You're just lying to yourself again."

"I am not," Atobe said quietly. "I have thought this through and…and I can't continue to lead you on. I am not interested in you anymore."

"What am I supposed to do then?" he whispered.

"What?"

"What the hell am I supposed to do?" he shouted. It was rare for him to raise his voice. "I chose you in spite of everything that we've been through, despite that you hurt me too and _this_ is all that I get? I gave everything up to be with you. Why is that not enough? Why do you still love Ryoma? Why is he still important to you?"

"Don't lie to me, Tezuka!" Atobe shouted back at him.

His eyes widened in surprise. "Gomen, Keigo."

"You chose me because you knew that you wouldn't be able to convince Syuusuke to stay with you. You weren't doing me any favors!"

He didn't have anything to say. He wanted to tell Keigo that he was wrong. However, a part of him knew that it was true. Even if he didn't want to admit it, it was still a part of the reason why he stayed.

"As for what you are going to do, I don't know. However, I think we both know that we're better off separated for now. I'm sorry that I couldn't give you what you wanted, but you couldn't give me that either."

Tezuka walked out of the room without saying another room. He needed to get out of there and just sort through his thoughts. There were so much that he needed to think through. He knew that he was being unfair to Keigo, but that did not mean that he was using the diva. While he may not have been to the relationship, but he just wanted a fresh start. They had all been hurt in some way and they did not know how to get over it. He had tried.

_No, you just wanted to pretend that you did so you can say that tried. You wanted to show Syuusuke that you had done better than him and make him jealous._

He wandered through the streets, trying to figure out what he was going to do. It was obvious that he and Keigo were over. He could do nothing about that. However, he did not know what to do about the future. He had nowhere to go and he had no one in his life that he could rely on. He had never thought of a future that didn't involve one of his former lovers. Now…now he was alone. There was no one by his side to help him through this.

He didn't know how long he had walked or even where he was going. Everything was blank in his mind. All of his previous thoughts were gone once he realized that he was alone. There was no one to take him back. They were all alone. He climbed the stairs to an apartment complex. He couldn't register which one, but his body seemed to know. It was almost acting on familiarity than anything. By the time he realized where he was, he had already pounded on the door. The door opened.

"Tezuka," came a surprised voice.

"Please," he whispered. "Let me stay the night."

_To be continued…_


	14. Chapter Fourteen: Warnings

**Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis**

Lady Monozuki: Goodness, it's been a while. I am really sorry that I haven't updated. Last month was really crazy for me and it's not going to be getting any better. Thank you everyone for your reviews and for reading! I hope you all enjoy this chapter!

_Chapter Fourteen: Warnings_

He didn't know what was more surprising, the fact that Tezuka was in front of him or the fact that he had asked for a place to stay for the night. A part of him wanted to refuse, but the other saw the hurt look in Kunimitsu's eyes and knew that something had gone wrong. He stared and contemplated. It was only for a night, it wouldn't hurt, right?

_This is the one chose to stay with Atobe._

"I don't mind," he eventually said. He knew that this could go one of two ways and that one of them would lead to him being hurt again. He wasn't strong enough to handle that again. However, he was going to trust that Tezuka would leave him alone. The other looked relieved as he stepped aside. Once Kunimitsu was inside, he closed the door. He was not going to press for details, knowing that the other would tell him eventually.

"Do you want tea?" he asked.

He knew that the other favored green tea when upset or stressed. It really was a question for formality instead of him needing an answer. He headed off to the kitchen without waiting for a reply. His mind was racing. Why had he agreed to let Tezuka into his apartment? Was it because he felt sorry for the other? Or was there another reason? He was confused. The water boiled and he took it off the stove. He prepared the tea in accordance to how Tezuka had taught him so many years ago. After finishing up in the kitchen, he returned to the living room to find Kunimitsu in the same spot where he had left him.

"You can sit down, you know."

The other sat on the couch, not saying anything. It was concerning him to see Tezuka act this way. He had known the other since their middle school days and never once had he seen such a lost look on Tezuka's face. He frowned. He had a feeling that he was not going to like the story that the other had to tell. He poured the tea into the cup and handed it to his former lover, who took it and didn't take a sip.

"You'll feel better if you drink the tea, Tezuka."

The other took a sip and then stared at him. It was uncomfortable to be under the stern glace once again. He felt as though the other was judging him. To distract himself from the stare, he poured his own cup of tea and drank so that he could focus on something else.

"You've really lost weight," was the comment that slipped past Tezuka's lips. He frowned. Why was everyone pointing out his health? He was handling the situation fine on his own and now that Ryoma was awake, there was even more reason for him to gain back some of the normalcy of his old life.

"I'm fine," he said in a softer voice than he meant to.

"What happened?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You usually are more adamant about your health and you have a softer look about you. Something good happened."

"Ryoma woke up," he whispered. Tezuka stared at him. He could read all of the emotions on Tezuka's face. There was sadness mixed with remorse and hurt, all of them were barely visible and lasted for only a few seconds.

"I see," Tezuka said. "How is he feeling?"

"He's tired and a little weak, but that's to be expected."

"Aa," Tezuka replied. "Did he talk about why he tried to commit suicide?"

He flinched. While he was happy that Ryoma had finally woken up, the conversation that had taken place afterward still disturbed him. It was not one that he was likely to forget soon, if ever. He lowered his face, avoiding eye contact with Tezuka.

"_Why did you try to kill yourself?"_

"_I didn't want to try," he whispered. "I wanted to succeed."_

"Yes," he said softly.

"What did he say?"

"I don't want to talk about it." He must have startled Tezuka with his words because the other stared at him. Even though he was not looking at his former lover, he could feel the piercing gaze that he sometimes felt could read everything that he was thinking. He felt vulnerable and tried to change the topic so the uncomfortable feeling would go away. He looked up so he could see the reaction to his next question. He was not one to pry, but he had to know.

"Why are you here?" he asked. "You have Atobe."

A bitter laugh rang through the apartment. He blinked in surprise at first. Tezuka was _laughing_. It wasn't the joyous ones that he was used to hearing, it was filled with sadness. His heart ached and he wanted to reach out to the other. The usually strong aura that Tezuka gave off naturally had disappeared. Something had happened and he didn't know what.

"I don't have anyone," Tezuka bit out. "He got rid of me too. I believed that everything could work out between the two of us, but I was wrong. He told me to move on with my life. I didn't have anywhere else to go."

_Now you know what it was like for the rest of us._

Even though the thought had entered his mind, he was not angry with Tezuka. Yes, he hated that Tezuka chose to stay with Atobe after everything was said and done, but now…now, he could not bring himself to hate the other. He swore that he would not get in too deep with the others. However, he could not stand the look on Kunimtisu's face. It did not contain a mask like it usually did, all of the fears, insecurities, and questions were out on display for him to read. Fuji did not know what possessed him to hug the other man, but he did.

His body was reacting on its own, but his mind was telling him that there was another reason why Tezuka came here. He ignored it. He knew what it was like to have nothing and no one to trust. Gen had tried, but he had never let himself open up again. His heart belonged to Ryoma and he would focus on the other before ever trying to make amends with the others. He didn't know how long they had sat there, with him hugging Tezuka. All that he was aware of was at every passing second, his heart grew heavier, he had a feeling that he had just made a bad choice.

The phone rang, breaking him out of his thoughts. He gently pulled away from Tezuka to get up and answer the phone. He had a feeling he knew who it was. After all, he had left a message for Gen and Yukimura. He walked over and picked up.

"Moshi moshi," he said.

"Fuji," came the sound of Gen's deep voice. Even though they had broken up, he still enjoyed the sound of it and it brought him the smallest bit of comfort. "We got your message. So Ryoma finally woke up? What did the doctor say?"

"Yes, he woke up. The doctor's said that he could leave the hospital in a few days and he should get treatment for his other issues."

"Are you going to be all right handling this on your own? You know that Yukimura and I would be more than willing to help out."

"I already told you, I have to do this. I am the one who wants him back. I know that I don't deserve his forgiveness, but I want to try and get him back. I don't care what I have to endure, but I will gladly go through hell and back for him."

"Just don't forget to take care of yourself, Syuusuke."

"I won't," he said. "I have to go now. I'll talk to you later."

He hung up the phone without waiting for a response on the other side. He turned back to Tezuka, who was busy drinking some tea. He smiled slightly, glad that the other was now in a better state than before.

--

To say he was a mess would be an understatement. He currently did not know what he was thinking or even what to feel. He had told Syuusuke that Atobe had broken up to him and of all the reactions that Fuji could have had, he had not expected a hug. He knew that the other was only trying to comfort him, having been in the situation before, but it did not help that his lingering feelings for Syuusuke were starting to creep up again. He tried to set them aside, but being the presence of Syuusuke was enough to drag up the feelings that he had set aside.

It hurt to know that Fuji only cared for Ryoma. The phone call was enough to prove that for him. He still didn't want to accept it though. He couldn't give up that easily. He would fight and if the answer was still the same, he would back off. However, he would not know until he tried to get what he wanted.

Tezuka grabbed the tea that Syuusuke had made for him. Even though it wasn't as warm as before, he needed to clear his thoughts. It was familiar and soothing to his mind. It slowed down his thought process to the point where he could think clearly again. Before he did anything, he had to find a place to live. He knew that he couldn't stay with Fuji.

"You look better," Fuji commented. He looked up and nodded.

"I'm sorry to bother you. I will find a place so I won't be a burden to you."

He saw hesitation written on Fuji's face. "You know that you can stay here until you find a place."

"Thank you," he said softly. He had not meant to say that so quietly, but he was happy that Syuusuke had even offered to let him stay. He honestly had no idea where to go after this. It was pathetic. He was a superior in a company and he had never had his own place and vaguely had an idea of how to get one. He had always assumed that they would be together for the rest of their lives. He was wrong, so very wrong.

He noticed that Fuji stood up. His eyes watched the other walk into the kitchen and take out ingredients for a meal. He felt guilty for being here. His mind tried to convince him that Fuji had offered so it was all right. If only he could honestly believe that. He stood up and walked over to help Syuusuke. He refused to let the other do all the work, especially since Fuji looked so tired himself.

"Syuusuke," he said.

"It's Fuji," Syuusuke corrected.

"Fuji," he said. The name sounded weird to him. It had been several years since he had called the other by something so formal.

"How are you?"

Fuji stopped what he was doing for a brief moment before continuing. He wondered if the tensai was caught off-guard or didn't know how to answer the question.

"I'm fine, Tezuka. I don't know why you're so worried."

"Because you haven't been yourself," he replied. The other stared at him for a moment. "I noticed in the office."

"Of course," came the reply.

"Let me help you," he said.

The other handed him a few vegetables to cut. He smiled. It reminded him of when they were still together. They often cooked food for Ryoma, Keigo, and Gen on holidays or when one of them was sick. The memories tugged at his heart. He tried to ignore the feelings. After all, he couldn't expect anything more from Syuusuke than friendship, if that.

"Tezuka," Syuusuke said, bringing him out of his thoughts.

"Yes?"

"This brings up memories, ne?"

Warmth spread through his body. So Syuusuke remembered too. "Aa," he said.

--

Atobe hung up the phone and growled. There had been another breach of security within the company and he had to fix all of the problems once again. On top of that, he heard that his parents were coming home and that meant that they were going to talk about business. He had to prepare the reports before they arrived, which would be in ten minutes. It was something that he should have foreseen, but he had been caught up in the drama of his ex-lovers and business.

He quickly typed up the last of the reports and printed them off. It was going to be a long dinner to sit through. He knew that he was going to have to explain the absence of his lovers. That was something that he was not looking forward to. While he was going to leave out most of the details, he knew that they would not be satisfied with a simple "we broke up".

He had been trying to think of a way to downplay what had happened. While he knew that his parents did not approve of his lovers, they still let them be and made an effort to include them whenever his parents were home. A knock on his door told him that it was time for him to go downstairs. He straightened his suit and grabbed the repots before leaving his room.

Upon entering the living room, he could sense fury radiating from his parents, something that he had not been expecting. He frowned.

"Keigo," his father said in a cold voice. He shivered. Was his father that upset over the breaches in security? "We heard about what happened between you and your lovers."

His eyes widened. How had they known? "I don't know what you're talking about," he quickly denied.

His mother spoke next."We heard all about it from one of the servants. Is it true that one of your lovers tried to commit suicide?" He flinched. "I see, and that you abused them?"

He looked away from them. A hand met his cheek, hitting him hard. He was startled by the sudden impact and took a few steps back before regaining his composure.

"How dare you do such a thing!" his mother shrieked.

"I did it because you didn't approve of them!" he defended.

"Liar! We may not have approved of your choices, but none of them ever deserved what you did. You did this on your own! You hurt them and tore them apart. I am ashamed that you're my son."

He was confused. They had never approved of his lovers beforehand and now they were defending them? He did not understand what his parents were thinking.

"Son," his father said. "We did not approve of them because you needed to provide an heir for the corporation. However, we never instructed you to hurt them in this manner. It was your choice. We let you live your life and you abused them for what purpose? Why did you hurt them?"

He didn't understand the question. He had just given them an explanation. He opened his mouth to reiterate what he had said previously.

"Don't you dare tell us that you were doing it because we didn't approve of them," his mother snapped.

"I don't know," he replied. It was the truth. He had always blamed it on his parents and never gave it any real thought as to why he put his lovers through such torture.

"We want you to figure it out," his father said.

"Also, we want you to fix what you've done," his mother said. "You have to make amends with them. Even if they don't take you back as their lover, you must at least be their friend again."

"Why?" he asked.

"Because if you don't, we'll disinherit you," his mother answered. "You wronged them and now you have to fix what you've done or suffer the consequences of your actions."

Keigo was stunned. He had not expected them to act like this. He had to fix his relationship with the others. How the hell was he going to accomplish that?

_To be continued…_


	15. Chapter Fifteen: Jealousy

**Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis.**

Lady Monozuki: I know I've been so horrible with updates lately. I have a couple of reasons. The first was that I was sick and really tired. The next is that I lost my job. I'm really upset about that. My job was really important to me and was going to pay for my going back to school as well as some vacations this summer. Sadly, it looks like none of it is going to happen because I don't have the money. It took me a year and a half to find that job and it was gone. I'm worried that it's going to take me another year and a half to find another. So I'm just in a meh mood.

So if you have PMed me or have reviewed and I haven't replied, you now know why. Also, it's why my updates have been nonexistent until now. I apologize and hope that this chapter makes up for it. Thanks for being patient with me and thank you for reviewing as well. You are the best! Please continue to review, it will seriously make my week as well as give me more motivation to write!

**Also, as I continue to write this, I can see the five of them getting back together. My original intent was just to have Fuji and Ryoma get back together. However, I can see them together and I wanted to leave it up to the readers as to whether the final pairing should be OT5 or Fuji/Ryoma (and whatever I decide for the others). Please vote for your preference.**

_Chapter Fifteen: Jealousy_

Fuji stared at the paperwork he was supposed to be reading through. None of it was registering in his brain. He had read the same line over fifty times and still had no idea what it was about. His mind was preoccupied with the news that he got last night. Ryoma could go home with him. After work, he was going to pick up Ryoma. However, he had to get through his workday first. He could feel Tezuka's gaze on him from the distance and it unnerved him. They had received the call last night and he could never forget the look on the usually passive face, jealousy.

While the expression had been there for a brief moment, it still scared him. He knew what Kunimitsu was going through, but he couldn't do anything to help the other. He had made a decision and he was going to stick by it. He had let the past eight years of his life be controlled by others and he wasn't going to let that happen. Fuji put down the papers and looked out from his office. His eyes caught Tezuka's for a brief moment. He knew that he had made a mistake taking the other in.

So why did he offer his place? Even he did not understand the reason nor could he come up with one. He was doing himself and Kunimitsu a disservice. However, he could not go back on his word now. It would have been easier to turn the other away at the beginning. Yet, he allowed the other to stay and let hiss guard down.

_Why were you so careless? You always do things for a reason beneficial to you. However, you have none. So why are you putting yourself in a position to get hurt again?_

"Is something wrong, Syuusuke?" he heard. He jumped slightly and turned to see Tezuka in his office. He stared for a moment before regaining his composure.

"Nothing, I was just thinking."

"I know you're distracted, but you need to focus. Yudan sezu nii ikkou."

He wanted to let out a bitter chuckle. How many times had he heard that phrase and yet he still ended up in this situation?

"I know," he said. "I'll get back to work."

He turned his attention back to the papers, trying to push everything out of his thoughts. It was difficult to do, especially with Tezuka still there and watching his every move. It made him uncomfortable to say the least.

"Is there anything else that you need, Tezuka?"

"Just curious, could I go with you to pick up Echizen?"

"It doesn't make a difference to me," he replied. It was true. Ryoma was going to find out one way or another that Tezuka was living with him. How the other would take the news, he didn't know. He had barely explained all that had happened on the night Ryoma tried to commit suicide and was content with not delving into the topic. After all, he felt that the other didn't need to concern himself with that matter until they worked through Echizen's depression first.

It was obvious that they both needed to heal before even trying to work out the remaining issues between them and the rest of their lovers. He noticed that Tezuka was staring at him again. He tried to ignore all the alarm bells going off in his mind, but they were steadily increasing in volume.

"I'll let you get back to work then," Tezuka sad.

"Meet me outside the office at three."

"Don't worry, I will."

---

He remained silent as they walked to the hospital. It reminded him so much of the old days where Fuji would walk beside him, carrying a casual conversation about anything, everything, and nothing. He missed those days, where they did not have to worry about anything but their education and sports. It was a time where they could experiment and just enjoy not having responsibilities.

"_You can't live in your childhood forever. You won't be able to handle the situations that you will face. Until you can grow up, we don't want anything to do with you. Wake up soon, Kunimitsu."_

He remembered that conversation with his parents very well. That was when he had told them about his relationship with the others. They had disowned him and refused to speak to him until he was ready for a "proper relationship". He had never told his former lovers about that conversation because he had put his faith in them. Yet, here he was. He had nothing. He had wanted to prove his parents wrong. So far, they had been right. Was he really a fool?

"Tezuka," Syuusuke said. He looked over at the person beside him. "I hope you aren't misunderstanding my reason for taking you in. I only said that you could stay because I know what it's like to have nothing. I'm not doing this for any other reason outside of that."

It hurt so much to hear those words from someone who had once been his lover. He had tried to convince himself that there were still feelings for each other there, but there wasn't. Of course he knew that when Syuusuke left, it was to take care of Ryoma. His heart still refused to accept that after being together for over eight years, there was nothing left between them.

All of the times that they had been together and the times where they just sought consolation as friends came to his mind. How could Syuusuke set aside everything that they had been through for something that might not work out in the end? Couldn't Fuji see that he was willing to take him back and start anew? Why was Fuji leaving him to suffer this alone?

"Tezuka, are you all right?"

"Yes," he replied. He could tell the other wasn't convinced by his hasty reply. He did not care though. It was better to give short and quick answers so that his true emotions would not come out. "I understand and appreciate everything you're doing for me. I should not be a burden to you any longer."

He wanted to vomit. Those words were like poison. The more he tried to convince himself that they were true, the sicker he felt. He was trying to lie to himself and it was not working. They always said that the heart ruled over the mind and he supposed he had just proven them true. So what was he supposed to do with his feelings? He could not change the way that he felt and he couldn't express them either. What was he supposed to do?

"You know that you can't lie to me, Kunimitsu."

"I know, but I can still try."

"That's what got us into this mess in the first place. We were lying to each other and ourselves. Because of that, we did not address or solve anything that needed to. We both know that we were not happy that way. Tell me what's wrong," Syuusuke said gently.

"No," he said in a harsher tone than he meant. "I don't want to complicate things for you. You are going to have enough to handle with Ryoma."

"Kunimitsu…"

"Don't try to change my mind. Besides, I thought you were insisting on calling me Tezuka."

---

Fuji bit his tongue. He wasn't going to try and argue with Tezuka. Obviously, there was something bothering his former lover. While he knew that he did not have a right to ask Tezuka about his feelings, he wanted to know what was wrong. Although, he felt like he already knew the reason. It was something that he was trying to avoid, but his decision to take Kunimitsu in did not help.

It was cruel of him, but he had made Ryoma his priority and nothing was going to get in the way of that. The fact that Tezuka had come to him and sought shelter in his apartment meant nothing. He had suffered days of elf-abuse to get to the point where he could finally take Ryoma home.

"Syuusuke, I'm sorry."

He knew that Tezuka was sorry for snapping at him. It was fine, it didn't matter. However, it still hurt a little.

"It's all right," he whispered. "You're still trying to get used to the idea of being on your own. You are stressed and I can handle that. Just please don't do anything to upset Ryoma. He doesn't need anything else on his mind while he's recovering."

"Don't you think that he'll see through our act quickly though? He's always been the one who could read us at all times."

"We have to try," he replied. "If not for him, do it as a favor for me."

They lapsed into silence again. He knew that he was asking too much of Tezuka and relying too much on him. They walked through the doors of the hospital and he headed straight for Ryoma's room. His heart started to pound loudly. He was excited to finally be able to take home Ryoma. He knew that the journey would not be easy, but they would be able to make it through together. Fuji knocked gently on the door before entering. He saw Ryoma standing near the window.

"My, you certainly have been busy," he commented. "Yesterday you couldn't stand much."

"You know that I'm not one to stay still."

"No, are you going to be able to walk home or should I call a taxi?"

"How far away is your place?

"Our place," he corrected. "It's three and a half blocks from here."

"I can make it."

"Don't push yourself."

"You didn't care about me before," Ryoma bit out.

He sighed. It was true, but it hurt all the same. He wanted to show that he did care. It seemed that this was not going to be as easy as he thought. Ryoma turned around and his eyes widened. That's when he remembered that Tezuka was with him.

"What are you doing here?" Ryoma asked.

"I'm here because I want to be here."

"In other words, Atobe dumped you too and you went to Syuusuke," Ryoma said bitterly.

Syuusuke flinched at the harsh tone Ryoma used. He wondered what was wrong with Ryoma today and he intended to confront the latter about it as soon as they were home.

"He is temporarily staying at our apartment until he can find his own place. This will not affect my taking care of you. Now, I'll go fill out your discharge papers and then we'll leave."

He left the room, hoping that they would be fine without him.

---

Ryoma stared at Tezuka for a moment before turning away. When Syuusuke had told him that he wanted to take care of him and that they would make it on their own, it was hard to accept, but he was going to try and accept it. However, doubt had started to creep in his mind and it was starting to affect his mood. Now that Tezuka was here, he already did not like what he saw. He could already tell that there was jealousy brewing and he did not want to be involved with that. He wanted someone to focus on him and take care of him. It didn't matter what he thought of himself, as long as there was someone who still believed in him.

"You're still hoping that he will choose you," he said. "Isn't that right?"

"What are you talking about? Tezuka replied.

"Don't pretend that you don't know what I'm talking about. You know that I can see through the façade you put up."

"Syuusuke said that it doesn't matter, he's going to focus on you. He's not happy at my staying there either."

"That's what you believe," he replied. He didn't want to discuss this any further. He could already see something bad happening in the future and it made him want to go home even less. He had enough of being used and didn't want it to happen again. The past few years of his life had been wasted and he was determined to start again.

"Ryoma, I have no intention of getting in between you and Syuusuke."

"Is that the lie you're trying to feed yourself?" he asked. He turned and looked his former captain, former lover, in the eye. He was angry and he wasn't going to try and suppress his emotions. He had done that and it hadn't worked. "You're not over him and you never will be. You can say that you want him to be happy, but you want him to be happy with you. It must be torture knowing that he does not intend to get back together with you and yet he is letting you stay in his place. You can tell yourself all you want that you're fine with being ignored, but you're not. Don't you dare lie to me, Tezuka. I can see through it all."

"Why are you so angry at me?"

He laughed. "I'm not just angry at you. I'm angry at everyone and myself. You don't realize what it's like to be me. If you think that you're the one who lost everything, you're wrong. I'm the one who lost everything in this relationship and I'm still on the losing end."

He noticed that Tezuka was starting to close the gap between them. He panicked, memories coming back to his mind of the encounter that he had desperately been trying to forget since it happened.

"Stay there!" he shouted. "Don't try to comfort me. None of you know what it's like to be me and what I'm going through. No one can help me."

"You know that's not true," Tezuka said in a soft tone.

He blinked back tears. "You have no idea what you're talking about. I am beyond help."

"Then you believe that Syuusuke made a mistake in saving your life?"

"No," he replied. "I've just given up on myself."

---

Tezuka was stunned at those words. He had never seen or heard Ryoma look so defeated since they visited him in the hospital in America. It was heartbreaking and yet, he could do nothing to help Ryoma. The only person who had managed to get close to Ryoma was Syuusuke. However, it seemed that Echizen was still harboring a grudge against all of them. He wondered if Fuji knew this because it would certainly complicate things in the future.

His cell rang; he pulled it out and looked at the number. He was stunned for a moment.

"It's Atobe, you should take that call."

He stared at Ryoma for a moment. How had he known?

"I can tell by the look on your face. Go ahead, I'll be fine on my own. After all, I am alone."

He wanted to tell Ryoma that he wasn't, but figured that it wouldn't do any good. He stepped out of the room and went down the hall before answered.

"Atobe," he said. "Why are you calling?"

"Kunimitsu, I know that I've done a lot of things to make you angry and everyone else angry at me. However, I need your help."

He frowned. "What do you need?"

"I need you to help me to get Ryoma and Syuusuke to my mansion and talk about what happened."

"You mean, you want to make amends?"

"Yes, with everyone. This will be after Ryoma wakes up of course."

"He's already awake," he replied.

"Oh, well then will you help me?"

"I'll arrange a date with them and let you know."

"Good, I'll contact Gen when you tell me."

Tezuka raised an eyebrow. Gen didn't know of Atobe's plan then.

"I'll do that for you, Keigo."

"You don't have to."

"I want to," he insisted.

"Fine, let me know what day you decide on."

"Of course," he said. "Atobe, I think that it would be best if you got to talk to Ryoma alone and tell him all your feelings while I talk to Syuusuke. We both have things that we need to work out with them without the presence of the other. What do you think?"

"You think that Syuusuke would separate from the brat for that long?"

"I think we could arrange it."

"Do you think Ryoma will even listen to me?" Atobe asked.

"You won't know unless you try. Besides, he needs to know that you still care for him. He thinks that he's all alone in this," he replied.

"All right, we'll set up some time alone. What about Gen?"

"Don't worry, I'll take care of Gen as well."

"I'll leave it to you then," Atobe said.

"I'll call you later."

He closed his phone and smirked. He had an idea forming in his mind.

_You're right Ryoma, I'm not over Syuusuke. Just like Atobe isn't over you._

He had every intention to use that to his advantage.

_To be continued…_


	16. Chapter Sixteen: Pain

**Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis**

Lady Monozuki: Wow, I don't even know what to say. It's been crazy. I've had to put my writing on-hold yet again and it's just been miserable. I really wish everything was consistent, but it's not. I suppose that's what makes life so interesting and challenging. I'd just rather life didn't decide to get screwed up all at once. So, I really apologize for the late chapter. I really appreciate the support and the reviews from the last chapter.

It's still not too late to put in input as to whether you prefer the OT5 to get all back together or just to have Fuji/Ryoma be together. I appreciate everyone who has given me their feedback, thank you!

_Chapter Sixteen: Pain_

Ryoma stared ahead of him, only vaguely aware of the direction they were heading. He had resigned to let Syuusuke lead him to the apartment, and it had turned out for the better. It gave him time to figure out his thoughts while on the short walk. He knew that there would be a talk. After all, Syuusuke would not let his behavior toward Tezuka go without a reason. He honestly felt as though he did not need to explain his actions nor did he want Fuji to ask any questions about Kunimitsu.

It was just another reminder that the man who had promised to take care of him was not committed to only him. Why had he put himself in this situation in the first place? What was he thinking at the time? What did he hope to get out of it? He had asked himself these questions repeatedly and still could not find an answer.

_All you are is scared that you are going to end up with nothing but wounds that will not heal._

He gripped Syuusuke's hand tighter. He really didn't know what was going to happen and it scared him. He did not want to be alone again. He had spent too much time that way and he wanted someone to believe in. Yet, he wasn't sure he Syuusuke could provide him with that. At least that is how he felt with Tezuka present. He needed reassurance and right now, he was insecure and apprehensive about everything.

Had he made a big mistake? He could already envision Syuusuke going back to Kunimitsu. Even after the promises that Fuji had made, he still did not know where he stood. He felt trapped. He had placed his faith in Syuusuke, but there were so many doubts already forming in his mind. He did not know if he could allow himself to open up again.

"Ryoma, we're home," Syuusuke said softly.

He looked up to see the inside of a modest apartment. Tezuka had already vanished, leaving him and Syuusuke in the living room. He took a few steps before pausing to look around. He noted; that several of Fuji's pictures littered the room. What surprised him was that most of them were of them and their memories together. He was a little surprised that the photos were even of him. A small smile adorned his lips. Maybe, he could bring himself to open up again.

----

Fuji watched as Ryoma took in the surroundings of the living room. He saw a small smile before it disappeared again. He felt happy already that Ryoma had shown some other emotion other than hurt or anger. It gave him hope that this could potentially work out. He smiled. This was a moment where all the emotional torment that he had put himself through did not matter. If only he could have more moments like these with Ryoma.

"Are you hungry or thirsty?" he asked.

"No," Ryoma replied.

"Are you tired then? Because I can show you where you're going to sleep," he offered.

"I'm fine."

"Then can we talk?"

He noticed a little hesitancy in Ryoma's nod. He sat down across from Ryoma sat in the living room. He could sense that Ryoma was uncomfortable for some reason. He did not understand why, but brushed it aside.

"I just wanted to make sure that you were okay with Tezuka being here," he started. "I know that you don't like any of us right now. However, I just want to know that it's truly okay with you that he's here."

"How long is he going to stay?" Ryoma asked stiffly.

"Until he can find his own place," he replied. "He came here because he didn't know where else to go."

"Do what you want, it's your place."

"Our place," he corrected once again. "Why are you so opposed to Tezuka staying here?"

"You can't be so blind that you can't see his true motives."

"He's not going to get in the way between us, Ryoma. No one is going to do that."

He frowned. What was Ryoma so worried about? Had he not promised to take care of him? Had he not promised to be there for him no matter the circumstances? Why was that not enough?

_This is what you chose. If you cannot be patient with him, then how can you hope to be someone that he can rely on?_

He was asking too much of Ryoma again. He was hoping that everything would fall into place. However, it was not ever going to be the case. Why did he constantly set high expectations? He was only setting himself up to be disappointed. Yet, he still believed that Ryoma could overcome everything and exceed his expectations once again.

"You and Kunimitsu believe the same lie," Ryoma whispered.

He stared at Ryoma, not believing the words he had heard.

----

Anger was the only emotion that he could feel right now. He couldn't believe that Fuji was telling him the same lie that Tezuka had tried to feed him. It hurt. He tried to calm himself down, but it was pointless. So far, he felt that his time here had been in vain. Yet, he really did not have anywhere else to go.

"What do you mean that Tezuka and I believe the same lie?" Syuusuke asked.

He could sense that Syuusuke really had no clue what he was talking about. It was confusing. When had Fuji become so blind to others' emotions and could Syuusuke really be able to notice his if needed?

"Never mind, I'm sure you'll find out soon enough."

He stood. He did not want this conversation to continue. Every time they talked, everything only seemed to get worse and he did not want to feel that way, he wanted everything to be better. Of course he knew that it would take time, but how much time was required? He wasn't sure. Healing was not something he was used to doing. His feelings had never mattered before and so he was used to pushing them under the rug.

"Ryoma," Syuusuke whispered. "I think you're reading too much into the situation. Tezuka has nothing to do with us. Everything is about you and will always be about you."

"Why the sudden change of heart? You didn't want to make me your anything until I tried to kill myself! Why did it take my attempt to die to wake you up? Why did you wait so long before you tried to make up for the hurt you have caused? You never truly cared about me until this happened. If you want to help me, you should figure out where it is you stand and stay there. Don't let things distract you from your goal. That is what you used to be like. You never let anything get in your way. So why now?"

He had tried to keep his voice steady, but had failed. He had tried to understand why, _now_. Why didn't they care before? And why did they care now? It did not make sense and it hurt not to know.

"You know that I have always cared about you."

"Then why did you never show it?"

"Ryoma, you know that we were not in a situation where we could do much without suffering in some way. I wanted to show you that I cared, but I didn't want either of us to get hurt more."

"You never cared about it before. Why were you so afraid of Atobe? I never once let him stop me from caring about you!"

"What about when you spent most of your time in the servant's quarter?" Fuji countered.

Ryoma gritted his teeth. "You made it clear at that point that you wanted nothing to do with me. Even when you visited me, you only did so for a short amount of time and made promises that you broke! If you had still showed that you cared for me, I would have made more of an effort."

----

Fuji stared at his former lover. Everything he said hurt to hear. Yes, he knew there was loathing and distrust. However, he never expected this. He had always thought that his visits and promises would make up for his staying with the others, but he had been wrong.

"Why did you want to kill yourself?" Fuji asked.

"Because everyone I cared about had given up on me. You don't realize how much I sacrificed to stay here with you," Ryoma said quietly.

"Then how much did you sacrifice?"

"You should know, Syuusuke. You should know everything that I have done just to be with you. How could you forget everything so easily?"

He had no response. He tried to remember what Ryoma was talking about, but could not. It was troubling. How come all he could remember were the times when they suffered the most?

"You've been blinded," Ryoma commented. "You really can only think of the things that went wrong, not the sacrifices that were made to make it happen in the first place. Even if our happiness was brief, we still made sacrifices that should never be forgotten, no matter how much we've been hurt."

"Ryoma, why do I feel like I need help more than you?" he asked.

----

Ryoma scoffed. "I have more issues than you know," he whispered quietly.

Fuji stood from his spot and headed over to him. He felt arms wrap themselves around him and hold on tighter than he liked. It reminded him of when they had first started dating. They were so afraid to let go of each other because they did not know what the new day would bring. Even now, they still didn't know, but he knew that they were going to try. He pulled away from the hug.

"I'm tired," he lied.

"Follow me then."

He let Syuusuke lead him into a room. It was small, but not confining. He walked over to the futon and laid down, closing his eyes.

"I'll wake you when dinner's done," Fuji said. With that, he heard the door close. He tried not to cry. Why was it so hard to be in their presence again? He loved them; he knew that. However, it hurt so much just to be in their presence. They had played a part in destroying the person he once was and yet, he was willing to set himself up again.

He tried to push the conversation from earlier out of his mind, but he couldn't help but think that he was trying to justify his actions by their lack of actions. He sighed. Everything had fallen apart so quickly and the damage would take a while to heal, if at all. He wanted to believe that with time, the wounds would heal. However, he knew that they would never fully go away. There was still so much time to live in regret and misery because of what had happened. The only question was if he could make it out.

One part of him wanted to try so hard and yet another had given up on anything when it came to trying again. He wanted the pain to end, but it would not. His heart was continually broken apart and shattered. It was more than he could bear alone, but he did not want anyone to help him. He stood up and searched through the belongings in the room.

He finally came across an empty picture frame. He picked it up and pulled it under the blankets to muffle the sound of breaking glass. He punched it three times before a large enough piece broke off. He took the glass and cut into the flesh on his left arm. It tore easily, covering his skin with blood. If he hurt physically, then maybe…maybe he could ignore his emotional wounds.

He stared at the damage done to his arm and instantly hated himself for hurting his body again. Why did he always hurt himself more? Cutting his arms was his way of making his heart hurt less, but it only made it worse. He buried his face in the pillow and screamed. Why did he always end up this way? Why did nothing ease the pain in his heart?

----

Fuji felt the heaviness of his heart grow when he heard the muffled scream from Ryoma's bedroom. He opened the door slightly and saw Ryoma's figure shaking uncontrollably.

"Ryoma," he called out.

"Go away!"

He took the hint and closed the door. As he turned around, he came face to face with Tezuka. He didn't say anything, they didn't need words. Tezuka was concerned for Ryoma, just like he was. He made motion for them to move to the kitchen. It was silent in the house, except for the muffled cries from the bedroom. Every time he heard one of them, he wanted to go comfort Ryoma, but the other did not want the same. He put on the kettle for tea.

"Sy-Fuji, what are you going to do about Ryoma?" Tezuka asked in a quiet voice.

"As much as I don't want to admit this, but he's going to need more help than I can give him. I've already done some research into therapists, but I'm afraid that might not be enough for him."

"You were talking with him earlier," Tezuka began. He could hear the hesitancy to bring up something. "I think you approached him the wrong way."

He frowned. "What do you mean?"

"It sounded more of justifications for your actions rather than trying to fix the problem. I know you don't want to hear that from me, but Ryoma's hurting more than any of us right now. Even though we've all suffered, he's the one who had more to deal with. After all, we are the ones who exiled him when we returned from America. We did not stop Atobe. We went along with his will."

Fuji remained silent. It was a harsh reality to accept, but it was true. He had just gone along with everything instead of trying to stop it. Yes, he visited Ryoma, but that was not a justification for his actions. It didn't even come close. In addition, he did not have to go through what Ryoma did. There was no excuse for what they did.

"He told me that I needed to figure out what side I was on. How can I make him understand that I am on his?"

"By doing everything you can for him, despite what others want you to do. You remember how we used to aim to become number one in tennis, right? You need to make him number one in your life."

The kettle whistled in the background and he busied himself by making tea. Every time he had talks these days, they seemed only to make him realize how horrible of a lover he was. He had believed that everything could eventually be fixed, but now…now he wasn't so sure.

----

Gen hesitated to knock on the door. He turned to look at Yukimura, who nodded. He finally gave in and rapped three times on the piece of wood. For some reason, he felt inclined to go visit Fuji and see how he was. After all, they hadn't talked much and he was concerned for the other's health. Their abrupt phone call the other day had piqued his interest. Yukimura had finally talked him into visiting. There was silence before the door opened to reveal Tezuka.

"Gen," Tezuka said roughly. He was taken aback at the harsh tone, but didn't let that faze him.

"What are you doing here?" Gen asked. He wanted to smack himself for asking such a stupid question. Just because they were separated did not mean that they were forbidden from talking to each other. However, he was surprised to see Tezuka there considering the other had chosen to stay with Atobe.

"Atobe and I are no longer together. Why are you here?"

"I came to see Syuusuke," he replied. "Yukimura and I wanted to check up on him."

The door slowly opened to let them inside. Honestly, he thought that Tezuka was going to refuse them. He heard the sounds of someone in the kitchen and stifled sobs from somewhere in the apartment. He didn't say anything though. He tossed a glance at Yukimura and knew that he had heard the quiet crying as well. Fuji came out of the kitchen. He frowned when he saw how awful Syuusuke looked. Even though there was relief on the features, there was also worry.

"Gen, Yukimura," Fuji said. "How is everything on your end?"

"We're fine. We wanted to check up on you and see how everything was going," he replied.

"I'm managing."

"Are you getting enough rest?" Yukimura asked. "You look exhausted. Maybe we should leave."

Fuji held up a hand to stop Yukimura from continuing. "You guys are fine. I've had a rough day so I'm more drained than usual. I'll prepare us some tea."

Gen sighed. This was going to be nothing short of awkward. It was in this moment that he was grateful that Yukimura had insisted he come along.

"So Tezuka, how are you these days? How is work for you going?" Yukimura asked.

"I'm doing fine and work is fine. We've actually picked up a lot of business lately so we're going to make up for what we loss in the previous two quarters."

"Good to hear," Yukimura said. "So, how long have you been living with Fuji?"

"A couple of days," Tezuka replied.

_So that means the break-up happened recently. I wonder what made Atobe do that. I'll figure it out eventually._

Gen heard a whimpers coming from one of the back rooms. He frowned. Something was going on that the others had failed to mention.

"Tezuka, where's the restroom?"

"Down the hall, on your left," was the only reply.

Gen went down the hall, aware that there were three sets of eyes following him. He tried to discern where the cries were coming from. To his surprise, they were coming from the bathroom. He stepped inside and saw Ryoma holding a razor blade to his right arm and slicing repeatedly. Ryoma paused briefly and let out a stiffled sob. He could see that his former lover wasn't crying from the wounds, but from the pain inside.

"Ryoma," he whispered. The golden-eyed man turned to see him.

"Gen," the other said in shock.

----

Ryoma stared at the usually stoic man before him. Concern laced the face of Sanada. He could feel the eyes staring at the fresh wounds on his arm. However, they never lingered. He expected to be reprimanded, but it never came. Instead, strong arms pulled him in for a hug. One hand made its way down to the blade in his hand, trying to take it away from him. He held on tighter. He did not want to let go.

"Why, Ryoma? Why are you hurting yourself again?" Gen whispered.

"I just want to the hurt to go away, Gen. This is the only way I know how to ease the pain of my heart."

_To be continued…_


	17. Chapter Seventeen: Promises

**Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis.**

Lady Monozuki: Thank you very much to everyone who reviewed/read the last chapter! I appreciate it so much. I hope you enjoy this chapter just as much.

_Chapter dedicated to: Yuujirou_

_Chapter Seventeen: Promises_

Ryoma's mind temporarily went blank as he breathed in the familiar scent of his former lover. How many nights had yearned to be in the arms of his lovers one more time? Yet so many times, they had denied him that pleasure. Worse still was that he couldn't separate the memories. The warmth that had been missing in his life was present again, even if only for a brief moment. It was not here to stay; he knew that. He buried his head in Gen's shoulder. It didn't matter if this only lasted for a few seconds, he would take any amount of time just to feel complete once again.

"Ryoma," Gen whispered.

"Please don't," he said quickly. He wanted nothing to ruin this moment. "Please let me stay like this for a while."

He felt Gen shift slightly and remove the blade from his hand. This time, he did not protest and willingly let it go. For the first time in several years, everything felt right. There was peace within him for the first time in over a year. He felt safe once again. Fingers ran through his hair, bringing back so many memories. Ryoma sighed. No matter how much he wanted this to be permanent; he had still had to face the reality of their situation. Ryoma pulled away from Gen's warm embrace. He stared at the taller man, noting how much thinner the other looked.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. He knew that this was mostly because of him. Ryoma touched Gen's arm gently. "Is this because of me?"

"Not just you," Gen replied. "Don't worry about me and my health. I just want you to concentrate on getting better."

"There's no saving me."

"You know that is not true. I still believe that you can make it through this."

"Stop talking to me like you know everything that I've gone through!"Ryoma said. He hesitated slightly before speaking his next sentence though.

"Ryoma," Gen started.

"You think that there is hope for me, there isn't. I am tired of this life. I want to die."

"We haven't given up on you. Why won't you give us another chance?"

"I can't. I don't want to suffer anymore than I already have."

"Why are you giving Syuusuke another chance and not me?"

"I'm not giving him another chance," Ryoma replied. He covered his left wrist. "I'm done with giving people second chances."

"Then why did you hold on to me so tightly earlier? Why didn't you kill yourself the moment that you woke up? Why did you let Syuusuke bring you home? You could have left Japan, left all of us, and yet you're still here. Why are you still here if you don't want us in your life?"

Ryoma tried to keep himself from shaking. He wanted to know the answer to those questions himself. Why couldn't he let go of them? Nothing was there to hold him back now.

"You should leave," he muttered. "The others will start to get concerned."

"What about your arm?" Gen asked.

"I'll take care of it," he replied.

He watched Gen hesitate. He knew that this was not what the other wanted to hear. While he wanted to give an answer, he couldn't. Gen grabbed his arm and started to bandage his arm. He didn't pull away because he secretly wanted this. Why couldn't he just know what he wanted? He thought that he had made his decision.

"Why are you still here?" he asked. "Why are you trying so hard to get back into our lives?"

"Because I need you guys in my life," Gen replied. "Despite everything that has happened, I know that I can bury the past and move on. I want everyone else to be with me in the end."

"What will you do if we don't take you back?"

"I wish that I could give you an answer, but I can't. I believe that in the end, we will be together in the end," Gen said.

"I wish I could believe the same thing," he mumbled. After a few minutes, Gen finished bandaging his arm.

"Do you need help cleaning the bathroom?"

"No," he said. "You can go ahead and leave." Gen headed for the door. "Gen, please don't tell anyone."

Yukimura observed the interaction between Tezuka and Syuusuke. He was concerned. It was painfully obvious that Tezuka wanted to get back together with Fuji. However, Fuji seemed oblivious to that fact. He wondered if it was just true ignorance or if Fuji was purposely ignoring the signs. He had known them for years and Syuusuke was usually the one who controlled the situations. Had things really changed that much between them? Where had the real Fuji Syuusuke gone?

He took a sip of his tea. He had known things went sour between them, but didn't know the full situation. Now, he truly wanted to know what had transpired. Even in the time that both Gen and Syuusuke had lived with him, he had never heard them talk about what happened that day. Yukimura desperately wanted to ask questions to see if he could gain answers to what he didn't know. However, he could tell that it would be a bad idea.

Tezuka returned to the living room to talk with him. He didn't say anything at first to let the other start the conversation, curious to know what was going to be brought up. He sipped on his tea calmly and watched several emotions play on the usually stoic person's face.

"Why did you come, Yukimura?" Tezuka asked in a cold voice. One thing that he was not expecting was the hostility from his former rival.

"I merely came to support Gen," he replied.

"I find it hard to believe that's everything you came here for."

"I understand your concern about my motives, but Gen wouldn't have come to visit if I hadn't gone with him. Now, why are you acting so cold toward me? I did nothing to you except visit. Hardly a reason to treat me so rudely," Yukimura replied.

"All I want is for you to not meddle with the situation. This doesn't concern you."

Yukimura knew what Tezuka really meant, but didn't dare to let show. He smirked. He noticed that Tezuka was uneasy.

"I will stay out of your affairs," he said. "However, if it hurts Gen again, I will get involved. You guys don't understand how much he is hurting. Even people as strong as him can be broken."

"I know," Tezuka replied. Yukimura wondered if the other had meant to put so much emotion in his voice, but made no comment. "You don't know how much I can relate."

Something had gone very wrong in that relationship. All of their personalities had changed a little bit. He had _never_ expected them to be so different in personality.

Gen had hoped Ryoma wouldn't ask him to keep that a secret. However, now that the question was out there, he had to answer. He knew that he wouldn't be able to go against the request of his former lover. Mentally, he cursed himself for not being able to say no. The situation was all too familiar. How many times had he regretted making such a promise? He nodded before leaving the bathroom. Regret filled his heart, but he knew that it was not his place to tell everyone about Ryoma. All it would do was destroy the trust that his former lover had placed in him. Right now, he wanted more than anything to be trusted.

Even if it killed him, he would keep the secret. Gen entered the living room and could instantly tell that something was wrong. He looked over at Yukimura, who looked contemplative and Tezuka was unmoving, but emitting a dangerous aura.

"Ah Gen, how nice of you to join us again," Yukimura said cheerily. He could tell that Yukimura was faking his smile. He had to wonder what had gone on while he was gone. He shuddered.

"Sorry, for taking my time."

He took his seat next to Yukimura and noticed that Tezuka was staring at him intensely. It was rather disturbing. However, he wasn't going to let that get to him. From what he had seen, everyone was barely holding on. Even though he was hardly better himself, he was more concerned about their state. Their relationship may have ended, but that did not mean that they couldn't be concerned about each other no matter what transpired since then. Gen reached for the cup of tea on the table in front of him and took a sip.

"Sanada," Tezuka spoke after a lengthy pause. He looked at the man that had broken his heart. It was harder to confront each other, even though they hadn't spoken or seen each other in months. Their feelings hadn't been resolved and all he could think about was the heartbreak of knowing that this was the man who was willing to stand by Atobe. Even if he still cared deeply for all his former lovers, he couldn't imagine standing by the whole single-handedly ruined their relationship.

Gen obviously wanted things to get better before he even thought about getting back together with Atobe. He wouldn't stand for the abuse any longer. Even if it had taken him years to come to this point, he wasn't going back. All of them deserved better.

"Sanada," Tezuka repeated.

"Yes?" he asked.

"I would like to speak to you, in private if that is all right."

"Fine," he agreed. He caught the questioning glare that Yukimura sent him, but ignored it. He could handle himself. He didn't need Yukimura to be with him all of the time. This was his problem and he was going to take care of it.

Tezuka led him outside of the apartment, which he found odd. Obviously, Tezuka didn't want Syuusuke or Ryoma to know what was going on, which raised red flags in his mind. What if this was another plot to hurt him again? Sanada felt sick for thinking that. Why was that his first reaction now? He wanted them all to fix their relationship, but here he was, questioning everything that the others were trying to do. Perhaps he was guarding himself too much.

"What do you want to talk to me about, Tezuka?" he asked coolly.

"Atobe called me," Tezuka started. "He wants for us to meet him this weekend at his mansion. He's sorry about what he did to all of us and wants to try and work something out between us."

"Has he figured out why we won't forgive him?" Sanada asked.

"He didn't make mention of it. You can't hold that against him though. He is a busy man. He's got more on his mind most of us."

"I don't care, Tezuka! I don't care if he's running the company. That doesn't give him the right to treat us that way or lie to us."

"Why can't you just tell him what the problem is, Gen?" Tezuka asked.

"Because he needs to figure it out for himself," he replied. "If I tell him, it won't mean the same thing. It has to come from his own realizations."

"Are you refusing to meet with him, then?"

"Until I'm convinced he's figured it out, yes. I don't want to go through another pointless discussion. If we do that, then we'll only be left with more bitter feelings and I'm still trying not to be angry about our last meeting."

Gen didn't say anything else to Tezuka. He walked about inside and motioned to Yukimura that he wanted to leave. He had found out all that he needed.

Syuusuke exchanged farewells with Gen and Yukimura. He wondered why they decided to leave now. They hadn't stayed long and Gen seemed to be angry for some reason. He couldn't figure out what had happened, but he knew where to start finding information.

"What did you say to them, Tezuka?" he asked as soon as they had closed the door.

"Nothing," Tezuka replied.

Syuusuke glared at him. "Don't lie to me."

"All I did was extend an invitation to meet at Atobe's this weekend so we can further discuss what happened," Tezuka said.

He frowned. He hadn't heard any news about this. Why would Atobe want to meet with them in the first place? It was made clear that the other wanted very little to do with them. After all, Tezuka was here, and not living with Keigo.

"When were you going to tell me about this invitation?"

"At dinner so we could talk it over with Ryoma as well."

"Fine, we'll discuss it at dinner."

"Discuss what?" Ryoma asked in a cold tone.

He flinched at the cold voice. Syuusuke turned to look at Ryoma, who seemed paler than before. He vaguely wondered how much of the time in the room was spent sleeping.

"Ryoma, are you all right?"

"I'll be fine, Fuji. Don't worry about me. Are you going to answer my question or keep me in the dark?"

He shifted slightly.

Ryoma tried to keep his anger in check. He had overheard the last portion of the conversation where Tezuka had said "we'll discuss it over dinner", and then listened to Syuusuke's response. He was angry that Syuusuke had done nothing to correct Tezuka in saying "we". It just showed how much they were trying to cover up their true feelings. Not that he didn't already know, it hurt. Fuji didn't really care about him. It was all a lie just to get him to warm up once again. He wasn't going to let them back into his heart.

"We were going to discuss the invitation to meet with Atobe with us," Tezuka answered.

He tossed a harsh glare in the direction of Syuusuke, who flinched, before turning his attention toward Tezuka. Every word that the other said hurt more and more since Syuusuke couldn't tell him directly. Since when did Syuusuke have to rely on Tezuka to speak?

"Why does he want to meet?"

"To take care of the unresolved, there is a lot that we still haven't covered and haven't fixed," Tezuka answered.

"What are you talking about?"

"You mean Syuusuke didn't tell you about the conversation we had after...after you entered the hospital?"

"What time did he have to tell me?" Ryoma snapped. "I've only been awake for a couple of days. He mentioned that you all broke up, but certainly not of that conversation."

"Ryoma, calm down. All we're trying to do is put this aside and move on. We can't do that when we're all bitter toward each other," Syuusuke said. "We're going to have to try and fix everything between us to the point where we can at least be civil toward each other."

"After all these years, _now_ is the time you choose to fix it?" Ryoma snapped. "Why did everything have to come about because I tried to kill myself? Why couldn't you have cared enough about us before that point?"

He tried to keep himself from shaking. Why did it have to come to this point before they realized they were wrong? Why was he the one who had to endure exile and depression before they even attempted to fix their problems? It wasn't fair, not to him. How long did he have to suffer before he could find happiness? Why did everything happen to him? Would things have been different if he hadn't gone to America? If he hadn't tried to kill himself? Would it have made any difference?

"Ryoma," Syuusuke whispered. "I'm sorry. I should've done more for you."

"It doesn't matter anymore," he said quietly. "You made your choice then."

"I've also made my choice now," Syuusuke said.

"Have you?" Ryoma questioned.

"Stop questioning my motives!" Syuusuke replied. "If you can't believe me, then why are you here? Why did you agree to stay with me?"

He stared at Syuusuke in shock. He had expected Fuji to get so angry over his simple question. He could feel Syuusuke waiting for the answers. What was he supposed to say? Was he supposed to lie about his feelings? His doubts and insecurities?

_I want to believe you. I just can't. I don't want to get hurt again._

"You don't understand," he replied.

"Neither do you," Syuusuke retorted.

He stood up from his spot and walked away. He didn't need to hear that right now. He knew that he was being selfish in trying to make this about him. However, when was it going to be about what _him_ otherwise? Ryoma headed back toward the bedroom and closed the door. When would this come to an end?

Syuusuke sighed. This was not how he had expected things to turn out. He had wanted to be the supportive one to help Ryoma through this. However, every time Ryoma tried to express his thoughts, it ended like this. Why couldn't he just listen instead of feeling the need to defend himself against every word? He knew why; because it _hurt_. Every time Ryoma doubted him, it broke his heart. He could understand why Ryoma felt that way. They were the ones who made promises and then broke them. They were the ones who had left him, when he needed them most. So why was it so hard to accept the truth?

_Because you let other things get in your way. You promised Ryoma that you would protect him, get him out of that place, and start a new life together. Everything happened too late for him to forgive you. You let yourself be controlled by everyone else._

It was unlike him to give up. Everyone who knew him, knew him as the one who used others and didn't let anyone control him. Now, he resembled nothing of his former self. Everything had changed. He knew that he wasn't expected to stay the same forever, but he was too passive. If he had never let Atobe get in his way, everything would have been different. It was his fault that everything escalated to this point. Now, he had to do something to fix it.

"Stop blaming yourself for everything that happened, Syuusuke."

"You can't tell me that when you're having a hard enough time letting you, Tezuka."

"Atobe wants to hear from us as soon as possible."

"What did Gen say when you asked him?"

"He said he would think about it," Tezuka replied.

"I'll go talk to Ryoma."

Tezuka watched as Syuusuke walked out of the room. He hoped that they would forgive him for lying about Gen coming. He knew that they wouldn't consider the option, unless all of them were present. He would come up with an excuse later as to why Gen couldn't come. Right now, he just wanted to get them to the mansion so he could put his plan into effect.

He just hoped they wouldn't suspect anything until then.

_To be continued…_


	18. Chapter Eighteen: Perspectives

**Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis.**

Lady Monozuki: So a few days ago, I came to the conclusion that this story has grown so much from the original plot. There are far too many elements that need to be addressed and the title won't fit after a certain point. So I've decided that I will break the story off into three pieces. The first piece, this one, will conclude in a few chapters. The next section will start shortly after. **The second arc will have Syuusuke and Ryoma get back together.** However, if you're a Thrill lover, then you will not want to read the last arc. The last arc will put the OT5 back together. So once again, if you're content with Thrill getting back together, please stop reading after the second arc.

Some reviewers have expressed concern about the rape/abuse factor. This fic will never, ever glorify rape or abuse. Each of these are serious issues and will never mean little or nothing. It affects people's lives and changes them. Not only does the person who experiences it change, but the people around them too. Everything takes time to heal. Ryoma or any other character in this fic who experience such things will **not** forgive people easily (if at all). There are so many obstacles that need to be overcome first. I hope this puts to rest any concerns. If you have concerns or questions, please leave them in a review or PM me.

Please read and enjoy this chapter! Thank you everyone!

_Chapter Eighteen: Perspectives_

Rain pounded against the window that had once been his only light source. The moon, now veiled by the thundering clouds, had provided the only comfort he had on this night. All he could think about was the torrent weather and how it reflected his life. The droplets of water that furiously crashed against the earth was like him trying to keep his life together. There was no chance that anything exposed to the rain could be dry and so it was his futile struggle as well. Nothing he ever did to help himself lasted for long. The only difference between him and the weather was that the storm outside would eventually pass, while he was stuck trying to survive just one more day.

It seemed unfair that he should have to struggle so much and gain so little. Yet, that's all the reward he ever expected to gain. Why was he so foolish to hope in something that had obviously given him little more than false dreams? Was this to be his entire life? While he could handle the pain, it was too much for even him to endure when it all was for naught. There was no point to his continuous struggling. There was no reason for him to fight. Yet, here he was. It would take one stroke of a blade to cut into his flesh and mark himself for death. One simple cut was all he needed, but it was the one that he could not make.

No matter how many times he tried, he could not bring himself to do so. He knew it would be the perfect revenge on his part. They would have all believed that he was giving them another chance, but only to snatch that away with the destruction of his own life. The one question that continued to ring in his mind was one that he had tried to answer and failed.

_Why can you not cut yourself now when you did so a few weeks ago? It had been easy then to let the blade sink into your arm, but now it is not. Nothing has changed. You are still hurting; you still have the same wish as before. You still have no reason to hope that your life will get better._

It tormented him that he could no longer hold his resolve. Everything that had happened earlier had thrown him into an emotional mess. He toyed with the blade in his hand and thought about marring his pale skin again. He could create a set of wounds to match the ones on his other arm. Tonight, however, he did not want to. Even though he was distraught, he did not want to cause himself any more pain. Everyone else had already wounded him more than he could ever do with a blade. He curled up in the blankets and closed his eyes. Just for tonight, he would not harm his body. Just for tonight, he would let himself pretend that everything was starting to turn around and his life would turn for the better.

It did not matter if the opposite was true. This was the one night that he was going to let himself believe in something just so he could feel like it wasn't the end.

Fuji had watched as Ryoma fiddled with a blade. It took him several minutes to debate whether or not he would stop his former lover from inducing self-harm. When he saw Ryoma put down the blade and burying himself in the covers, he breathed a sigh of relief. While he knew that this was nothing to be excited over, it was a small gleam of hope.

_You saw him and did nothing to stop him, again._

Still, it was hard to that in spite of everything that had happened and despite his hospitalization; it was not enough to stop Echizen from hurting himself. It was obvious that not everything was going to get better without the help of someone who knew how to handle the situation.

However, he did not want to bring Ryoma to a therapist right away. There were still so many things that needed to be addressed first. For instance, they needed to sort out this business with Atobe so they could move on. In addition, there was the small matter of everyone's concern about him and Tezuka. Honestly, he did not understand why they were all worried, especially since he and Tezuka understood that there was no chance of them getting back together. So why did Ryoma seem so angry at him for merely interacting with Tezuka? It did not seem like his character.

He closed the door to Ryoma's room without making a sound and walked away. Tomorrow, he'd have to talk to Ryoma about his cutting. It was hard enough to know that there was little he could do and witnessing the blade in his hands hurt even more. Syuusuke walked back into the living room. He sat on the couch and tried to think of everything that needed to be done. Emotionally, he could not prepare for anything. He was vulnerable, weak, and tired. The past couple of days had sapped him of anything that he had left.

He was not in a position where he could be of help to anyone, let alone to himself. He needed to regain some of that strength so that he could lend it to others when they needed it. Soft footsteps came from behind him and he turned around to see Tezuka staring at him.

"You seem burdened with your thoughts," Tezuka stated casually.

"I am," he replied. He had no intention of entering into a conversation about what was on his mind.

"Do you need someone to talk to?"

"No, you have enough problems of your own to handle. Besides, I made this my problem the day I made him my priority. You abandoned him so he no longer concerns you."

"If he no longer concerned me, then why am I still here?" Tezuka asked. "He could have told me to leave, but he didn't. Moreover, there is still a lot that we need to sort out still. I am not going to walk out of his life, or your life, unless you tell me that you don't want anything to do with me."

He didn't say anything. This was exactly why he did not want to engage in a conversation, yet that is exactly what he had done. He sighed. The emotional drain of the past couple of days had caught up to him and he really needed time to rest and think everything through.

"Did you talk to Ryoma?" Tezuka asked quietly.

"No. I couldn't bring myself to talk to him about the issue right now. I don't want to force him into something when he's in this state. I still think it's too soon," he answered. Another sigh followed that statement.

"That's for him to decide, isn't it?"

"Of course, he's allowed to do what he wants. However, I just don't think it will be good for him when he's in an emotionally distraught state."

"What about you, Syuusuke? Aren't you also in a strained state?"

"I don't matter. Right now, I just want to give him the help that he needs."

He honestly believed that everything he was going through was nothing in comparison to what Ryoma was feeling at the time. His feelings were irrelevant at this time. Yes, he was emotionally strained right now. However, that wasn't something that would hinder him.

"Just don't forget to take care of yourself. You're just as important as him."

"I promised to take care of him. If I can't do that, then I have failed him again. I can't fail him, not when he has suffered so much. I don't want to see him in so much pain."

"No one wants to see him in that much pain, but it's not something that you can handle alone. You've never had do this alone. I know you may not want my help, but I'm always here for you if you need me."

"I appreciate the offer Tezuka, but this is my problem," Syuusuke replied. "I will figure everything out by myself. I know that it's a lot for me to burden, but I can handle it. Now, please leave me alone."

He heard Tezuka leave the room. Syuusuke laid down on the couch and closed his eyes. Everything he had imagined was rapidly vanishing. How did everything get out of control?

Tezuka knocked on Ryoma's door. He was careful not to alert Syuusuke with what he was about to do. He didn't want anyone to interfere. Nothing was going to get in his way, even if he had to hurt the others around him. He heard movement on the other side. He waited patiently. The door cracked open and he came face to face with Ryoma.

"What do you want, Tezuka?" Ryoma asked in an irritated voice.

"May I come in? I want to speak to you."

Ryoma sighed before opening the door and letting him in. He stepped inside and looked around. The room looked as though it was barely inhabited, even though there was someone occupying it. Tezuka waited until the door closed behind him before speaking.

"I'd like to know how you stand on visiting Atobe," Tezuka said. He turned to face the younger man. A flash of anger showed on Ryoma's face before emptiness.

"I have no idea. Why? Are you going to try and convince me to go?"

"You don't understand. I _need_ this to happen so I can just connect with people one more time. Everything fell apart so quickly and I need it all to be settled. I know I'm asking a lot from you. I know that it's selfish. However, you're the only one Syuusuke will listen to and can keep him in control. Besides, I think you need an explanation for everything we've done. We hurt you and abandoned you. You need to know why we did so."

"So that's all you want me there for? Do you even care about what I think or why I even chose to cut myself? Do you even know how long I've been hurting myself? Or is this still only about you trying to win Syuusuke back?" Ryoma asked.

"Getting together is not just about me. It will help all of us to heal and move on. Telling your side of the story will also help. It will help us realize the mistakes we made. You never said a word to us about how much you were hurting or even about the problems that were obviously consuming you."

"Should I have to? Should I always have to be the one to tell you when I'm suffering or should you just know? Did you even know me well enough to see the pain I went through? Or did you ignore it like Syuusuke?"

He remained silent. He knew that Ryoma was angry about everything that had happened, but he had not expected this kind of reaction. It was hard to figure out what to do from here. His idea of how the conversation would go did not align what was happening now. The idea of making a simple request and expecting the positive response had long-since left his mind. What was he supposed to do in this situation? He couldn't answer the questions very well. There had been so many thoughts running through his mind back then, that he didn't even know if he bothered to take a second glance at Ryoma.

"Even if I did go," Ryoma continued. The voice was a little softer than before. "Would I even be heard? Would you be willing to listen to what I have to say? It didn't matter what I wanted back then, so why does it matter now?"

"Because, we made a mistake then," he replied softly. "It took a lot for us to finally realize that we were fighting a lost battle. We don't want you to hate us. We don't want you to hold back on us either. We realize we were wrong. I just want you to give us a chance to prove that we're not the same. You'll never know unless you give us another chance."

"I don't want to get hurt again," Ryoma said.

"None of us do, but we'll still be hurting if we never confront each other and try to make things better between us."

"I'll think about it."

_To be continued…_


	19. Chapter Nineteen: Bait

**Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis.**

**Lady Monozuki:** Oh my word, it has been a really long time since I've updated. I agonized over this chapter for a long time, changing, fixing, and rewriting most of it because I didn't feel like it was up to snuff to the others I had written. I am finally happy with it. I hope you enjoy it. Thank you to everyone who have supported this story. The first third of the story is almost to an end. Just another chapter or two before I start the next one. Please read and enjoy!

_Chapter Nineteen: Bait_

Ryoma refused to come out of his room that morning. He knew that Tezuka would want an answer, one that he wasn't ready to give. He closed his eyes. Throughout the night, he had weighed the pros and cons to meeting with the others. On the one hand, he knew that this was just another change for Atobe to hurt him. On the other, he knew that it was going to have to happen. Whether the meeting occurred two days from now or two years from now, Ryoma did not know if time was going to heal all of the wounds that they carried from their relationship. Yes, they would be able to let them scab over, but once they were together, they would reopen.

They needed to confront the hurt before it ate away at their lives completely, leaving them to waste away into emptiness. Ryoma lifted his wrist, glaring at the scars etched forever into his pale skin. They spoke to him, reciting the stories of each night when he picked up a knife, razor blade, or shard of glass. It was too late for him.

_But I have a chance to save the others. They need to be able to move on. I will always have these to remind me of what drove me to the edges of my sanity._

After he put everything to rest with them, then he could move on. A new beginning would begin for the five of them. They were clinging on to each other, holding out for hope, and searching for the desire to put things back together like they once were. However, there was no chance of that. Any fragment that might have been left was blackened and left in the ashes of the inferno that raged through their relationship. That fire still smoldered, but only to leave a grim reminder in their hearts of everything they had lost. All of their hopes, dreams, and plans that they once built together now laid abandoned, forgotten, and only remembered in hopes to find another chance.

_I've given up completely. Not just on them, but on myself too. There's no chance for a future when everything succumbs so easily._

A soft knock came at the door, breaking him out of his thoughts. Ryoma tucked his wrist under the covers, trying to conceal the painful memories with the gesture.

"Come in," he said in a cold voice. He was expecting Tezuka to bother him, but was surprised when Syuusuke walked through the door. Fuji closed the door gently upon entering the room. Ryoma glared at the person walking toward him.

"What do you want?" he asked.

"I only want to talk. You've hardly said anything to me lately and I know there is a lot on your mind than what you let on. You used to be to tell me everything and I want you to do that again," Syuusuke replied gently. He could hear that the other was trying to conceal emotions.

"There's nothing we need to talk about."

"There is a lot to talk about. You're just afraid to talk about them. Why can't you trust me again?"

"You lost my trust when you broke your promises to me. How am I supposed to trust someone like that?"

"I know that I messed up. However, I'm trying to fix things between us. You need someone in your life and I would like it if you chose me to confide in once more. I'm afraid that if you don't, I'll lose you forever. When I discovered you on the floor, I realized that my words alone were not enough. They're still not enough and never will be. However, I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on."

"You used to be able to read me without words, Syuusuke."

"I know," Syuusuke whispered. "I'm hurt and confused too. I've let myself and most importantly, _you_ down by not taking you away like I promised. I'm sorry, Ryoma. I can't change the past, but I can work to fix the future for both of us. You have to give me a chance though. That's all I am asking."

"I don't have to give you anything," Ryoma replied angrily.

"Then why did you agree to live with me? Why didn't you just give up again?"

"I don't know. I thought that maybe I would find a reason outside of the suffocating room. However, all I can see when I look into the future is death."

"If you die, I'm going to as well. I took advantage of our time before, but I don't intend to make that mistake again. I lost so many moments with you. I lost the times where you could smile without so much pain, when you could laugh without the bitterness, where you could talk to me and not be filled with anger. I missed those times because of selfish reasons. I don't even deserve the times that I got because of what I did to you, but I still remember them. I can replay them in my head. And when I see you in this much pain…" Syuusuke paused to clear his cracking voice. "I wish that I had never let you go."

Ryoma didn't know what to say. He wanted to believe Syuusuke, but he didn't want to caught in the fire again. Those were the words he had wanted to hear, but his heart wouldn't forgive. This was going to be harder for both of them. Opening up to someone who had previously hurt him was no appealing. However, he knew deep down, that he needed a different future than the one he imagined.

"I want to try," he whispered.

"But you're afraid that you'll end up hurt again," Syuusuke finished. He looked deep into the blue eyes that were transfixed on him. "I am too, Ryoma. However, my fear is not going to paralyze me like before."

He pulled his hands out from underneath his covers to hide his face. Tears stung at his eyes. Everything that he had done to hurt himself did not just affect him; it had hurt Syuusuke too. Throughout all of his suffering, he lost sight of the others. He had caused them the same amount of pain that he inflicted upon himself. Ryoma tried to fight against the guilt that ate at him.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"You only did what you thought was best to help you cope with the pain you suffered. I can't blame you for that," Syuusuke said gently. "I want you to know that I'm by your side from now one. Any time you need me, I am going to be there. I hope you can eventually trust me enough to come and talk to me about anything."

Ryoma didn't say anything at first. He was trying not to hate himself for everything that he had caused. However, it was a losing battle. Even though there was no accusation from Syuusuke, he felt like Fuji was blaming him for it all. The weight of the thoughts suffocated him, making it even more difficult to breathe. A soft touch to his head brought him out of his thoughts. He peaked through his fingers to see Syuusuke smiling down on and fingers running through his hair.

"Tezuka wants me to go meet Atobe. He talked to me about it last night," Ryoma spoke, breaking the silence between them. For a brief moment, he thought he saw anger splayed across Syuusuke's face. "I told him that I would think about it."

"It's up to you. I think you need more time before you see him."

"I want to go. I want Atobe to see what has happened. He didn't see me much after…"

He shuddered. However, Syuusuke seemed to understand what he meant. His former lover gave him the best hug that he could give considering that Ryoma was laying on the floor. Ever since returning from America, he hadn't been fond of physical contact, but he didn't mind that hug.

"I understand," Syuusuke replied. "I'll go too since it's what you want. You need all of the support you can get."

"Arigatou," he said.

"I've been meaning to ask, are you sure you're okay with Tezuka staying here? I can tell you don't like him."

"I-I don't trust him, Syuusuke."

"You don't trust me, Ryoma."

"But this is different," he said. He couldn't quite figure out how to put it into words.

"I'll tell him to leave."

Tezuka knew that there was a lot at stake right now. Not knowing the outcome was tormenting him. For everything to work, he had to put his faith in two unpredictable people. It was the riskiest gamble he had taken in a long time. He glared at his phone as it buzzed for the twentieth time that morning. The name of the person texting him had not changed. Atobe was just as antsy as him when it came to knowing if they were coming tomorrow. However, he did not have on. He tossed another glance at Ryoma's room. Syuusuke had spent longer than two minutes in there, which was a positive sign. It meant that his former lovers were conversing. It was difficult not to get his hopes up considering the length at which Fuji was absent.

Time seemed to stand still while waiting to hear the results of the conversation. Nothing he did made it pass any faster. The door slowly opened and out stepped Syuusuke. Once the door was closed again, he spoke.

"He didn't push you away," he commented.

"He tried," came the reply, "but I was never to give up easily."

"You look better, relieved. I guess the conversation went well."

"I doubt the progress I made will last long. Nevertheless, he told me a few things, which is more than enough for me right now. Ryoma also said that you came to see him last night."

Tezuka flinched. The anger in Syuusuke's last sentence was undeniable and barely noticeable to those who did not know Fuji. At least Ryoma had spoken to the other about the plans. He decided it was best to remain silent in fear of incurring more of Syuusuke's wrath.

"However, he agreed to see Atobe tomorrow. I'm sure Atobe is anxious to hear back from you. However, there's one more thing I need to discuss with you."

His throat was dry. He swallowed. "What's that?"

"You need to move out soon."

He could only nod at that last sentence, not fully comprehending what he had just heard. Syuusuke left him alone for the moment. Quickly, he reached for his phone and sent off a text to Keigo. Now all that was left was to put his plan into motion.

Syuusuke headed to the kitchen to make some food. He knew that the conversation with Ryoma was a good step, but it felt like a miniscule step compared to the rest of the journey that they had to take. Every moment, every discussion, every emotion that they showed brought them closer to their ultimate goal. Even if it did not feel like progress, there was still hope. Sometimes, it was difficult to see. Darkness often veiled any gleams of light, intending to smother them in its bleak look. If they gave up hope, then they settled for acceptance of how things were. He had no intention of letting things stand; and tomorrow was going to bring a new set of problems, for all of them. If only things would help instead of hinder his progress.

_I can't protect Ryoma from the emotional pain he'll have to endure in this meeting. Hell, I can't even protect myself right now. I don't like the idea of it only because we're both so drained right now._

He sighed. No one could save them from the hurt they had experienced or were about to relive. All he could do was be strong for the one he cared for. No matter what, his mask couldn't break tomorrow. If there was one thing he was good at, it was hiding his true feelings. Although it was a terrible thing to be good at, it was the one way he could survive. He had experienced hurt, but it had never destroyed him emotionally. Strained, yes, but never destroyed who he was and what he stood by.

If only his heart believed his mind.

When they pulled up to the mansion, his heart beat faster. All of the memories tied to the place came flooding back, hitting him with several emotions at once. Ryoma hated this mansion. Even with all of the good feelings it had once brought, it did not outweigh the hurt. Being afraid of an object was a foreign concept to him. Even the times where tennis racquets and balls had kicked his ass, he had never feared them. This was different. Everything had changed for them. As much as it pained him to admit, this was no longer a safe haven. The mansion was no longer a place he enjoyed.

"Ryoma, are you coming?"

He looked up at Syuusuke, who was holding the door open, waiting for him to exit the car. He hesitantly stepped out of the vehicle.

"You know we can go back," Syuusuke whispered.

"I've made up my mind," he replied.

"You're so stubborn."

He let the comment slide and focused on trying not to let his fear get the better of him. No matter what, he was going to show them that he strong. They had discarded him before, and he was going to show them what a huge mistake they had made. He had spent too much time on them already and this was just to move on from this point.

"I don't see Gen's car, Tezuka." The iciness in Syuusuke's voice was unmistakable.

"Maybe he's running late," Tezuka replied.

"He's not one to run behind," Ryoma commented.

Tezuka made no reply in regards to that, but Ryoma was perfectly content without receiving one. However, he wondered if Gen had the right idea but not showing up. He didn't voice his opinion out loud. He knew that Syuusuke would force them to go home if he did. Tezuka rang the doorbell. This was the moment he both dreaded and wanted to happen. If only things would go right, even if it was only this one time.

The door opened, revealing an anxious looking Atobe. Their eyes met for a brief moment. The intense glare given to him was enough to let him know he currently stood with the arrogant diva. Even though he had not expected anything else, it still hurt. Dread for the rest of the meeting settled in quickly. This was not going to enjoyable.

Nothing had really changed; this would be another reminder as to why he had done everything that he had in the first place. Pushing those thoughts aside was difficult. They entered the mansion at Atobe's beckoning. Since he had last been here, a lot had changed. Drapes covered the marble floor to protect it from paint dripping from the ceiling. Every familiar feature, the warm colors, the pictures adorning the walls, and even the arrangements placed delicately on rich mahogany tables had been stripped away and replaced. Atobe wasn't remodeling, he was destroying the memories.

"Is Sanada going to join us?" Atobe asked.

"No, he had another appointment to attend to," Tezuka answered immediately. Ryoma and Syuusuke shared a look.

"Well then, we'll have to make do without him. Pardon the mess, I'm remodeling. We'll head to the study, that way we won't disturb the workers."

Atobe walked off. They followed him, avoiding the items left on the ground by the workers.

"You could have mentioned Gen not coming," Syuusuke hissed.

Ryoma rolled his eyes. Already it felt like it did when he had returned from America. No one trusted each other. No one cared to relay information, even the smallest of details. There was one difference between then and now.

_I'm not trapped in that room. I have a voice again._

They walked in silence the rest of the way. Atobe opened the door for them, a surprising gesture. There were refreshments waiting for them when they arrived. Two couches paced each other, both with only enough seating for two. Ryoma took one and Syuusuke took the seat beside him leaving Tezuka and Atobe to sit across from them. Tension quickly settled in. Everyone seemed afraid to speak, but all wanting for the silence to end.

"There's not easy way to discuss these matters," Atobe started. "Everything we've discussed thus far has been more about justification and accusations. There are no excuses for what we did; we just need to fix them."

Ryoma raised a brow. Monkey King did not usually talk like this, _ever_.

"Atobe-_san_," Syuusuke spoke, emphasizing the honorific. "The reason we delved into the past was because we all had a issues with certain things. Yes, there were a lot of accusations, but they were justified."

"How were they justified?" Atobe asked. "We demanded answers for the actions, not caring how it made the other person looked."

"There is no honour or integrity in what we did. There is no way to make it seem like we were above the others. We all suffered attacks on our characters. None of it was undeserved, like the letters or reminders that you sent to Ryoma," Syuusuke replied quickly. "I'm sure he'd love to hear an explanation for why you did that to him."

He looked at Atobe, watching the various expressions flashing across Atobe's face. The one that stood out the most to him was the fear.

"I overheard a conversation, that's all."

Ryoma hated this meeting already. He knew that the answers weren't likely to come, but he had hoped that he would get some. However, Atobe did not need to lie to him.

"I want to speak to Atobe alone," Ryoma said.

"Ryoma, you don't have to. This is why I came with you."

"Syuusuke, I know you want to try and protect me, but this is something the jerk and I need to work out alone. He's had an issue with me that runs deeper than what he lets on. He won't talk about it if you're present. So let me do this one thing on my own."

Syuusuke looked like he wanted to say something else, but didn't.

"Very well," Syuusuke said. "I'll leave you two alone."

"As will I," Tezuka said.

Ryoma waited until they left the room and had a bit of time to get away before continuing. He turned his attention back to Atobe, glaring at the other.

"Why did you send them away? We're supposed to work things out together, brat."

"We're not going to get far if you are not going to be truthful. Honestly Atobe, when are _you_ going to grow up? You're treating me like a child who wouldn't understand the situation, but I am not a child. I am part of the problem too. Things were bad between us at first, but we always made it work. After I was raped in America, you stopped trying. You gave up on me when I needed you the most. I sacrificed my family, my dreams, and transformed into a person I never knew I could be. All of this was so I could keep the most important people close to me. So why did you give up on me?"

"Because you gave up on us first," Atobe replied in a dark tone.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You paid those bastards to rape you. You pulled off an elaborate farce. For what? So you could get rid of us?"

Ryoma stared at the heir in shock. How could Atobe think for a moment that he had done such things? After all that he had went through, it was he who was the bad guy? That didn't make any sense.

"You're talking crazy."

"I heard them talking about it."

"You mean the people who hurt me?"

"They didn't really expect you to betray them."

"I didn't! I was the victim! You can't seriously believe a bunch of low-life's like that, can you?"

"Then tell me the truth, Ryoma. Tell me what happened to you."

He took in a deep breath, trying to regain his composure. "Fine, if you insist. Do you remember that I flew out a week before the tournament?"

"Yes," Atobe replied.

"You know that everywhere I would go, the tabloids and newspapers would splash my face and paparazzi would follow me everywhere."

"But there was hardly anything on you that week. There was only a few small articles on how well you played in the tournament, but nothing major."

"And you didn't stop to think that it was odd?" Ryoma asked with a sad smile.

Patience was not one of Syuusuke's gifts. He kept pacing around the room next to the study, waiting to hear something from them at any moment.

"Do you think he's alright?" Syuusuke asked out loud.

"Stop worrying. It won't do you any good."

"You know how fragile he is! I'm worried that Atobe is going to do something stupid, again."

"You can't blame him. You know that he was in a tough position."

"We all were, Tezuka. We all were stressed out and hurt, but there's a right way to handle the situation and a wrong way. Atobe took all of his frustrations out on us, specifically Ryoma. What's worse is that we let him get away with it. You can't honestly think that he was justified in his actions."

"No, I don't think he is justified. However, I can't blame him either."

"Why can't you blame him?"

"Because Keigo was about to lose his company because of _us_."

- One Year Ago, America-

The plane touched down in New York, jerking the young athlete awake. He rubbed his eyes and lifted the shade to his window. After a long flight, he was back in America, back where he was going to take the title in the tournament once more. Echizen Ryoma unbuckled his seatbelt when the light went off before gathering his things. He stood up and stretched quickly before heading off of the plane. The flight attendant wished him a pleasant stay in America and he merely nodded before exiting the aircraft.

He expertly meandered his way through the crowds, careful to keep his true identity a secret. If anyone found out that he was here, he could kiss privacy for the trip goodbye. Waiting for his luggage was painful. It always seemed that when he was in a hurry, they would take forever in unloading it off the plane. He checked his watch, noting that the time was past what his manager was expecting. Ryoma decided to call in and inform his manager that he was running a bit behind schedule.

Quickly, he pulled out his cell and pressed down one number for speed dial. The phone rang three times before he heard the familiar voice on the other side.

"Echizen! You had be in the airport still. Traffic is a nightmare currently and I'm running behind. I hope you didn't go running off."

"Don't worry," he replied. "I'm still here. My flight was a little late and I'm waiting to pick up my luggage. I was being responsible and calling to inform you of the delay."

"Dear god, you must be sleep-deprived to act this kind toward me. You'd never do such a thing otherwise."

He scowled. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Don't play innocent. Just gather your things and meet us in the usual spot."

"Yeah, yeah, how long until you get here?"

"Ten minutes," he manager answered.

"See you then," he said. He hung up the phone and replaced it in his pocket. The belt where his luggage was supposed to come from started moving. He moved closer to belt to catch a better look for his own. Not that he had to try too hard. His was fairly distinctive, which was both good and bad. Oh how he loathed Monkey King for "redesigning" his luggage before leaving for this trip. Now he had to carry the most disturbing pieces in the entire planet. They were purple and embellished with so many jewels that if he stepped out into direct sunlight, it would blind the entire street.

Ryoma made his way toward the parking garage. He pretended to ignore the stares at him and his luggage, mentally cursing Keigo for the hideous new design. There had never been anything wrong with black, until he had met Atobe. However, it was those quirks, or as he affectionately called them, obsessions, that made them unique. And while he did not approve of the new design, it was a reminder of the people that he had left behind to compete in this tournament. No matter how far he was, they were always near him.

He rode the elevator to the top floor of the parking garage. The other passengers had gotten off at the lower levels. Hesitantly, he stepped out into the sun, hoping that his luggage wouldn't cause a plane to crash. He sat near parking spot 13C, the usual place he met his ride. Even though his ride had said ten minutes, it really meant twenty. He had so much time to spare that it was obnoxious. Despite being in a busy airport, it had been easy to get to his destination and he had made it with five minutes to spare. It was enough time for him to down a snack and some water.

The parking lot was empty, odd for this time of day. However, he wasn't complaining as the less people who saw him, the better. A car drove toward him. Instantly, he recognized the black vehicle and license plate. He stood, brushed his shorts off and gathered his bags. The trunk opened and he placed them in there neatly. He walked around the side door and opened it. His manager gave him a small smile.

"Traffic must've been really horrendous for me to get here before you," Ryoma said. He entered the vehicle and closed the door. Before he could put on his seatbelt, the car started moving forward. He almost fell forward with the sudden jerking. Irritated, he started to turn around to snap at the driver.

"Geez, ease up on the gas—"

The man was not his usual driver. Nor was his bodyguard in the other seat. Instead, a lanky man with a twisted grin was there, pointing a gun at him.

"'Ello Ryoma Echizen, so nice to finally meet you in person," the passenger said in a nasally voice.

"Ryoma, there's something you should know."

_To be continued…_


	20. Chapter Twenty: Complications

**Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis.**

**Lady Monozuki:** I finally got this chapter together for you guys. I had scraps written together for months, but I couldn't quite piece it all together. I think it came out all right though. Thank you for reading and please leave a review! Also, please see the author's note at the end.

Thanks to: SelfHatredisCommonEnough for betaing this chapter.

_Recap:_

I'm worried that Atobe is going to do something stupid, again."

"You can't blame him. You know that he was in a tough position."

"We all were, Tezuka. We all were stressed out and hurt, but there's a right way to handle the situation and a wrong way. Atobe took all of his frustrations out on us, specifically Ryoma. What's worse is that we let him get away with it. You can't honestly think that he was justified in his actions."

"No, I don't think he is justified. However, I can't blame him either."

"Why can't you blame him?"

"Because Keigo was about to lose his company because of us."

-One year ago, America-

"Traffic must've been really horrendous for me to get here before you," Ryoma said. He entered the vehicle and closed the door. Before he could put on his seatbelt, the car started moving forward. He almost fell forward with the sudden jerking. Irritated, he started to turn around to snap at the driver.

"Geez, ease up on the gas—"

The man was not his usual driver. Nor was his bodyguard in the other seat. Instead, a lanky man with a twisted grin was there, pointing a gun at him.

"'Ello Ryoma Echizen, so nice to finally meet you in person," the passenger said in a nasally voice.

"Ryoma, there's something you should know."

_Chapter Twenty: Complications_

- One year ago, America-

"_There's something you should know."_

His ears rang loudly, temporarily impairing all of his cognitive functions. Slowly reality resumed to normal; bringing with it, all of the memories of what had just occurred. The smile on the lanky man's face had grown. The gun in his right hand smoked a little. His brain began to replay the scene that he wanted to forget.

Ryoma turned his head to his left. His once pristine manager was almost unrecognizable. The dark liquid covered his head, oozing from the wound to his eye. His stomach churned at the sight. He snapped his head back to the people in front of him, trying to not lose his lunch.

"Don't worry, we won't kill you. However, we will discuss what's going to happen."

"_Because Keigo was about to lose his company because of us."_

Fuji remained silent at Tezuka's statement. How could anyone let _that_ justify what had happened to them? Even if Atobe was in such a situation, he had no right to treat them that way. Syuusuke took in a deep breath, trying to calm himself. Maybe he wasn't explaining himself properly.

"Perhaps I'm not being clear, Tezuka. This isn't about me wanting to hate him. This is about what's right and wrong. He may be on the verge of losing his company, but I do not care. Ryoma almost _died_. How can anyone put a company before their lover?"

"The business is Atobe's life. Without it, he would have killed himself."

"Then he, of all people, should know how much it killed Ryoma to not be able to play tennis. Ryoma lost any hope of having a career in professional tennis after what happened in America."

"You don't understand Keigo, Syuusuke. This was everything that he had worked for. This was the life that he had built."

"It was Ryoma's too. Keigo could have built a new life, one around us."

"Ryoma could have too."

"He was trying, for god's sake! When did you become so gullible? You could always bring the voice of reason and see things from both sides! But now you're blinded by whatever Atobe has told you!"

"He didn't. His parents told me."

"_I don't understand why you didn't go, Gen."_

Sanada sighed. For the past two hours, he had put up with Yukimura not so subtly telling him that he should go. He really didn't want to, not after what had happened the last time.

"Atobe isn't being honest with us. He says he wants to fix things, but he has an excuse for why he did things. He is not fooling me. He's going to just hurt us even more and I want to move forward, not keep walking in circles."

"What about the others, Gen? You haven't heard what they have to say. You have always defended others, especially when they couldn't defend themselves. You are letting people who can't even stand on their own fight a battle that you're a part of. You're abandoning them when they need you the most," Yukimura replied. "You're hiding because of selfish reasons. You know that you would hate yourself forever if you left them at a time like this."

Gen knew that Seiichi was right. He had regretted his decision of not going ever since he had made it, but he didn't know how he could face Atobe again. The rich man took them all for idiots. He was not one. However, he couldn't let them be alone.

"Gen, go. You need to be there. You've all suffered, but you still love them. Sitting here isn't going to make things better. Go to them. Talk to them and get some closure. I may not know everything that you all have gone through, but you still need them and they need you too. Especially Ryoma."

The memory of his last encounter with Ryoma came to mind. The wounds on the other's arms, the secret he had been asked to keep. He knew that Ryoma needed support. Syuusuke may have been handling it, but they were not strong enough to get through this alone.

"I'll be back later," he muttered.

He headed for the front door, exchanging his slippers for shoes on the way out. No matter his feelings toward certain people, this was still partly his problem to help fix. Ignoring the others because of his personal vendettas would not help him in his goal to get them back. He wanted to help them, especially Ryoma. He had made a silent promise not to let them go through this alone again, and he almost done just that.

- One year ago, America -

Ryoma sat in his hotel room, alone. His mind was still trying to process the events that had taken place moments earlier. Even though the kidnappers weren't present, he knew that they were watching. They had said that they would know if he so much as breathed. This was not the trip that he had imagined. This was not the vacation he had wanted to take in order to forget about his domestic problems.

Ryoma didn't even know who these people were or what they wanted. Did he do something to offend them? It was entirely possible. He had a terrible memory. Did they want money? It was again, a possibility. From who they wanted money was the question. Or perhaps, this wasn't even about him directly, but Keigo.

_They're wasting their time. He won't do a thing to help me._

"_This is how it will work. You're only going to attend your matches. Any press interviews, meetings, and so on have already been cancelled. Your manager was useful for _something_ other than being a decoration. You won't talk to anyone. You're only going to play. Other than that, you're stuck in your hotel room. You won't leave without us. We'll bring your meals. Don't ever answer the phone or attempt to dial someone. We will see everything. We clear, kiddo?"_

He felt his pocket vibrate. He had forgotten about his cell phone. However, he knew that if he answered, that it could prove costly. The scene of his manager played over in his mind. No matter what he did, he would never be able to forget that moment. One wrong move and his life could end.

"Why would his parents tell you, out of everyone?" Syuusuke asked.

"Because I could see it from all sides. They let Keigo spend his time with us, but it was too much to cover up. This wasn't going to be any easier with Ryoma aiming to be a professional tennis player. When we got together, we let hormones dictate us and we didn't consider the long-term effects our decision would have, especially for Keigo's family."

Syuusuke didn't want to hear it anymore. This was not the Tezuka that he knew or fell in love with. The Tezuka he knew would not back down and believe something so stupid as this.

"How much are they paying you to say this crap?"

"What?"

"How much are they paying you?" He raised his voice. "It's the only logical explanation for your behavior. You're saying that it was okay because we were the problem! If Atobe wanted us out of his life, he could have told us, but he didn't! He abused us because he did not have the guts to tell us to leave. And you think it's acceptable for him to get away with that? That it's fine if we ignore everything that he has done? We're no saints, but we deserve better than that."

"They're not paying me anything. This is merely their—"

Syuusuke slapped his check. "You are a shadow of the person you once were."

"You think you know everything, Syuusuke, but you don't. I stuck up for Keigo because no one else knew! Whether or not you choose to accept it is up to you, but you don't have a right to act like we are the only ones who are hurting. Keigo made his choice and has made mistakes. However, you won't take a look at us and acknowledge our mistakes as well. We are not victims; we have never been. We stayed. It was our choice. Syuusuke, why did you really stay? Don't tell me it was because of Ryoma. That's a lie. No one forced us to stay, so why did you?"

- One year ago, America-

Ryoma stood on the court. Every eye in the stadium was upon him, waiting for his first serve. Harsh rays emitting from the sun bore down on him. He couldn't breathe well. All of the anticipation in the air suffocated him. How long had it been since they last saw him play? Everyone was anxious to see how much the son of Samurai Nanjiroh Echizen had grown since his first debut at age twelve.

His heart pounded loudly in his ears. Two pairs of eyes were paying particularly close attention to his movements. Ryoma threw the ball up in the air, knowing that if he delayed any longer he would receive a penalty. He jumped slightly, letting his body slide into a familiar form. His racquet connected with the ball and sent it flying over the net, into the waiting racquet of his opponent. Ryoma stayed where he was. He knew that even if his opponent could hit the ball, that it wouldn't make it over the net.

And he was right. His opponent smashed the ball hard to return, but the spin from the serve caused the ball to hit the net before falling to the ground.

"Fifteen-love," the referee announced.

Cheers echoed through the air, but he paid no attention to the noise. He stood behind the baseline once again. His golden eyes darted around the stadium. Right in front of him were the two men he wanted nothing to do with right now. The driver flashed him a dark look. He knew that they wanted the game to end quickly. Ryoma tossed the ball in the air for another serve.

Within twenty minutes, he completed his set of matches, not allowing his opponent to score more than two points. Of course, this wasn't the real test. He'd eventually have to face the tougher opponents such as Nadal, Federer, and Djokovic. That's when the competition would get fierce. Ryoma entered the limo, not bothering to acknowledge the two people already there.

"Do you think you could shorten your matches?" the lanky one asked.

"It's impossible," he replied. "This is only the beginning. The competition is only going to get tougher as the stages of the tournament take place."

"Well, you better try or we'll give you a good reason to try harder."

He nodded. Even if he tried explaining who his competition was, they would not understand. There was no point to trying to reason with murderers.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about. I stayed for Ryoma, that's it," Syuusuke stammered.

"Then why didn't you leave with him? Even after you knew what Ryoma was going through and what you had endured, you still stayed."

"You stayed too."

"I did. I stayed because I love Keigo. It didn't matter what happened. I love him and am willing to stand by him throughout the trials of life. What he did was wrong, but we never stood up to him or walked away. You can't blame him for everything we didn't do. So, why did you stay?"

He tightened the muscles in his body to keep himself from shaking. "I stayed because I still believed in us. I kept believing and lying to myself until Ryoma tried to kill himself."

"Why did it take that much for you to wake up?"

"Because I didn't see Ryoma every day. He avoided us and hid from the hurt. Even when I visited him, I didn't notice anything wrong with him. After all the time we spent together, I couldn't see through the mask he had in place."

"Or you chose not to see through it because then you'd have to admit that you weren't staying because of him."

"No, because I believed that it would all end and he and I would be together. I always pictured it just being the two of us. No matter what path we take in between, I will always love him the first and foremost."

- One year ago, America-

Sitting still was driving him crazy. Yes, he knew that he could move around his hotel room but, it was nowhere near active enough for him. Since his last match, he hadn't been able to practice, missing plenty of opportunities to create new moves and improve upon his old ones. Different techniques flowed through his mind and stayed. Tennis had always been about growing, expanding, and creating a new identity, a new style. The changes kept his opponents on their toes and the media in awe.

While he had currently been dominating the tournament, he felt that his wins were out of pure instinct, rather than actual skill. Even he knew that his normal passion for the game was absent. Only a couple of reporters had commented on his lack of drive, but it wasn't a huge issue since he kept on winning. On the other hand, he despised playing. Knowing that they were watching him all of the time, making sure he didn't do anything "stupid" made it all worse.

The time between matches was to be used for practicing and rest, but he couldn't find either of those things. He could feel his body starting to shut down. Even food wasn't enough to provide the energy he needed to stay awake and functioning. Ryoma simply wanted this matter to end. If he had complained about having to deal with his quirky lovers before, he would never do so again. All he wanted to do was hold them and rest in their warm embraces once more. Even Keigo.

_No matter what he's done, I still want him._

The handle to his room twisted, opening the door. The two people he didn't want to see walked in.

"You have a match."

He nodded and rose from his spot on the bed. He grabbed his gear, making sure they could see every his every movement. Ryoma walked out of the room with his "bodyguards". The car ride made him nauseous. Every time he entered the vehicle, he thought about the lifeless corpse that had rested next to him for thirty minutes. Although they claimed to have cleaned the car, he could still see a small bloodstain on the seat belt. It was faint, but still there. Ryoma tried to ignore it, choosing to focus on his match instead.

They arrived at the tournament with enough time for him to warm up briefly. Today's match determined whether or not he entered the semi-finals. Under normal circumstances, he could strut around, spouting off his signature phrase. Now, he just had to overcome his physical exhaustion. The simple task of running laps caused his body to groan in protest.

Familiar movements that used to flow so fluidly now came together in pieces, as he had to think about each step. The weight pulled his body down. Ryoma closed his eyes, returning balls on instinct. The familiar sound of the ball hitting the wall eased the tension in his body. Temporary, his problems melted away. All too soon, the experience ended. It was time for his match to begin.

Tezuka curled his fist, tightening it at the words he had just heard. Even if he had heard it before, it didn't make it any easier to hear. He took in a deep breath, trying to calm himself. Why was he never enough for Syuusuke? Ryoma didn't want any of them, so why was Fuji holding on to someone who didn't care like he did. No one cared for him. He had opened his heart to all of them, only to have it stomped on and returned in pieces. Why did no one love him the way that he loved them? Tezuka tried to keep his tone even as he spoke.

"Why is it always about Ryoma?" he asked. "You entered into a relationship with other

people, but you always think about Ryoma. I didn't agree to be second to someone else."

"Tezuka," Syuusuke whispered. "I am sorry that you put in all of this effort, it wasn't fair to any of you."

Tezuka didn't want to hear it anymore. He leaned in close and roughly kissed Syuusuke. Just to have a taste of what had once sent his self-control into a frenzy. He had wanted this for so long. Now that he had it within his grasp, he did not intend to let go.

- One year ago, America-

Ryoma added to history. He had been behind five games, on the verge of losing the sixth, when he pulled back from behind. It maintained his perfect score, but he knew that this was his limit. Fortunately, he had a few hours before his next match. He walked back to the car, not speaking to anyone about his match. Once inside, he fell asleep, not because he wanted to. If only he had known what was in store for him later.

He could feel Syuusuke struggling to pull away, but he ignored it. Tezuka wanted this moment to last forever. This was how it was supposed to be, just him and Syuusuke. He only pulled away to catch his breath.

"Don't," Syuusuke breathed out. "Don't do that again."

Tezuka ignored that statement. He was going to have his way. Syuusuke started to get up, but he pulled him back. The emotional exhaustion of taking care of Ryoma had weakened Fuji, allowing him to easily overpower the other. He pinned down the other, climbing on top of him.

"Let me go, Tezuka. You're only making things more difficult."

"You don't understand how I feel."

"I have enough of an idea. I'm not going back on my word to Ryoma."

Tezuka growled. All that he wanted was to be important in someone's life. He kissed Syuusuke again, ignoring the punches and kicks.

- One year ago, America-

Ryoma felt his body moving slightly. Still trying to sleep, he ignored it. The movement persisted. He opened his eyes to see his two captors looking at him.

"Time for your match."

He slowly got up and grabbed his items. They had just let him sleep, no questions or consequences. He was shocked. It was the most sleep he had gotten in over two weeks too. Ryoma exited the vehicle and walked to go check in. This match was the only match standing in his way to the semi-finals. His opponent: Roger Federer.

Everything that he had trained for was going to be put to the test in this one match. Ryoma stretched, trying to warm his stiff muscles. There wasn't enough time for him to do a full warm-up due to his kidnappers waiting until the last possible minute to wake him up. Even if he wouldn't be properly warmed up, he felt better than he had in weeks. While he was still tired, he was confident he could hold his own.

The time had come. He stepped out onto the field to face his opponent.

Gen knocked on the mansion door and waited. A butler, who recognized him, answered the door. The butler seemed surprised to see him.

"Master Sanada, we were not expecting you."

"You don't have to address me like that anymore. Where are the others?"

"Upstairs, in the second library."

He muttered his thanks and headed up the stairs. The mansion, usually in impeccable condition, looked as though it had suffered an attack. The drapes on the floor and the rush of workers told him exactly what was going on. Atobe was renovating. Gen frowned. The place didn't resemble the one from his memory. Knowing Keigo though, that was exactly what the entrepreneur was trying to accomplish.

The second floor looked partly the same. It seemed that the remodel had only started a couple of days ago. Gen knew the path to the second library by heart. He had often visited it to get away from the drama and tension. It was curious that Atobe had decided to use the room. He thought that Keigo had forgotten all about its existence.

He passed by empty rooms, remembering the various guests that had stayed in them. They had always put on a façade when others were present, especially Keigo's parents. Around the corner, would be a couch against the railing. Two vases on stone stands stood above the couch. Across from there, the rich mahogany doors to the second library. He slowed his pace..He was already late; there was no need to rush. Gen rounded the corner and saw movement on the couch. He walked closer, edging toward the wall to get a better look at what was going on.

Tezuka was on top of Syuusuke, shirtless. Syuusuke, however, was almost completely unclothed. Blue eyes caught his. He saw the fear and helplessness. Gen sprang into action. He ran over to his two former lovers. His arms wrapped around Tezuka's chest. He pulled the other away from Syuusuke. Oh how quickly he had forgotten that Kunimitsu used to be his sparring partner.

Tezuka struggled against his hold, loosening it. Just as he was about to readjust his grip, an elbow crashed into the side of his head. The force of the impact was enough to knock him to the side, breaking his grip entirely on Tezuka.

"Damn it," he growled. Sanada tackled Tezuka, after recovering from the blow. They crashed into the railing. Tezuka's limbs flailed around, trying to make contact with any part of his body.

"Stop this, Tezuka!" he shouted.

The other didn't listen. Instead, he rolled toward the stand, crashing into it. Gen watched as the vase fell from its once sturdy stand. Quickly, he pulled Tezuka away from the falling object, saving the other from the blow. Upon hitting the floor, the vase shattered into hundreds of pieces. Tezuka still struggled against him, even after all of that. He pinned Tezuka's arms behind his back, keeping a firm hold on the other.

The library door opened.

Ryoma exited the library with Keigo. He had paused his story upon hearing the crashing noise outside. They both got up to investigate. He shook at the sight before him. Syuusuke was frozen in place, barely clothed. Tezuka had his shirt missing, and was currently being restrained by Gen. It did not take him long to figure out what had just happened. He stormed up to Tezuka, shaking with anger. He wanted to hit the man for doing such a thing.

Ryoma took in a deep breath, telling himself that violence was not the answer.

"Don't ever come by our place again," he said in a dark tone.

Tezuka stared at him.

Once he was content, he had made his point, he went over to Syuusuke. The other still hadn't moved from his spot on the couch. Ryoma picked up Syuusuke's clothes, offering them to him. He didn't make any sudden movements. He waited patiently as Fuji stared at his hand.

"I'm not going to hurt you," he said softly.

He could see the struggle in Syuusuke's eyes. They always told him the truth. Fuji reached out a shaky hand and took the clothes from him. He waited patiently for the other to get dressed, making sure not to stare. He didn't want to make the other uncomfortable.

Once dressed, he offered his empty hand. The trembling fingers reached for his, touching his skin gently, before firmly taking it. Ryoma helped him up. Time seemed to stop for the two of them. He whispered in Syuusuke's ear.

"You're safe. Everything's going to be okay."

They slowly started walk away from the couch.

"Gen," he said. "Will you please drive us home?"

"Of course."

Atobe stayed silent as he watched the scene before him. His mind slowly started to catch up to what had occurred. Ryoma passed him Syuusuke.

"We'll continue our discussion later," Ryoma whispered to him. He merely nodded. After the three of them left, he turned his attention to Tezuka.

"What you did," Atobe began, "was unacceptable."

"Keigo, please, I—"

"I don't want to hear your excuses!" he shouted.

"I have no place to go."

"You should have thought about that beforehand. You have to deal with the consequences of your actions. You may see yourself out."

With that, Atobe returned to the second library and closed the door behind him.

_I have to deal with the consequences of my actions too._

-End-

**Lady Monozuki:** This is the end of Broken Promises. As I have stated before, I am breaking the story into three arcs. After this point, the title no longer fits and the focus of the story will be more set on fixing relationships (with a few juicy asides you'll have to stay tuned for). As a note, anyone who loves Thrill pair will want to stop reading after the end of the second arc. All of the main storyline will be finished by the end of the second arc. The final arc will focus solely on repairing relationships, no new storyline will be introduced after that point so Thrill lovers will not miss out on anything other than the OT5 getting back together (but hey, you probably don't care). I plan to start the new arc soon. I'm tossing around titles currently.

With all of that said, thank you to everyone for reading Broken Promises and reviewing the story. It has been a pleasure to read your comments and feedback in regards to this story. I hope to see your reviews for the second arc.


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